Do Athletics belong in the American high school?
When the hockey season ended, I began to find myself with countless hours of free time. With all of this free time I was so exciting to be able to have time to spend with my family and friends. My excitement wore off soon because I realized all of my friends and family were committed to something else, like athletics. The American high school without athletics is like to having a computer without a video card. Everything can be working properly but you will see a blank screen. Such that athletics in high school is your visual aid to a bright and successful future.
If one is enrolled in athletics in high school usually they are more organized. One knows that they have a tight schedule. By having a schedule one is better student because they know what comes first between friends and school.
For having a schedule one is most likely to have better grades. It is proven that a well-organized student has the potential and capabilities to achieve good grades.
It is also proven that high school students who are enrolled in a sport are able to keep themselves out of trouble. Well not all kids who don't participate in a high school sport or activity get into trouble, but it is proven that high school students who don't join a sport are more likely to get into trouble. Students who are in sports usually don't get themselves into drugs or walking the neighborhood looking for trouble. If one is in a sport, then one attends it after school, which prevents one to get into drugs or trouble in their spare time.
If one is focused and organized then one has a better chance of having good grades.
Some good points
there are some good points in your essay. however, i think that the style could difnatly be improved, e.g. avoid repeating the same phrase again and again. and then, you probaly used "one" in order to avoid using "you". i just found that in this case, you did use too much of "one". just try to rephrase your sentences in a way that doesnt sound as if you were talking to someone.
overall, considering that you wrote this paper in grade 10, it is actually pretty good
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