User Details For: silverfirexz

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  • I hate to say it...

    ...But you didn't prove any of the things listed in your thesis statement. All you did was provide the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.If you want to prove your thesis, then tie in each historical event to one of your points.If this cannot be done, then you should start again, and come up with valid support for each point in your thesis statement.
    • 27/01/2005
    • 18:38:10
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Pretty accurate

    However, the accuracy of this statement, "The Mormons believe these doctrines, because Joseph Smith was a very convincing person" cannot be verified, since you did not ever personally know Joseph Smith or hear him speak, etc.Other than that, this is a very impressive essay for having been written by a 6th grader; it has very nice sentence structure and word usage. Everything is accurate historically, and, while you don't go in depth of Mormon beliefs, you don't put a horribly all-too-common "satanic" stamp on it.
    • 27/01/2005
    • 18:13:03
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Um

    Mormons don't absolutely HAVE to do anything. Everything you listed are merely guidelines that the church offers.I'm glad you think that this is an admirable religion and lifestyle, because too many people are turned away by the nasty rumors about the Mormon religion.A note on the essay itself: it was a little choppy, and needs a good thesis sentence.:)
    • 27/01/2005
    • 08:51:52
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • ....

    This paper is made up purely of information from propaganda sites and the author's own opinion. Propaganda sites are nothing but their webmaster's own opinions and are designed to sway people to hold the same such opinion on a matter.Most of the things listed in this essay are twisted and are not the true beliefs of Mormons. Some things are not Mormon doctrine at all.Then, instead of presenting his information objectively, the author begins degrading the Mormon religion by making their beliefs sound lewd and satanic.If you want to truly know about a religion, go to the source. Propaganda and second-hand information is never true.
    • 26/01/2005
    • 10:09:24
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Learn the facts, man

    Now, I cannot vouch for the Catholic church, but you have certainly screwed up information regarding the Mormon religion.First of all, Joseph Smith was not in England when he received his first vision as a 14 year old boy. He was in New York. :)The vision never told him to disallow his family to join religions; it only gave guidance for himself. However, it stands to reason that he would inform his family that their religions were wrong.He didn't unearth the golden plates from a hill near his farm. He unearthed them from a hill in the Central-South America region.Joseph Smith never ran for President of the United States.Mormons were not simply "shunned." Try the word "persecuted." Have you not heard of the mobs in Missouri, the massescre of Nauvoo?Brigham Young did not decide to move the Saints (a more correct term for Mormons) from Missouri simply because they wanted plural marriages. It was more along the lines of wanting to move the Saints out of harm's way.And what you refer to as a "camp" in Salt Lake never became an empire. Certainly, it has a lot of Mormons and Mormon influences, but I don't know quite what you mean by "empire." Moreover, it cannot still exist today, because Utah was annexed into the Union.Mormons don't see god as the true Messiah. The Mormon religon sees God, the Father, His Son, Jesus Christ, who is Jehovah of the Old Testament, and the Holy Ghost, or Spirit.They are three separate entities, although they are joined in heart and mind by the same purpose."Today Mormons are described as anti-modern and anti-pluralist. Mormons don't change a rule if it does not work, like the Catholic Church, they simply suffer and live with it." Would you rather the Mormon religion be hypocrital and teach one thing while changing the rule to fit with modern evil?Mormons are not polygammists; they stopped the practice in the 1890s. The reasons for polygammy were that women were often left widowed by persecution and war, and, in that day and age, needed a husband to take care of them. Only certain men were allowed to have more than one wife, and they had to undergo major spiritual testing before being allowed the office.The Mormon religion believes that there is one person that is the eternal companion for another person, and polygammy was merely a way of seeing widowed and poor women taken care of."Mormons have strict codes of behavior that they have to abide by, the examples are no: alcohol, tobacco, tea, coffee and they also follow regulated dress norms. In Catholicism you are allowed to have and use all of those things, as long as it dose not cause sin."First of all, these "codes" are not very strict, nor do Mormons absolutely HAVE to follow them. All of the things you listed are indeed detrimental to the body and so are not all that bad to give up. Regulated dress norms aren't strict or mandatory either. These are all guidelines to follow. The dress code is simply to keep modest apparel: nothing sleeveless (ie tank tops, spaghetti straps...), nothing revealing an enormous amount of cleavage, etc. Basically, it is meant to keep the men looking cleanshaven and well-dressed and the women from looking like sluts.You consider girls being unable to sleep in the same room as a guy to be outrageous? I believe that there is another part to that rule: ALONE. And, that rule is for the protection of both parties; to make sure that they are not TEMPTED to engage in sexual activities.Mormon women are not allowed the priesthood. Women are allowed to hold offiices and callings, such as president, vice president, and secretary of such church organizations as the Young Women and Primary organizations, but they are not able to receive the priesthood.People who marry outside the Mormon religion are not "shunned." They are not looked down upon. It is simply encouraged to marry a good Mormon boy or girl because then said Mormon boys can take their Mormon girls to the Mormon temple, where they can be married for eternity."If they still marry without the consent of the church they would not be legally married in the eyes of the church nor be acknowledge." I don't know where you get that for Mormons.We don't receive revelation only from the Book of Mormon. We believe in the Bible, and study it regularly.How can you know for sure that Joseph Smith wrote it? It seems highly unlikely that he could have, since he never had any formal education and could not know of the geography that is detailed in the Book of Mormon.If you're going to get your information, you should get it directly from the Church, not from propaganda sites. The Church missionaries, members, or bishops would be more than happy to supply you with any information.If you have any questions, email me. silverfirexz@hotmail.com
    • 24/01/2005
    • 18:39:31
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Meh...

