You are useless, you are nothing

Essay by marvouta_1High School, 12th gradeA, May 2007

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"You are useless, you are nothing!" I was use to dad's drunken rages now. He never hit me… but his words did.

Dad had changed. He wasn't the loving father that he once was. He was disguised in a blanket of hate, anger and resentment.

I was the only child and it never used to worry me. Most children dislike the fact that they are the only child due to the threat of boredom and loneliness. But that never came across me. I had two wonderful parents that were always there. To make me laugh, make me happy, pick me up when I'd fall over and give me love and support if I'd cry.

I remember when I would play football with dad. He would always let me win and call me his little champ. I wasn't his little champ anymore. I was useless, I was nothing. I was a nobody to him and it tore my heart apart.

I was some kind of vexation to dad, a pest that he would shoe away. Why, Why? Why had it happened to me? Things just seemed so perfect and then everything came crashing down. I wanted dad to love me like he used to. I wanted to fix things, fix myself and fix dad.

I would sit in front of the television with dad and barrack for the tiny speckled spots running over the screen, but he didn't take any notice. He would just ignore my presence, slugged in his favourite green old chair, a bottle of spirits perched on his lap, dozing on and off. I wanted to succeed. For dad to see I was worth something. I clamoured for attention and for his acceptance. Was I asking too much for a twelve year old boy?I even asked dad why...