Lost Darkness

Essay by EssaySwap ContributorHigh School, 11th grade February 2008

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Many days lost while I wandered these roads. I have been walking for so long, I believe I have lost something along the way other than time, possibly my mind. I walk now hand in hand, wondering where I am going. Things I see remind me of whom I was before this time. They remind me of family and love and hope, and a future. I don't remember if I had all these things before or if this is all a dream. I have memories of a disease, an eating disease, maybe cancer, and maybe a tumor. I just can't remember now. There is just this everlasting light always shining in the corner of my eyes, guiding me, and making me keep walking. Maybe this is heaven? Sometimes I dream within this dream, quick flashes of a burning in my head, in my mind, like something is trying to escape.

What is this animal inside me and what does it want? My name is Eric, or was before all of this, now I don't know what I am supposed to be. I haven't seen another human in weeks. I found that I have this mysterious bump on the back of my head, and I don't remember anything except waking up. Every day, there is no night where I am, seems longer and longer. I try to sleep but I always have nightmares, haunting thoughts, and visions of an end. But an end to what? Just an end. I sit and have conversations with myself, blabbering on and on about nothing at all. I am just lost, in time, in space, in wherever this place is. Sometimes I can hear voices, calling my name in this light. Eric? Eric? Can you hear me? Yet I see no one I can respond to. I feel silly talking to myself, but I always reply. Yes? I am Eric. Who are you? Then I Gervais 2 hear silence followed by dampened sobbing. Where is this coming from? I think it's my imagination keeping me occupied. I cannot walk forever… I open my eyes, still the light in my eyes. Still the same silence around me. Yet something feels different. Like I am being watched. I had a dream last night. I had a dream of me riding a bicycle, pedaling with a backpack on. A door opening in front, then sudden blackness. I liked this blackness; it was the first I had seen in a long time. However it was a short flash of blackness, and then I woke up. I don't know what this dream means. My life feels as though it is run in short chapters, like a book, or a computer program. Sometimes I have battles within my mind…am I real…or am I just a figment of some other person's imagination? I thought of killing myself, but I looked and looked, but could not seem to find an object to cease my existence. I am forever, trapped in this plain of light, with no means of escape. The ground here is white like the sky, and it goes on and on, not giving me a speckle of color anywhere. The clothes I wear are white, and they seem to be bound to my skin. I cannot slide my sleeve up, or pull up my pant leg. These clothes are attached…each day this white world mocks me and the whispers around me continue. Each day they are the same whispers…Eric? When are you going to wake up Eric? And every day, I reply to these voices with the same answer. I am awake…who are you?