Great essay for yr 10 level. Use smaller paragraphs to space points and make the text easier to read.Well done.
- 30/04/2003
- 08:17:13
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This essay is of a very high standard for the author's level.Great bibliography.Well done.
- 30/04/2003
- 08:13:24
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This essay is well written, but you may want to research and include socio-economic factors (ie. about 10X more food can be produced from land if you are growing grain rather than breeding livestock. If enough people were to choose a vegetarian diet, food could easily be produced with the same amount of resources used now which could sustain nutrtional needs the thrird world.)Less emotive langauge might also be appropriate, and more striking. It shows that the composer is writing factually, and will be taken more seriously.I do think this is well written, and pretty well researched.Congrats to the author on the 100% mark.
- 30/04/2003
- 03:50:45
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I think the verse actually goes:For want of a nail a shoe was lost,For want of a shoe a horse was lost,For want of a horse a message was lost,For want of a message a battle was lost,For want of a battle a war was lost.Which seems to focus on power of small details, rather than the importance of timely action. If you really want to use this verse in the essay, you should explain in more depth how this verse does what you describe, and the significance of that to the "stitch in time" proverb.To not use one (or more) saying(s) to interprate another would also make the essay more effective. For example, is it necessary to include both "Time waits for no one" and "Opportunity knocks on our door" in the second paragraph?Try to address at all times the question being asked, and explain directly how each statement links to answering it.Mentioning the proverb in only the introduction and conlcusion is not enough. It should be the focus of the entire essay.Try to back up every point you make with evidence. For example, you could talk about how proverbs evolve and become part the langauge, to create a deeper understanding of why "Proverbs have a deep meaning."You have made some good points, but try to read over your work asking yourself how relevent each statement is, and try to avoid using too many cliches.
- 30/04/2003
- 03:20:48
- Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
This essay could be improved by using more paragraphs to break it into more managable chunks. :)
- 28/04/2003
- 09:21:23
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This "essay" was very sarcastic and sort of funny, but neither fantastic, nor all that convincing. (I'm sticking to the cheap shampoo.)In the 3rd paragraph is a small spelling mistake wherein the word "strait" is used instead of "straight".
- 27/04/2003
- 12:41:34
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I liked this essay but there are quite a few typos, especially in the 2nd half. For example, in the sentence "...respect for libery and freedom than was the norm atthe time." Liberty is missing the "t".And the in following sentence: "Even the war against Iraq is showing great improvments in peoples lives..." The word improvements is also missing a letter. There are many such mistakes.You just need to run this through a spelling checker. :)
- 27/04/2003
- 12:34:39
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This essay has completely failed to realistically address a very real problem. anorexia is a massive health issue in America. Many people die each year because of anorexia nervosa.Very few people can live happily with this disease, and none healthliy. It is a sickness, an obsession *with* food, and a form of starvation.It is not a viable solution to America's weight problem.This essay has not presented a balanced argument. Its introduction points out some of the problems with different forms of weight loss, which are all valid. However it does not point out the problems with anorexia, and the benefits it suggests are not realistic, nor healthy. To argue against an alternative is not a complete argument for a cause.I hope this writer does a little more research, and tries to present their next essay based on facts.
- 27/04/2003
- 12:20:45
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
I found this essay interesting and convincing. It was well written for 10th grade level. A bibliography would have been appropriate. I don't understand how the legalization of cannabis would reverse the greenhouse effect. It seems the opposite would be true (pot smoke only contributes to the problem.)But overall it was a good, straight-forward essay. (And I like the topic!) Well done.
- 27/04/2003
- 11:56:31
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
I could really relate to this story! It's simple and entertaining. I love the detail you have used to create tension.
- 27/04/2003
- 11:41:21
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I agree with chiefcheeb - I haven't read the poem, but will now. This is a great analysis. You manage to make to poem sound really interesting and inspiring while covering all the devices used in it. The essay itself is not only engaging but somehow inspiring. You have provided an indepth analysis of the poem's meaning, and the way in which meaning has been conveyed. Well done!
- 27/04/2003
- 10:45:57
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Unfortunately I could not get the site to accept the diagrams which go along with this text, and could not figure out how to change the title. If you need these pictures, or can tell me how to change the essay title so as not to include the note about photos/diagrams, please message me. Thanks.
- 27/04/2003
- 03:15:20
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.