the transition of "even if this was important, it wasn't he most..." gets redundant and annoying; bad style. as allythegr8 also said, prestige was a major factor in exploration. should emphasize that money and fame were most impt. treasure huntingj/wealth also ties in with the route to asia, many explorers knew that a shorter route to asia would mean more money from the cheaper trade.
- 16/02/2003
- 16:30:18
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
the last sentence has funny wording. consumerism was a result of the prosperity in the 1920s and from unregulated business as well as an escape from the monotony of unskilled work. the author does a good job of presenting each of hte key factors that influenced US move away from traditional values. needs better transitions.
- 16/02/2003
- 16:25:05
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
maybe some more whys; like why the sedition act was passed, why there was a hatred towards labor unions, etc. also mention the immigration acts passed; emergency quota act and immigration act. could relate the scare to isolationism/nativsim that grasped the public during that the 20's as a result of the scare. very well organized and plenty of good facts.
- 16/02/2003
- 16:16:05
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
great organization of ideas and good anaylisis. though the conclusion could be stronger and wrap up a bit better. very nice.
- 21/01/2003
- 20:09:43
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
you don't prove your thesis, which says the civil war was the greatest war in US history. you gave a summery of the war and its battles but it doesn't at all relate to your thesis. just needs a new intro paragraph.
- 21/01/2003
- 18:53:28
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
comprehensive and well documented. awsome. whats the documentation style (chicigo?)
- 04/01/2003
- 00:15:11
- Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
a little more elaboration is needed here and there. maybe higher lvl vocab? need transitions more clearly defined paragraphs.
- 03/01/2003
- 23:25:32
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Well written, clearly defined structure and thesis. Perhaps more leniency on the types of teaching, or a parellel between teaching styles and government types. All this essay needs is some transitions. Good job!
- 03/01/2003
- 18:44:55
- Score: 8 out of 9 people found this comment useful.