The Wreck With no Effect

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Driving down that gravel road, slowing down because I couldn't see, I hit a hole in the road, and spun out of control. I was thrown back and forth across the road until it threw me off into a ditch. My car flipped in the air end over end then hit the ground, having the roof of my car being smashed in on my head. My passenger side window shattered and glass flew at me and stuck in me. My car skidded for what seemed like eternity on the ground, upside down. Huge rocks flew at my face through the windshield. Weeds and dirt flying all around -- suddenly the ride was over. Everything came to a stop with only dust settling in the air. The fear ran through my veins and the adrenaline rushed through my blood. Reacting by natural instinct, unbuckling my seat belt, grabbing my phone, rolling down my window, and crawling out to the road and sitting there on the gravel in pure shock and disbelief.

To end up laying in a hospital bed with a neck brace on, cuts and scrapes all over, and not even wanting to open my eyes because of the tremendous pounding in my head and the pain on my eye swollen shut was too unbearable.

Now if what you're thinking right now is, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe that," or "Oh I feel so sorry for you," stop! That's exactly the opposite of what I want. I didn't want or need sympathy from anyone. I already had my dad yelling at me because that's the only way he knew how to react at the time, and my mom, who was trying so hard to be so strong and hold back the tears that she badly wanted to let stream down her face. My sister, my best friend, was sitting in the corner hyperventilating, not knowing what to say, do, or how to respond and my boyfriend sitting next to me crying because he had blamed himself for what had happened to me and he didn't know how to deal with that feeling any other way. There were so many different emotions going on it was overwhelming.

I felt horrible, not because of the condition I was in, but because of the feeling of terror I had put upon my family. I didn't know how to deal with it all. I wanted to just tell them that everything is fine, I'm okay, lets just forget about it! I didn't want people to sit around and sulk and be sad or mad at what had happened. This was a feeling that I instantly wanted to forget and quickly get over. As easy as that sounds, it is easier said than done. I mean of course I had the feelings of being scared just like anyone else would, but unlike everyone else, this wasn't the way I wanted to feel. This wasn't the way I wanted to deal with everything. All I wanted to do was just forget about it all and move on with life. I absolutely hated the feeling of having people feel sorry for me; that's not who I am, that's not what I want.

To me, this wasn't the ideal way of feeling after this kind of situation. But then again I thought to myself, I like who I am and I don't want to feel like everyone else would because that's just not who I am. I'm a confident individual and I have my own thoughts a feelings that make me who I am today. I'm not fake and I don't pretend to please other people because if you cant be confident with who you are then who are you really? I know that I'm not like everyone else and that's okay. I'm my own person and I don't want to feel or react like they did its just not what I wanted. For example, my friend named Leah had been in a pretty severe car wreck as well. She had hit a telephone pole straight on going 70 mph. Her car was totaled and she was taken to the hospital. She, on the other hand, was released later that night and sent home to take it easy. They gave her a neck brace to wear home. She wore the neck brace for 3 weeks. She wrote blog after blog about it and I kept thinking to myself, "Yeah, that's sad that that had happened, but why do you want all of this attention?" I believe that everyone was raised differently and I understand that; but there becomes a certain point in your life where you have to start deciding for yourself who you are and what you want in life, and that's who you really become.

Maybe the way I was raised, and the way that I have taught myself to deal with things, is part of the way I did and wanted to deal with the situation. The way that I carry my self and the way I react to certain situations in my opinion says a lot about me. I can't recall one time in my life where I wanted sympathy from anyone. I learned growing up that I need to be able to handle my situations and the problems that were thrown at me because there wasn't going to be anyone else there to fix them for me. I knew that there would be people there to comfort me or help analyze the problem but I was truly the only person who could make my situations better.

My parents always told me to be strong and let your true feelings out. Don't hold anything back, live with no regret. I didn't really see this car wreck as a regret, but more of an accident that had happened to make me realize that this is real, everything is real. So after realizing it was real I wanted to forget about it, move on, deal with it and get back to my every day schedule. I'm not the type of person who reaches out for attention. I like to keep my business to myself. If I have a problem or something I need help with I always know I have someone close to me I can go to but other then that I just want to be like everyone else and fit in. The dramatic situations and drama just isn't for me.

I guess everyone deals with everything in a different way. But here is where you have to decide. Do you want people to respond to you with sympathy and be concerned if your going to be okay and be back to "normal" or would you rather have someone have trust and confidence in you knowing that your going to be fine because they know that you are a strong person. Personally moving on with life is important to me, and to be living in the past is almost pointless to me because you only live once and if your going to sulk about one incident your whole life what do you have to look forward to in the future? So here is where you decide do you want to look at a situation and think that this is an opportunity for attention or look at it as something that makes you rethink a few things yet you want to forget all about it and move on with life.