User Details For: kittenpause1

Essay List
Comments List
  • You should have studied this first - you have no references!

    Not enough detail here. You have a section stating "Abusees inevitably become abusers" but you don't even address this statement, let alone prove it. Also you say how the number of reports of child abuse have increased but just because somebody reports abuse doesn't mean their report is substantiated, looking at the ACTUAL figure of substantiated reports the child abuse figure has decreased.
    • 10/04/2005
    • 19:57:50
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • This is probably the worst essay I've read on this issue

    An inconsistant rambling of ideas without any real evidence of argument to support your beliefs. There is no way in hell this essay is of 10th grade standard and there is no way this would have received 94%, let alone a pass.
    • 10/04/2005
    • 19:45:49
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • In-depth

    Very detailed. I'm surprised you didn't mention the number of sweat shops run by Nike. They are a multi billion dollar company and yet they pay these people a few dollars a week... It is very sad.
    • 01/04/2005
    • 07:04:27
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Abortion

    I don't think you have properly researched this issue. There are a number of spelling errors, and this is too opinionated. You need to be objective rather than subjective. Don't say "I think" and make up statements that can't be backed up by evidence. Many people say they are pro-life until they face the situation themselves. Abortion is a personal issue, and if you decide to make it illegal, people will still abort and it much more gruesome ways. We shouldn't ever go back to the days of backyard abortions. If you had actually researched this topic you would know just how horrific these abortions were, and how important it is to have abortions legally performed by a professional.
    • 29/03/2005
    • 03:34:08
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Cheater...

    I thought this looked like an excerpt from someone else's essay and in less than 5 minutes I found this on yahoo.com after a brief search.http://www.learning4fun.org/yr9_ww1_women.htm
    • 28/03/2005
    • 05:34:50
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Too short

    This essay is too short, it barely touches on some of the most important issues in this text and the importance of symbolism in this brilliant book. There is just so much you can say about this text I can't believe you achieved that grade for a year 11 paper.
    • 28/03/2005
    • 05:12:29
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Too short

    You really have stated a few basic similarities - but what about the differences. A good argument and essay states both sides of the debate.
    • 28/03/2005
    • 04:28:05
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Oscar Wilde

    An amazing novel - you could have written much more about this incredible book, especially considering that you are in the twelfth grade. However the content is good, though minimal.
    • 22/03/2004
    • 05:54:22
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Good essay, but relatively short. I would say that communism, in theory, is a great system, but in practice it simply cannot work.
    • 20/12/2003
    • 22:08:48
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Okay, but..

    Try not to just retell the story and instead make points about symbolism in the story and how it relates to the challenges she had to face.
    • 20/12/2003
    • 22:06:07
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Excellent

    This is one of the first really good abortion essays that I've read. It is well researched and I enjoyed reading your statistics and facts which supported your argument quite well. Both sides are argued which makes this both interesting and informative to a reader.
    • 15/12/2003
    • 03:38:41
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Choice

    I believe that the choices we make will determine the person we are. It is our decisions and our beliefs that make us who we are.
    • 14/12/2003
    • 18:33:06
    • Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good :)

    Short, but interesting and well written.
    • 14/12/2003
    • 08:31:20
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Keep writing

    I love poetry, I write much of it myself. It is an expression of humanity and yours expresses the heartbreak and sadness of losing a friend and a lover. Good work and keep writing!
    • 14/12/2003
    • 08:25:30
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Think about it

    This essay is obviously very biased which makes it less effective in trying to convince me of anything you say. Firstly I do not believe in a god, secondly, your first statement which says that the mother is a "murderer" is not fair. Sometimes abortions are necessary because the mother may die if they have the baby, or as Coralee mentioned, the mother may have been raped. I get the impression that you know very little about abortion, particularly after reading your statement that said "abortion is murder because life begins when a person's chromosomes are joined together" - this is only the opinion of some pro-life website written by women who have never been raped or in a position where abortion is necessary. Before you criticise women who choose abortion, try and imagine what its like being raped..
    • 14/12/2003
    • 08:03:49
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Okay

    Good but this is very similar to the pending essay by Expertmaster on exactly the same subject.
    • 14/12/2003
    • 07:54:53
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    For a 7th grade paper this is well researched. Good stuff
    • 14/12/2003
    • 07:50:18
    • Score: 12 out of 12 people found this comment useful.
  • Great piece

