User Details For: JumboMoos

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  • ...

    the transition of "even if this was important, it wasn't he most..." gets redundant and annoying; bad style. as allythegr8 also said, prestige was a major factor in exploration. should emphasize that money and fame were most impt. treasure huntingj/wealth also ties in with the route to asia, many explorers knew that a shorter route to asia would mean more money from the cheaper trade.
    • 16/02/2003
    • 16:30:18
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    the last sentence has funny wording. consumerism was a result of the prosperity in the 1920s and from unregulated business as well as an escape from the monotony of unskilled work. the author does a good job of presenting each of hte key factors that influenced US move away from traditional values. needs better transitions.
    • 16/02/2003
    • 16:25:05
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    maybe some more whys; like why the sedition act was passed, why there was a hatred towards labor unions, etc. also mention the immigration acts passed; emergency quota act and immigration act. could relate the scare to isolationism/nativsim that grasped the public during that the 20's as a result of the scare. very well organized and plenty of good facts.
    • 16/02/2003
    • 16:16:05
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Well written

    great organization of ideas and good anaylisis. though the conclusion could be stronger and wrap up a bit better. very nice.
    • 21/01/2003
    • 20:09:43
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Hmm

    you don't prove your thesis, which says the civil war was the greatest war in US history. you gave a summery of the war and its battles but it doesn't at all relate to your thesis. just needs a new intro paragraph.
    • 21/01/2003
    • 18:53:28
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Wow

    comprehensive and well documented. awsome. whats the documentation style (chicigo?)
    • 04/01/2003
    • 00:15:11
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Terse

    a little more elaboration is needed here and there. maybe higher lvl vocab? need transitions more clearly defined paragraphs.
    • 03/01/2003
    • 23:25:32
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice

    Well written, clearly defined structure and thesis. Perhaps more leniency on the types of teaching, or a parellel between teaching styles and government types. All this essay needs is some transitions. Good job!
    • 03/01/2003
    • 18:44:55
    • Score: 8 out of 9 people found this comment useful.