    Your writing mechanics, overall, aren't bad: good sentence structure, good word usage most of the time, but the content was only average.You need a thesis statement at the beginning of the essay to introduce your topic to readers. Also, mention by name the video, even if this was written as a class assignment in response to a video watched in class.The population of the Jews greatly declined as Germans tried to genocide the whole race.Genocide is a noun :) Try using the word 'exterminate' or something similar.
    • 21/01/2005
    • 15:46:36
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Another good analysis

    You are excellent at analyzing and breaking down poetry.Aside from that, your writing is very nicely done. You are well aware of the mechanics of the English language, and have a good, varying sentence structure.You fill your essay with examples from the poem, instead of simply alluding to such and such line, etc.
    • 17/01/2005
    • 09:07:45
    • Score: 18 out of 24 people found this comment useful.
  • Wow

    Excellent job. You are very articulate and analytical. You have taken a poem that many in this day and age believe is fairly indecipherable and you break it down, look past the words to see connotations, implications, and, in effect, what the author truly meant.Very, very good essay.
    • 17/01/2005
    • 09:00:47
    • Score: 35 out of 42 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice job

    pretty informative, well-written...your sentence structure could use some tightening up though. No worries, it's just a little thing
    • 17/01/2005
    • 08:33:44
    • Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Excellent

    Very well-thought out, well-written, and a good read. You scattered citations throughout the essay and did a good job of not lingering on any particular point.
    • 11/01/2005
    • 07:10:00
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Good, but could use a little tweaking. Tighten up sentences, and add a topic paragraph.You are very good at analyzation, though. Its a good skill to have :):)
    • 10/01/2005
    • 21:14:35
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • ...

    Just above mediocre in level, but interesting nonetheless. Work on sentence structure a little; you seem to favor short, choppy sentences. Vary it with complex a little, make it more interesting.Your ideas are intriguing, however, so keep it up!
    • 10/01/2005
    • 20:50:08
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Are you sure?

