Tainted Studs: A Comediac Cautionary Tale of Teen Sexuality.

Essay by superclownCollege, UndergraduateA, October 2004

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Long Dark Road: The Story of the Tainted Studs

(Merlin Ashley walks down the hallway thrusting his loins and shouting obscenities at all females passing by, he eventually stops to talk to one particularly fetching chickadee)

Merlin: How you doing, Baby?

Martika: I'm fine thanks (Swooning)

Merlin: My name is Merlin, what's yours?

Martika: I'm Martika.

Merlin: Well Martika, how would you like to come back to my place for a bite to eat, I'll provide the dessert, "Merlin ala mode".

Martika: I'd like that.

Merlin: You're not the first woman to say that. (He licks his lipes), You know, they call me Merlin for a reason?

Martika: Why's that?

Merlin: Because my wand's so amazing, it must be magic.

Martika: Lets go cast a spell.

(Merlin giggles, and they walk off together)

Scene two

(Merlin is sitting by a locker with yearbook in hand, marking the pages with a pencil)

Merlin: Done her, done her, done her.

Sixty three down, and four to go. Ohhhh, fresh meat, time to go in for the kill. (He begins to approach the "fresh meat" when Ms. Stang, the geography teacher pops out the door and stops him in his tracks)

Ms. Stang: Merlin, Can I talk to you for a moment?

Merlin: Sure, anything for you, chickeepoo. (He points to the fresh meat) Stay Put, I'm saving you for later.

(Inside the classroom)

Ms. Stang: Well Merlin, I called you in here because I'm concerned about your geography mark; A D just doesn't cut it in my class.

Merlin: Does that D stand for "Damn Fine" or "Dynamite".

Ms. Stang: It stands for failure, that's what it stands for. When I asked you to write a report on Europe, I didn't want you to rank...