How to eat a taco

Have you ever stepped out of your humble home on a chilly, November morning, and thought to yourself, "I would really like a taco,"? Were your wishes for this said taco thwarted by your humiliating uncertainty on the proper taco ingestion methods? My friend, you are not alone. Nor do you have to fear. Guidelines do exist on the proper way to eat a taco. They are simple, and very easy to commit to memory.

First, one must learn proper taco holding procedures. Do not hold the taco in the same way a small child would hold a tiny rodent, squeezing and applying excessive amounts of pressure, instead, lightly, daintily grasp the taco. It has a brittle shell that will easily break if too much pressure is applied.

There are two widely accepted methods of taco gripping. The first, which is the most common, is the underhanded, otherwise known as the "hand-puppet" or "mitten" approach.

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To begin this underhanded method, curl the hand as if one was about to place it into a mitten, the main four fingers should be touching and slightly curled and the thumb should remain separate from these. This gripping method allows one to apply only light pressure to the taco, while still allowing them to maintain complete control.

The second gripping technique is the over handed, otherwise known as the "drooping hand" approach. It is formed in the same way as the underhanded technique, only, inverted. This technique allows for heightened taco support, and still offers great control. However, it is considered impolite in many social circles. The "drooping hand" is only to be used around close, nonjudgmental friends.

Next, one must be concerned with the proper taco eating procedure. A taco must be eaten slowly with much relish, while chewing with the mouth in...