Though I enjoyed the content of the story, the grammar and everything else made me want to pull me hair out and go bald. It was so poorly organized. You had no real transitions or anything else to connect the "essay". Another example of bad organization would be your use of parenthesis; they were everywhere and sloppy. Please, please, please pay attention in English class from here on out. Do the world a favor.p.s. The vibe I got off this essay was slight self-centered. Work on mood and tone. If you don't know what those are in relation to literature, stick to my old advice : PAY ATTENTION IN ENGLISH CLASS.
- 10/03/2008
- 00:31:36
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Though you backed up your thesis very well and supported your facts, reading the essay felt like I was reading the story. At a certain point, all the quotes became tiresome to read. Do not get me wrong, quotes are one of the strongest ways to back up a statement, yet you do not want them to flood your entire essay. In the future try using only one quote to back up an idea. I'm not going to count, but if I were to guess, I'd say you only wrote seven to ten of those sentences; the rest were merely quotes.While you're at it, tone down the hyphens.Best of luck on your next English paper, I honestly hope you will take my advice into account.I think I'm going to go take some asprin now.
- 16/02/2008
- 02:41:39
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The essay was very factual and well researched, yet your style of writing provides room for improvement. Though your grammar was mostly correct, the sentences were far too simplistic. I would look into compound, complex, and compound-complex sentence structure.That's just some constructive criticism, but good paper overall.
- 03/02/2008
- 02:45:06
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.