Fear

Essay by PaperNerd ContributorHigh School, 12th grade November 2001

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"I'm here, I'm here," I scream. "Right here, look at me "clawing and scratching But as always my voice remains silent, buried deep within, covered with fear.

I never liked it in school, ever since kindergarten, it always made me feel small Every time I would get on the bus, I would take myself and slide it away between the seats Not a peep, not a word, why talk when I knew the outcome Ridicule Its hurt so much, to know people enjoyed seeing my quiver every time I spoke Its one of the main reason I am quite in class.

Words from my mouth only speak pain, because that's all they know.

I wish I could show myself, what I am inside Why bother, one more year, and then I wont have to hide anymore I will be true to myself for once in my life Know thy fears, (pause) I do (pause), but most people mistake it as being shy A square of fears, no in and out, pain all around.

Why could I, how could, I don't want to be here.

That's what runs through my head every time I walk through the doors so green. The rooms here are ones, which lead to a bright future, but how could it be bright when all I heard was words of pain. Everyday I go deeper into myself hoping that I will not have to share the pain the outside is feeling. When the halls are full of life, all I see is tools, lifeless bodies marching to the endless days of conformity. Well most of them anyways. One more year, that's all that goes through me head as I walk through the halls of shame. ONE more only one, then gone forever, out of sight out of mind. I don't see a place of learning anymore; all I see is hate, pain and arrogance. It surrounds me all daylong, why? I came here to gain knowledge not feel pain. Not to walk with my head down hoping someone wont pick on me, I want to hold it high, so it touches the ceiling. So people know me for who I am, not the quiet one who is smart. I am more then smart, more then quiet. I am Joe, know one else is I, and no one else can be. I have felt more pain from school then I could ever wish upon anyone, but that is life I guess we get some and give some. We share it, take it and pass it. Longing for the day when it will stop is only like wishing for peace on earth, we all know it wont happen. So I put my head down and march onwards into the crowd of conformity, hoping for the day it will all end, Graduation.