    There is no doubt in my mind that this is a phenomenal essay which is well documented. I like the way the condition is described so well, and your example of a person with schizophrenia is an excellent source for the reader. I guess the only negative comment I could make is that it would have been good if you could have examined two people with schizophrenia however, I believe this is well deserving of its grade of 92%
    • 14/12/2003
    • 07:23:33
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Guns

    An unusual insight into the possibility of guns for all. However, it sounds quite chaotic and almost resembles America today. When law is taken into your own hands, it means that a lot of people will die and this world would be a terrible place. It would be nice to have your opinion about a world with no guns too.
    • 10/12/2003
    • 21:44:46
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • To HOBA

    Hoba, quit your bitching. Their are children who don't have enough food to survive, and even in first world countries their are thousands of homeless people who don't bitch as much as you. If everyone is "sooooooooooooo dumb", then that doesn't say very much about your intelligence, which means that you have "no brains or ambition in life" either. Due to your low IQ and the above statements made by you, its no surprise that you have no money to get the hell out of there!
    • 08/12/2003
    • 06:46:26
    • Score: 13 out of 37 people found this comment useful.
  • Very impressive

    I'm very impressed with this essay. Your references are excellent, and the quality of this piece is a credit to you.
    • 08/12/2003
    • 06:35:17
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Real Friendship is about WHO you are :)

    I think that your essay is not entirely based on fact. What you wear is important to some degree, but its not everything. So what if you don't have the best clothes or hair style, it doesn't mean your best friend will hate you. Friendship is about who you are, not what you wear.
    • 03/12/2003
    • 22:53:54
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Not long enough

    This essay is particularly short for someone in the thirteenth grade! There are a number of grammatical errors and there are many areas where this could be expanded. For example, your first line says "Human body has always been exploited; beauty has always been used to achieve aims" Despite being grammatically incorrect, you do not explain WHO is being exploited or HOW? Has pornography always existed? no - so why did it start? you need to ask yourself these questions and more before you hand up this piece.
    • 29/11/2003
    • 22:41:32
    • Score: 10 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Hitler

    I think this essay is a little short and the structure neeeds some work. Some grammatical errors and not enough of your own ideas. Read my essay on the psychohistory of Adolf Hitler for some help.
    • 27/11/2003
    • 21:14:18
    • Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • Vampire: I will suck your blood!... yummy!

    I am both shocked and impressed at the depth of your essay. Despite its length, you make many good points and from reading your bibliography I can tell why! Your dedication to this piece is evident. Great effort!
    • 27/11/2003
    • 20:52:23
    • Score: 23 out of 25 people found this comment useful.
  • Comments

    Quite a short essay and although you have used some big words, this hasn't actually given any greater depth to your essay which doesn't actually say very much. You haven't delved into the world's reaction of September 11 and why it really was so shocking. It was the largest scale terrorist attack but at the very least it should have been a wake up call to America to stop screwing the rest of the world over.
    • 21/11/2003
    • 03:43:51
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Americans are generally stupid..

    I think the chances of there being a black president are slim. But not for the reasons you have stated. There is great division in American society even today and although I believe a black president would be a million times better than Bush, Americans are generally racist white males, and that is why it is unlikely. Besides, the previous election was rigged so that Bush would win.. how does that give anyone else a chance?? If you want more details read "Stupid White Men" or "Dude, where's my country" by Michael Moore.
    • 20/11/2003
    • 06:05:49
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Is this your rough copy?

    if you are going to use the word "stereotype" spell it correctly.also try spelling "counselling" right. These are just two examples of the spelling errors I found in your essay - this will lose you lots of marks. For a 12th grade paper this is particularly short and the content is quite poor.
    • 20/11/2003
    • 05:41:22
    • Score: 5 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • :) Smile, say cheese!

