Try to stick with one topic, or main subject, throughout your essay. If you want to focus on the Olympics or bobsleding, that's fine. However, try not to change the subject in such a brief piece. The reason why you would like to go to Jamaica is not important here. Also, try not to make needless assumptions, or assumptions in general for that matter, such as the type of clothing Jamaicans wear. The essay ended without really getting to a point.
- 06/04/2002
- 01:59:27
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
A very controversial topic, handled fairly well. I would have liked to see more source information about the types of chores, etc. given to girls vs. boys. Even though it is somewhat of a common knowledge, the information you provided about this topic really doesn't have any solid backing. I appreciate the source given in the second half of the paper, although I believe the quote might have been used and explained better.The paper focuses on the ways in which gender is stereotyped in society, which is a good place to start. However, I would have been interested in reading some source and comentary that regards crossing gender roles, or something to that nature. You, of course, could then agree or disagree with the source and create a compelling counter arguement. Just to be nit picky, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Otherwise, its a good informative piece.
- 06/04/2002
- 01:47:26
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Good use of a pursuasive arguement. I appreciated your definition of patriotism stated in the introductory paragraph. You did a good job of embelishing on that description later in the paper. I like the Goldman quote, but would have felt more swayed to your arguement had you embelished upon her beliefs and then stated why you disagree. A counter arguement makes a much stronger paper. You started to make a counter point, but stopped too soon. Great work overall.
- 05/04/2002
- 18:50:07
- Score: 10 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
Very interesting piece, indeed. The use of the trivia-like statistics is very effective. They grabbed my attention and made me want to continue reading. Also, I appreciate your own opinions in this essay. It was impressive that you had your own dietary analysis done and shared the results in your paper. The examples of the hens and peanut oil were excellent to make your reader aware of the unhealthy nature of the food industry. I would have liked to know more about this. People should be more aware of what they are purchasing at the grocery store. Great work!
- 05/04/2002
- 00:16:14
- Score: 10 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
A very interesting tutorial on the Data Protection Acts and such. Very informative, indeed. However, as an essay, it lacks your own analysis and opinions. I appreciate the research put into the paper. But at the same time, the essay reads more as a collection of source material rather than a critical essay. The topic of computer privacy is very controversial-- sources are an excellent place to start, but a paper is about expressing your argument/point of view and the counter arguements contained within your subject matter. Press on!
- 05/04/2002
- 00:05:58
- Score: 8 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
This is a thourough essay detailing the beliefs of the Catholic Church. However, I didn't read anything about individual beliefs. The belief system in the Church is so deep and layered...it could have been a great opportunity to explore some of your own personal beliefs. Whether your beliefs agree or disagree with those of the Church, putting some of your own ideas into the essay would make it a very interesting piece. The essay as a whole is very well informed. But take a side, express an opinion. It will be that much stronger.
- 04/04/2002
- 23:58:03
- Score: 11 out of 16 people found this comment useful.
Great critical essay. I really like how you blend the author's text with your own thoughts. It is very effective to pinpoint what the author should have mentioned and then mention them yourself. I am a technical director in a scene shop and always apreciate a little management refresher course. Short but sweet!
- 20/03/2002
- 12:42:21
- Score: 12 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
One of my favorite books =) This is a very interesting take on Holden's character if he was alive in the 21st century. You have pinpointed some of his essential character traits and crafted a fun personal narrative style story.
- 20/03/2002
- 12:33:19
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Fairly well informed essay. I would, however, like to know more about the sources you got your statistics and information from. This is a very interesting topic, but I think the sentence structure of the essay (fragments, commas, and such) make it a little more difficult to read. The essay would also be more interesting if you explained a little about the other theory of creation (god) as a counter argument to your main arguement.
- 20/03/2002
- 12:27:15
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Very good parallel of the warren to human society. You clearly spell out the relationships between specific instances in the novel and specific traits of humanity. This idea is very interesting and I would like to see it become more of a critical essay, rather than a mere comparision. For example, what does this relationship to literature mean to us as humans? What do you think Adams was trying to convey by relating the rabbit society so closely to ours? Just food for thought.
- 19/03/2002
- 14:50:06
- Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.