logical organization but shouldn't use 1st person.
- 14/01/2004
- 22:30:45
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I like your paper. I seems to be focused and goes into detail to explain. I give it a smiley face! :)
- 08/07/2003
- 13:30:22
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
"It is quite evident how the writing styles of the characters in William Faulkner's"Make it:The writing style is quite evident in WIlliam Faulkner's ..[blahblah]... The characters, for example, ...[blahblah]."
- 08/07/2003
- 13:24:41
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Very good. But the "Ways Of Preventing Fraud" section is completely irrelavent! You are describing the specific case of Enron. Then you go off like a guide on how not to get scammed. If Enron hadn't cease then you could work it in as preventing the specif cases like Enron...Take away that section and you've got a 8-page essay, according to you.
- 07/07/2003
- 15:01:52
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I like this essay. The language used is very straight-forward and therefore, the points are clearly brought to the reader.
- 07/07/2003
- 14:32:40
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Good narative and good analysis, whether it's yours or from one of your sources.Citation errors in paragraph 3 and 5... might want to fix those...
- 07/07/2003
- 14:28:39
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This is a very good narative paper. Most likely an "A" if you use it in middle/high school.For more effect, change it to present tense, but it's already good the way it is.
- 07/07/2003
- 14:26:14
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I don't know alot about chemistry, but you seem to know what you're talking about, and the professor would agree, if your results really are true.As for the english part of it, take out the "in conclusion" at the end. You should NEVER have that in an essay. But if your professor doesn't care so much about the english part as much as the info/content, then leave it alone.
- 07/07/2003
- 14:24:01
- Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
Yikes! You chose a topic that was too broad... Narrow it down: "Advances in technology on the battlefield" or "Advances in technology in the hospital."
- 07/07/2003
- 09:15:11
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This was a bad topic choice to start off with, a bit superficial. But considering that, it's well disected.Last paragraph (conclusion) you might want to add "according to Piercy..." somewhere in there.
- 07/07/2003
- 09:10:14
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Divide up the body paragraphs further so each paragraph is shorter - intimadation of long paragraphs. Also, write a new conclusions. Yours sounds like you're dismissing the shole prompt after you've explains two good points.
- 07/07/2003
- 09:03:03
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.