    What's funny is, people were probably writing things like that 50 years ago, or even 100 years ago about our world. The thing you learn with age is, the world doesn't get better. Although we would like the world to be like this in the future, it never will be. Good for 7th grade piece though.
    • 20/11/2003
    • 05:34:14
    • Score: 14 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
  • Mmmmm..k

    I'm not entirely convinced that even you believe what you're saying... but then again, that's probably the athiest in me talking. A few spelling errors to watch out for. If you are going to state where the quotes are from - make sure you do it for all quotes - not just one.
    • 20/11/2003
    • 05:27:22
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Green smiley can't run - he has no legs

    Black athletes shouldn't be undermined, I agree. They should be congratulated for their effort and their succession in sport. No matter what race/ethnicity/colour or origins you have, every one would try to succeed in something and if its sport, then they should be praised for that.
    • 17/11/2003
    • 23:40:52
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Poor...

    lol, this is definitely not a University Phd paper. It is more an 11th grade rough copy - you didn't even spell "Nelson Mandela" correctly. Some other grammatical errors too.
    • 17/11/2003
    • 23:22:16
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • :) Good

    An interesting piece on an important issue. An introduction stating who the stolen generation are (though it is implied) would be useful to someone who knew nothing about this subject. Also an analogy on the events that occured after assimilation would be good too.
    • 17/11/2003
    • 02:56:11
    • Score: 6 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Comment

    Try to explain both your argument in agreement of the writer, but also take a moment - even if its just a couple of lines - to say, but.... If you can show that you have examined both sides of the argument then you can improve your score.
    • 17/11/2003
    • 02:48:13
    • Score: 10 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Really well done. Some very good points made and I can tell this is well researched
    • 16/11/2003
    • 02:56:30
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    A lot of thought has been put in to this. Very good.
    • 14/11/2003
    • 02:02:22
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good work

    Very informative and interesting to read. I certainly have learnt some new things from this piece. Good work
    • 13/11/2003
    • 09:23:21
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Analyse this

    you have retold story without really discussing the symbolism of the racism in the story.conclusion is too short. - should be roughly 100-200 words.Whole essay should be longer and more detailed.
    • 11/11/2003
    • 08:10:36
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Poor

    All you have done is retell the story, it's too subjective and doesn't run smoothly.
    • 11/11/2003
    • 08:07:05
    • Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Thoughtful

    I like your essay. It raises some important points about an issue that is so rarely confronted. However when addressing issues such as christianity, although i do not believe in christianity, the bible does state that God hates homosexuals. Therefore it is the christian belief that homosexuality is wrong. Nonetheless, a well documented insignhtful piece - I like your anecdote too.
    • 11/11/2003
    • 06:47:40
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Not typical nor ideal family

    The thing we must remember are sitcoms are just that, sitcoms. They are there to entertain us, not to base our lives around. The Osbournes are a rarity - who else would sell their family to tv? When we watch sitcoms I hope we don't try to base our life around them because most of them are fake!
    • 08/11/2003
    • 19:58:25
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinion.

    Very informative. Well researched. Good.
    • 08/11/2003
    • 18:55:40
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinion

    i think you have written a very biased essay. Although you have made some good points you fail to mention that terrorism has always been around and that the only difference that September 11 made was that it was on a much larger scale. However it is nothing to the millions of deaths in Rwanda that America could have stopped. Often terrorism is about revenge..
    • 08/11/2003
    • 18:51:20
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinion

    This essay is absolutely terrible. Only your point of view is addressed without any consideration of the other side of the argument. You use too much coloquial language and has numerous spelling and grammatical errors. Quite a poor piece of work.
    • 07/11/2003
    • 21:38:41
    • Score: 2 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    now the real irony would be if this essay was copied from someone else.
    • 07/11/2003
    • 21:12:59
    • Score: 5 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Very bad.

    You poor misguided fool. The United States should have expected such a response from terrorists after the way it has treated the rest of the world.You need more resources than just your opinion which is clearly unsupported by anyone with an IQ above 100...
    • 04/11/2003
    • 04:49:41
    • Score: 1 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Ummm.... no.

    As optimistic as your piece is, it doesn't make me really believe anything that you're saying. Your paragraph that refers to abortion being a tragedy is only a couple of lines and you don't even consider how much of a tragedy it is when children are dumped on doorsteps or in dumpsters to die or when they are born addicted to drugs and are brought up without enough to eat each day. I have read so many anti-abortion pieces and this one is not good - or persuasive.
    • 04/11/2003
    • 04:25:04
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinion

    this is possibly the most biased piece of writing i've ever read - i mean, an essay is meant to be an argument - an analysis of both points of view. However, I must also add that this is very informative and you have argued your point well even though I may not agree with it.
    • 04/11/2003
    • 04:12:28
    • Score: 16 out of 21 people found this comment useful.
  • Green Smiley

    I didn't think someone could write over 2000 words on this topic but it seems you have been able to write a detailed and accurate report on what it is to be healthy. Quite interesting.
    • 03/11/2003
    • 03:44:30
    • Score: 7 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Poor..

