All About Nothing (The Story of My Life)

Essay by billhessCollege, Undergraduate February 1997

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Perhaps the most important thing that has happened in my life is the fact that

nothing really big or important has ever happened in my life. For example, my parents are

still happily married, and nobody really close to me has evr died. All of this is very

unfortunate, I am sure, because if one of these things had happened I would have been

able to find a topic for this very essay which I am writing very easily, and would not have

had such a hard time getting this essay in to my teacher on time. Nor have I rescued a

little kitten from a tree, which when I think about it is really unfortunate because then not

only would I have had a topic, but I might also have gotten my picture in the

"Hillsborough Beacon," or even in the "Somerset Messenger Gazette," which, in the lingo

of those in the news paper business, is the 'big time.'

But there is little point in even

mentioning these things, because they have not happened, and thus, I am left topicless. I

could try to fool you with some far out, totally unbelievable story about how I was in a car

wreck involving at least two dozen cars, including the president's limousine, and how

despite having broken two legs, an arm, in addition to various other body parts too

numerous to mention, I managed to drag myself out of the wrecked car (A job for the

Jaws of Life, for sure, had it been any other person but me in that car), and then how I

managed to haul all of the other survivors, among them the president himself, out of their

cars, and to safety, only moments before a small fire that was caused by the crash reached...