Jeff Diamond

Essay by EssaySwap ContributorHigh School, 12th grade February 2008

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rivulator (2:25:48 AM): hey Svenghali12 (2:26:00 AM): yo frivulator (2:26:05 AM): Honestly, I just can't understand it. You cannot root for two teams at the same time. You cannot hedge your bets. You cannot unconditionally love two teams at the same time, when there's a remote chance that they might go head-to-head some day.

Svenghali12 (2:26:29 AM): but there are no 2 teams that i love the same Svenghali12 (2:26:47 AM): giants over jets, lakers over nets (except this year cause the nets are good) frivulator (2:26:54 AM): If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them."

frivulator (2:27:26 AM): If you hail from New York, you can't root for the Yankees and the Mets. You have to choose between them. Repeat: You have to choose between them. Don't give me this "As long as one of them is doing well, at least New York is winning" spiels. What is this, the sports fan's version of bisexuality? How about making a choice? Any New Yorker who said the words "It's the Yankees versus the Mets ... I can't lose!" during the 2000 World Series deserves to be tortured with a cattle prod.

Besides, as we mentioned in the beginning of this column, you shouldn't practice "Sports Bigamy" in general. Sports teams are just like wives ... you can only have one wife, you can only have one sports team, and for the love of God, I will not argue about this.

Svenghali12 (2:27:58 AM): my first ever basketball game was nets vs. lakers, i was a very big childhood fan and magic was my idol frivulator (2:28:21 AM): youy should read this article frivulator (2:28:25 AM): you break all the rules frivulator (2:28:33 AM): Svenghali12 (2:28:45 AM): i've explained how i break none of the rules Svenghali12 (2:29:13 AM): i don't root for the yankees, they're not the no. 1 enemy, but i hate them nonetheless Svenghali12 (2:29:44 AM): that doesn't apply to jets giants, they've never played 1 important game against each other in their entire franchise history frivulator (2:30:26 AM): but they could Svenghali12 (2:30:44 AM): they play in the same damn stadium frivulator (2:31:07 AM): you still break the rule man frivulator (2:31:20 AM): and the lakers rule frivulator (2:31:31 AM): and the rule about rooting for hometown team frivulator (2:31:42 AM): and the rule about not jumping on the bandwagon if theyre good Svenghali12 (2:31:46 AM): first game i ever saw, lakers vs. nets, they were not the best team that year, nor in years after Svenghali12 (2:32:07 AM): they were amazing, but they were not the best, the pistons were, then the bulls frivulator (2:32:13 AM): i mean frivulator (2:32:16 AM): your from jersey frivulator (2:32:21 AM): and your favortie team is from LA Svenghali12 (2:32:25 AM): magic johnson was my idol frivulator (2:32:41 AM): Also, you can't start rooting for a team, back off when they're in a down cycle, then renew the relationship once the team starts winning again. All those Cowboys fans who jumped off the bandwagon in the late-'80s, jumped back on during the Emmitt/Aikman Era, then jumped back off in the late-'90s ... you know who you are.

You shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

Svenghali12 (2:32:45 AM): first game i ever saw, he had like 15 assists, he was ridiculous Svenghali12 (2:33:03 AM): i never backed down from the lakers Svenghali12 (2:33:04 AM): ever frivulator (2:33:11 AM): You can follow specific players from other teams, but only as long as they aren't facing your team. For instance, it's fine to enjoy the Brett Favre Experience if you're a Jaguars fan ... just don't get carried away and start making a scrapbook, collecting all his football cards and so on. That's a little sketchy. And you can't purchase his jersey under any circumstances.

Svenghali12 (2:33:36 AM): my teams are my teams, and the orders are permanent, i've never pulled any kind of bandwagon move frivulator (2:33:46 AM): Unfortunately for the Lakers, their fans aren't paying attention that closely because they're busy either trying to get on the Jumbotron, averting their eyes from Dyan Cannon, or trying to figure out things like "How many points do you get if you shoot one from half court?" or "How come that clock on the backboard keeps counting down backward from 24? Svenghali12 (2:34:17 AM): i agree that lakers fans suck, no arguement there, but what can i do about that Svenghali12 (2:34:21 AM): i've seen many lakers games in my life Svenghali12 (2:34:54 AM): lakers nets several times, lakers hawks in atlanta Svenghali12 (2:35:06 AM): lakers knicks at the garden once frivulator (2:35:38 AM): yes yes frivulator (2:35:58 AM): i dunno diamond Svenghali12 (2:36:21 AM): you see i understand your points, but it's just cause you're from boston, where everyone is a diehard boston fan of everything, you don't know what new jersey is like, there are no nets fans and no devils fans, i am both Svenghali12 (2:36:47 AM): nobody in my state likes the teams from our state, there's no loyalty whatsoever, i'm outnumbered by rangers fans at least 5 to 1 frivulator (2:36:52 AM): no devils fans? frivulator (2:36:57 AM): are you shitting me Svenghali12 (2:36:59 AM): more now, younger kids Svenghali12 (2:37:06 AM): but certainly not my age frivulator (2:37:17 AM): thats ridiculous i even like the devils theyre solid Svenghali12 (2:37:40 AM): it has a lot to do with sportschannel Svenghali12 (2:38:03 AM): all the new jersey sports games were on sportschannel, which was a pay channel that no one had, you couldn't even watch the games Svenghali12 (2:38:19 AM): or mets games, which is why everyone in jersey is a yankees fan (one of many reasons why) frivulator (2:38:55 AM): 4:20 Svenghali12 (2:39:02 AM): sure is Svenghali12 (2:39:27 AM): dude, i have to go to all my classes and ask my teachers if they've found a mandy moore folder of mine frivulator (2:39:48 AM): lol frivulator (2:39:50 AM): thats awesome