    Your paragraphs are too short, you have completely forgotten to have a proper introduction and really this essay has little actual information in it!
    • 30/10/2003
    • 23:58:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Unusual.. yet interesting.

    A very interesting look at the world. Though unable to allow me to come to any conclusions myself of my existence I was impressed by the depth of your analogy.
    • 27/10/2003
    • 00:19:40
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Opinion

    A little short, but rather informative all the same. Some gramatical errors you may want to address and instead of telling the story, try actually arguing a point.
    • 20/10/2003
    • 23:23:49
    • Score: 18 out of 18 people found this comment useful.
  • :) Good

    I really enjoyed reading this paper. It was interesting, particularly as i knew nothing of the subject prior to reading this. It was informative, well referenced and overall, quite good. My only negative comment would be, that it would improve if it were a little longer and if the conclusion was expanded out more.
    • 20/10/2003
    • 23:06:23
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Look at the WHOLE world

    I think you have analysed the situation in the United States and have assumed this is the situation in all countries. Rights that may seem so basic to you are essential to some people such as black south africans who are still strongly discriminated against, in a majority white rich society. You are so blind to the problems OUTSIDE of the United States. Look beyond your own neighbourhood.
    • 20/10/2003
    • 04:49:30
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • This is terrible..

    This is possibly one of the worst essays I've ever read. I say send them all to the army. It's an unemployment and weight loss solution in one - and isn't that what America needs?
    • 07/10/2003
    • 20:53:14
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Cheater

    Cheating? That is lame... You suck dick...
    • 07/10/2003
    • 20:25:40
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • You have missed some important points

    I love this story. Of Mice and Men is one book which I treasure yet you have failed to see some of the most important aspects of this book. When you mention the way people treat Crooks you fail to mention how differently Lennie treats him. And why is title significant? The title is so important so examine much more closely the reasons for symbolism and the irony of certain events in this book.
    • 07/10/2003
    • 20:21:41
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Look at both sides

    This is not a 12th grade paper, expand out the paragraphs and mention why Gun Control is not the answer. Look at both sides of the story, not just the one that you believe is correct. I don't know a lot about guns but you do not need a machine gun or sniper to kill animals. Try and expand out your argument further.
    • 07/10/2003
    • 20:15:07
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Don't retell story

    Don't just retell the story. What are your main points? What is symbolic about the events in the book? How does this story relate to all of humanity?
    • 05/10/2003
    • 18:28:56
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Could be much better

    Could have expanded in a lot of areas. By the way when you talk of the king of Russia, Alexander - he is not a "Czar" it is spelt "Tsar"
    • 04/10/2003
    • 23:43:32
    • Score: 9 out of 12 people found this comment useful.
  • Stop quoting..

    too many quotes and not enough of your own ideas.
    • 04/10/2003
    • 23:36:52
    • Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Sociology

    Some good anecdotes with a diversity of situations however for a 13th grade assignment you could have gone into far greater detail and looked at the sociology of how such situations exist, for example, the influence someone's mother's mother had on them and how that made them treat their own daughter.
    • 03/09/2003
    • 04:01:30
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Is it "Personnel"?

    It was a little irritating to read "personnel" rather than "personal" at the beginning however my initial hesitations over the quality of this piece were soon overcome. A well written essay however, it could be developed further in some areas.
    • 03/09/2003
    • 03:54:42
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    For a 10th grade essay, this is good work and it relates the book to your life which any good writer must do!
    • 03/09/2003
    • 03:48:12
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Good examples but try and find more themes to expand your piece
    • 02/09/2003
    • 06:32:02
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Essay commentgo

    Despite being a long essay, it was enjoyable and very informative to read. Try not to go over the same point twice.
    • 01/09/2003
    • 06:31:01
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Stuff

    I loved this essay, it was intriguing, informative and had a great opening quote. It also had lots of sources and taught me a lot about a subject I knew little about!
    • 01/09/2003
    • 06:26:54
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Informative piece

    This essay has an interesting introduction which intrigued me to read on. Perhaps, it would be helpful if you analysed both sides of the argument about cloning. However, overall it was well researched and quite informative.
    • 01/09/2003
    • 06:22:07
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Essay is okay

    This essay was well written but needed more sources.
    • 01/09/2003
    • 06:19:06
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.