Story of an underachieving, lost youth.

Essay by coreyjacinto8College, UndergraduateA+, November 2008

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The glistening balloons wavered in the summer breeze. The sounds of playful screams and splashing water filled the air. I was completely happy. My mother had made sure of it. This birthday would go down as the best ever. I was at the water park surrounded by my closest friends. I was at the water park with the person that was closest to me, my mother.

When I was five years of age, my life changed forever. My mother died of a heart attack Being as young as I was, I did not really understand the significance of her death. The only thing that I understood was the fact that I would never see her again. I would never hear her voice, or feel the warmth radiating from her body as she held me close. I was unable to comprehend the magnitude and consequences of my mother's death.

Little did I know that I would struggle tremendously without her presence in my life.

Growing up without my mother was extremely difficult for me. As I grew older, I became jealous of my friends. Witnessing the relationships that my friends had with their mothers filled me with envious curiosity. I often wondered what my life would be like if she were alive. Would I be happier? Would I have everything I ever wanted? Along with feelings of jealousy, I felt robbed. I blamed everyone from my family to God for the loss of my mother. I constantly sought some sort of reparation.

My feelings concerning the loss of my mother caused me to reach rock bottom during my freshman year of high school. I no longer cared about school. I no longer cared for anything. The fact that I had been without my mother for ten years obscured my mind, my sense of rationality and my motivation to succeed. I was vastly underachieving. I sought any means to escape my everyday problems and to escape the omnipresent discontent about the loss of my mother. I was not attending school. I found myself associating with a troublesome crowd. I was a lost teenage soul looking for a purpose.

At the end of my freshman year I had an epiphany. Some of my friends received excellent academic marks. I asked myself what my mother would want for me if she were living. She would want me to succeed. She would want me to excel in school. I gathered myself and became dedicated to my education in honor of my mother.

Nevertheless, without the presence of my mother, my grandmother has been a source of constant support. I have lived with my grandmother for the better part of twelve years. She stepped in to raise me and my younger brother in the aftermath of my mother's death. She truly inspires me because she is an eighty-two year old woman raising two teenage boys, and is doing an incredible job. The huge age difference between us combined with her high expectations of moral uprightness have influenced my growth of becoming a well rounded and unprejudiced individual.

In time I was not only excelling in school for my mother, but for myself as well. I rose from 102nd to 20th in my class ranks in a matter of two years. I now believe that she is watching over me and I strive to make her proud. I have blossomed into an aspiring leader. I have come to realize that I have the power and potential to make a significant difference in the world. I believe that my mother is watching over me, making sure I never waver too far in summer's breeze.