Descriptive Essay.

I must say I found it hard to picture someone with 'dark mahogeny' skin and red hair like the colour of a 'cheap lipstick'. The contrast between these two descriptions made it hard for me to draw a clear picture of the person you described. I'm not saying that it's not possible for people to have these colour combinations, it just was a real stretch of the imagination. Then again, anything that makes you really think is not a bad thing. Am in two minds as to whether your essay was successful in it's goal to allow the reader to imagine this person 'Kevin' from babyhood to old age. I think it would have been great if you could have incorporated some more imaginative descriptions into the change in his personality, feelings and thoughts as he aged.

Are you describing a human? I have never seen a dark-skinned person with flaming red hair, except maybe a clown wearing a wig. The sound of the waves crashing does not fit in with the sense of sight. In order to make poetry emotive, the descriptions have to correlate with the correct sense. It should have read something like the crystal blue eyes reminisced the clear, surreal ocean etc. The description of the powdered baby made me feel sick not relaxed. The transition of Kevin as a baby and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it is missing the link between the two. You should have added in a line or two about how youth fades so quickly and the vulnerability of life, then moved onto the aged Kevin. Taking a look at Shakespeares Sonnet 60, may be helpful here. Okay I also have another contention. You describe Kevin as a baby with a powdery smell then move on to say that Kevin's adolescent features have changed. CHECK THE DICTIONARY!!!! An adolescent is a teenager, and I wouldn't classify 13-20 year olds as having a powdery smell or as a baby. And the analogy between the piece of glass and Kevin as an old man doesn't work, it evokes the wrong imagery. And my last point of criticism.... I dont equate the smell of a nursing home filled with medicine - with aging beauty, I equate it with stinky old people rotting to death.

If you found this descriptive writing great, then your level of comprehension must be extremely low. I think you need special attention ..... get a tutor.

The other people's comments are right, so I won't repeat them, but your essay was a good descriptive essay, even if it wasn't logical at times. I would urge you to continue writing and submitting, even if you don't agree with people's criticism. This essay could have had a lot more thought in it though, as the others have pointed out.

Pretty good for a descriptive essay, but it was a little difficult at times to picture what you were trying to describe.

I think I could really imagine what you have written. IT's quite beautiful