Lifes Little Step

Essay by jtallen7High School, 12th gradeA, May 2004

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I was brought to the hospital by the ambulance. I was very hyper and exhausted on all levels. I looked like if someone had sucked out all the life out of me. My cheeks were sunk in, my skin was very pail and I had the look of death on my face. I must have been relieved to be where I was. This last six months were about to shape my next 10 years. It was very much the turning point of my life. All I owned was the clothes I was in, which was a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. To be fair on myself I wasn't aware of a lot that was happening. Hallucinations were happening a lot. There was no regular sleep, a lot of vomiting and starvation diets, everything was random with the occasional moments of precision. Knowing something was terribly wrong.

I remember late one night thinking to myself that I had to do something about my problem which became an obsession. I was always tired, tiredness no sleep could fix. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and it wasn't going to go away. The moments of precision were more frightening than any hallucinations.

My parents came to visit which helped me be strong. What a quick turn around. Six months earlier I had told them about the new job offering I received and sent those copies of my housing contract. I felt very grown up and successful. Now I was on a death bed, drugged, weak and depressed. I was admitted a few days before they arrived. They went into "what can we do mode". They brought me some shirts, an extra pair of pants, socks and boxers. Much later Dad told me how I...