seems like it would make a better poemi like the ideas... but seems to lack insight on some problems
- 10/11/2003
- 20:13:49
- Score: 14 out of 14 people found this comment useful.
is this a composition, an essay, or simply a history lecture?no introall in chronological order (good? bad?)no organization (if its an essay)no conclusion (or a really bad one)
- 10/11/2003
- 20:11:41
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
seems to give a bio of each character instead of their contributions to the new constitution.title and thesis aren't relevant in this essay.intro needs to talk about the cons of the articles of confederation and how they were fixed in the new constitution.no conclusiongood background of these four people. it should rather be titled "the men who wrote the US constitution" or something like that.
- 10/11/2003
- 20:05:51
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
lacks organization--needs more explicit introduction, fully developed strong body paragraphs proving their thesis, and a deeper conclusion linking it to other things.
- 10/11/2003
- 19:57:28
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
very nicethis composition is impressive, you introduce the subject at hand very well, though the first sentence could be broken down some (run-on sentence).the body paragraphs however could be organized more proficiently. the topic sentences refer to the above paragraph, which is a horrible way to transition. The main ideas in each paragraph are interconnected, but not grouped in an organized manner.because yours is probably the best intro and conclusion on this whole site, ill give you a green smily thingy.
- 10/11/2003
- 19:53:19
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
the introduction needs an explanation of what racism is.the body paragraphs lack quotes to support his/her thesis.there is no thesis.conclusion fails to relate story to contemporary life.
- 10/11/2003
- 19:07:27
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
very niceyour introduction lacks adjectives, and a preparation for the reader (define "scarlet letter" before you start quoting it... and dont quote it so much)in the conclusion find a deeper meaning to relate to the book.everything else was pretty good actually... the intro and conclusion are my only complaints.
- 10/11/2003
- 18:47:38
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
im gonna talk about the intro:is this your thesis?: The middle of the novel is a transition period, where the scarlet letter 'A' is viewed differently.because it is the last sentence. if it is, then its horrible. unless you decide to talk about the middle of the book the whole time.if its not your thesis, it should be.the entire introduction before your thesis should not talk about the symbolism of the letter 'A', but rather symbolism in general. whats their purpose, how it makes the novel better, a definition of the word etc.k next...your topic sentences should not refer to the above paragraph, but rather the following one. they should not use the words "also, too, nevertheless..." in reference to anything other than that paragraph. if your teacher told you otherwise, she is wrong.your body paragraphs are actually pretty good, but the quotes need to be more concise.the conclusion paragraph needs more... of everything. instead of wrapping up the essay you told the reader the story. i dont know what the prompt was, but im pretty sure they didnt want a summary. relate the story to your personal life, but dont use personal pronouns.your ideas were good, but i think it needs more spiffing up. i would probably give this essay a 70, not that it means much ;)
- 10/11/2003
- 18:38:53
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
for starters, the introduction needs more fluff. "people" is so general. maybe "21st century society in the United States" would be more appropriate. or make your own...if this is an essay, no personal pronouns are supposed to be in it. you used our a few times. just substitute *our* with *the* (in most cases) and there ya have it.the topic sentence of each paragraph also needs to be fixed. They dont describe the paragraph as their supposed to. you need a more general statement heading each body.im suprised that this essay got an 80. i wouldnt have given it more than a 40. oh well
- 10/11/2003
- 18:29:49
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.