"Hi!" said 21-year-old Sylvia as she walked over to where Simon, Paula and Randy were sitting. "So it says here you're a supermodel!" said Randy. "Your really pretty" said Paula. "But can you sing?" asked Simon. "Yes, I can" Sylvia answered proudly. "Then sing, blow us away" replies Simon. "SHE BANGS, SHE BANGS WHEN SHE MOVES..." Sylvia was interrupted by Simon's sudden outburst of laughter. "Simon! Shhh!" Paula quickly whispered a little too loud. "Sweetie, I think you should stick to modeling, singing just isn't you, so I say no" Paula told Sylvia politely, "Randy?" "Dog, stick to modeling," Randy told Sylvia laughing. "So it's a no?" Paula asked Randy. "It's a no, Simon?" Randy answered. At this point Simon was bright red from trying not to laugh, "You sound like a sick cow giving birth..." "SIMON," interrupted Paula. "What she's probably the worse singer in the universe." Simon turned to face Sylvia saying, "You stunk!" Sylvia at this point was furious, "I don't sound that bad, YOU KNOW IT! AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME YOU PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN HOLD A NOTE!!" "It doesn't matter if I can sing, I'm not the one trying out for American Idol," Simon replied " so come back when you can sing, bye" "I CAN SING, I'll sing you another song" " MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" she began, sounding worse then before.
"BYE," said Simon. "JUST WAIT!" Sylvia began singing again, "Like a virgin..." "SECURITY" yelled Randy. As the security guards took Sylvia out she yelled "I'll get you for this, I AM THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL" "AFTER YEARS OF PRACTICE, IF THAT WILL EVEN WORK," Simon yelled back to her. Sylvia was then escorted outside the stadium. She slowly walked down the street to her best friend's apartment thinking of...
Ok
Your grammer and punctuation are ok but I think you need to work on the parts where people are speaking.
The nailfile falling into Simon's head was not very plausible and I feel it could've been explained better.
You explained everything good in the start but towards the end it sort of felt like you were trying to hurry up and finish.
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