    You say that democracy started in Lincoln's Gettysburg Address? Democracy was in ancient cultures, like the Romans, as well.The word is from French, Greek, and Latin origins. :)
    • 09/01/2005
    • 14:29:58
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    The content of the essay itself is very good, but the format is horrible. Separate it into paragraph. I know that formatting can get screwed up when you upload stuff, so I'm not gonna push that :0Constructive criticism:You don't need slashes with citations, just quotes with the punctuation outside them, which you were pretty good with.At the top of the essay, when refering to the Black Death, you may want to replace it with Bubonic Plague, or insert a footnote there or something."...significantly effected by Christianity..." try using 'affected' :)Other than that, it was really good. You seem very informative, and have good sentence structure and a good sense of grammar.Keep it up!
    • 08/01/2005
    • 15:48:05
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • ...

    thanks :)Writing essays has never been my forte...I'd like to blame my poor format on the education system down here, but it is partly my fault for not bothering to look stuff up.Anyhow, thanks for the comment. Constructive criticism is much appreciated.
    • 06/05/2003
    • 18:11:48
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Um

    While this has a few good points, overall I fail to see why you posted this, as it is not an essay. Perhaps you could have turned this into a persuasive essay an then loaded it on this.Anyhow, all that aside, this was fairly well written, with very little grammar mistakes that I saw. However, one spelling mistake stood out like a sore thumb, "realality", which is really spelled "reality".Good job, nicely done letter.
    • 25/04/2003
    • 18:46:39
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Wow

    Most informative, with excellent grammar and sentence structure. I knew the basic history of a guillotine (Dr. Guillotine and such) but I didn't know that it had been used in recent history....1977....wow...Anyhow, good job, I enjoyed reading this essay! Keep up the good work
    • 25/04/2003
    • 18:26:28
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Took the words right out of my mouth...

    Aika and Dylanna sai exactly what I was thinking when I read this essay.My first thought was, that chocolate had caffeine, and so could be addictive, and then dylanna's comments, which I am too lazy to re-type out to list for you.Also, a few grammatical mistakes here and there struck me, as well as sentence structure.Keep trying!
    • 25/04/2003
    • 18:08:02
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Okay....

    This essay was okay, but nothing spectacular. The sentence structure was somewhat flat and repetitive, consisting mainly of simple sentences usually all beginning with the same thing, i.e. "Schizophrenia is...Schizophrenia is...." Frankly, this got boring after the first couple of sentences and I considered closing out of it.The information provided was good, and I did learn from it, but it seemed to jump around, particularly your case study of Robert Bayley. Anyhow, keep trying.
    • 25/04/2003
    • 17:40:06
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Pretty dang good

    This essay was VERY well written, with excellent wording, grammar, and sentence structure. You presented your ideas/information clearly and efficiently. You also listed your sources, which many authors on this site neglect to do. :) Very well done. I enjoyed reading this.
    • 03/04/2003
    • 19:08:20
    • Score: 13 out of 15 people found this comment useful.
  • Very very good

    This essay is excellent. You have outstanding sentence structure, and you vary the types of sentences. Your grammar is great, and there is a lot of information in this piece. Your thoughts/information is very well thought-out and worded appropriately. I enjoyed reading this very much.
    • 02/04/2003
    • 20:59:57
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Excellent

    This essay is very good. There is a lot of information on knighthood, and you took it step-by-step and took time to explain each thing. You used primarily simple and compound sentences; maybe you should stick a few complex sentences in there to make it less repetitive.Good job on everything else, though.OH, one more bit: when you were telling about that book, you automatically assumed that the reader would know what you are talking about. Maybe you should give a brief summary of what the book is about or something, and then continue on with your points, because some people who read this may need things to be spelled out for them, and picky teachers (like mine) demand it just because it is a better way of writing (according to her).Anyhow, this WAS an excellent piece of writing, and very informative.
    • 02/04/2003
    • 20:39:10
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Fairly Good

    Hey--This essay was pretty good, but there were a few grammatical errors that you might want to correct. Pretty good content for a brief overview, which is what this was. You probably could have rearranged some of the sentence structure and wording to make it sound better, but, overall, you did a fairly good job.
    • 02/04/2003
    • 20:23:43
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.