A Play I Wrote for my "Modern Femininity" Class. Some people might find it offensive. It was in response to the assignment "Write a Creative Response to Changing Role of Males in Modern Parenting"

Essay by superclownUniversity, Bachelor'sA, October 2004

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By Daniel Noble

An elderly man, wearing a jacket with only one button attached sits at a dinner table with his equally elderly wife, who is wearing tattered evening gown. Before them is a dinner of steak and peas. In the other seats of the table sit two stuffed animals that the couple believe are their children.

Ronald: Margaret, I must say, tonight the peas have quite a bit of spunk. What prey tell is your secret, to such delightful green morsels of green peas?.

Margaret: (Sips from her cocktail) Pepper, I love pepper, it turns an everyday meal, into culinary delightment. I used to use Mrs. Dash, but then she started giving me dirty looks.

Ronald: Pepper! I should have guessed, it was like the peas were dancing on my tongue. But then I thought to myself, peas don't have legs, how can they possibly dance on my tongue.

Margaret: Maybe they had prosthetic pea legs.

Ronald: That would be quite a sight, wouldn't it? Remember when your brother had to get a prosthetic leg, after the incident. What was it we used to call him?

Margaret: Herbert.

Ronald: No, his nickname.

Margaret: My, my, I seem to have forgotten. Oh wait, I remember now, Herbert No Legs.

Ronald: Oh yes, of course, remember we would throw things at him, and then we'd say "Run no legs, Run," but he wouldn't run, because he had no legs.

Margaret: Yes, I'm so glad we inherited his prosthetic; it makes the perfect vase for our lilies.

Ronald: We should have filled it with pansies, it would have been more appropriate.

Margaret: My mother used to grow the most beautiful pansies, right next to where we buried papa. She used to love to tell the story about how...