Very good point. This essay is an easy read. Aside from a few grammatical errors, very well-writen and thought out.
- 25/09/2003
- 18:28:17
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
You obviously are into history, and your writing is impressive for the 8th grade. Keep up the informative work.
- 24/09/2003
- 14:33:51
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
But, you left out one key factor. Francis Ferdinad, the nephew of the emporer of Austria-Hungary, was asasignated by some guy named Peter or something who was in The Black Hand- an underground Serbia government (which you mentioned had an aliance with Russia.) So, Austria declares war on Serbia and b/c of an alliance Germany declares war on Serbia, then Russia (allies of Serbia) declares war on Germany... The rest they say is history... But it makes you think WWI could have never happend if the emporer let the death of his nephew go.
- 24/09/2003
- 14:29:55
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
Suprisingly well written for eigth grade. If you haven't turned it in, I suggest you define "pathogen" so your teacher doesn't mistakingly presume you simply cut and paste from the internet. Other than that, Not bad.
- 24/09/2003
- 14:22:34
- Score: 5 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
Very informative, obvious history paper. It is an easy read, and I enjoyed it. I must commend you on not putting me to sleep with the extensive biography of Ludmilla. :-)
- 24/09/2003
- 14:13:13
- Score: 12 out of 12 people found this comment useful.
Ok, I suggest you start with the case study to help put the reader on the same page. Then, create a paragraph discussing all the possible issues you can find in the case study. Next, define your arguments with the affects on the patient. (You should now have 3 paragraphs). Now, ask how such a case can be avoided, list solutions, and list possible results. Finally, you should be set for a well informed conclusion. E-mail me if you need more.
- 24/09/2003
- 14:08:39
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
If you are still in the 10th grade this paper will warrant a high b or low a. But, if you wish to improve here is some constructive critcism: I had difficulty following; for example, who is "officer Rochebrune" and why did he think that he was his father? Give some thought on painting a bigger picture, and always assume your reader knows nothing! Other than that, a good, solid sophomore paper.
- 24/09/2003
- 13:56:17
- Score: 12 out of 12 people found this comment useful.
What are your numbers refering to? Yes, obviously the book, but you have to cite it. Without a bib. page and proper citation, I don't know if you got your quotes from the reader's digest, an unabriged version, or from a high school literature book. You must cite the exact book, publishing co., copyrigt date, etc. Then you can put page numbers sporadically throughout the paper. That's my only complaint. Otherwize, the paper's ok
- 23/09/2003
- 14:07:58
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
If this is a final draft, I am disappointed. I've read your work and this seems too choppy. You had a very good point, but you fail to keep it flowing. Your sentences are wordy, and you are in need of comma usage. The point is good, but the paper needs more work.
- 23/09/2003
- 13:59:24
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Very well writen. Your words are captivating, yet I only wish there were more. I think the piece is unfinished; there are more words your heart wishes to speak, yet your mind cannot form the syllables.
- 23/09/2003
- 13:42:06
- Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
Easy read, very informative. Only a few grammatical errors, mostly certain unspoken rules such as starting a sentence with a pronoun and using terms such as "there it". Very good paper.
- 23/09/2003
- 12:11:48
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
You asked me to review this for you. Not bad. Very informative. There are a few grammatical errors, basically look over with a careful eye and fix commas. "Alot" is two words, but other than that, only minor defects. Good Job.
- 23/09/2003
- 11:48:42
- Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
You need a strong intro. Your theme is good, and I like your textual evidence. However, your writing style is choppy... It seems like a 'cut and paste' paper. As a whole it is ok.
- 17/09/2003
- 12:29:46
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Your essay more than likely got an F because it is written in the format of an elementary student. If you plan to have your work recognize by a teacher, you cannog give a 'back of the book' synopsis. You must introduce the book, give opinions--preferably those that can be cited, textual evidence and at least an illusion that you actually read the book. It is obvious you didn't spend much time on this.
- 17/09/2003
- 12:25:53
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.