Your essay lacks focus, flow and has holes.Look at the word exemplary! Is it used correctly? Did you proof read? "someway" Lacks a space. Look at the last sentence of the first paragraph!Semi-colon please!Run on,maybe? Several places with commas should have started new sentences. There is very rough transition from the second to the third paragraph.
- 31/12/2003
- 19:21:51
- Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
You have good grammar and mechanichs of grammar. Your essay has focus and facts.You were not sensitive to the importance of the wailing wall and a passing comment about "understanding importance" does not sincerity make. Why was the wall cherished by the Jews?It was not a pile of bricks. I realize it is a small point, but it is the only chink I find.
- 31/12/2003
- 19:09:41
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
... but the essay was well written, organized, and very persuasive. It has focus, format, and plenty of supporting data. Your use of imagery is very good as well. It is also thought provoking, probably the best quality an essay can posses.
- 31/12/2003
- 00:04:06
- Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
You really need to proof-read.Also try to keep in mind the noble coma.Your presentation of facts is awesome! The focus and organization of your essay is incredible. Just pay a bit more attention to the mechanics of grammar. Like\"bloodshed and\" should be \"bloodshed, and\"
- 30/12/2003
- 23:49:45
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.