It seems almost like you are writing the history of potatos in a narrative form rather than discussing the affects of potatoes. It is a better form to use facts and then discuss how those certain facts affected the potato growth in Ireland. I am getting the sense of a history timeline rather than a discussion. Also when using the word "I" in an essay you are stating the obvious. The audience knows that the author is writing the essay and you don't need to state I to show your opinion. It should be obvious from what you are saying.This was a very well written essay and with a little bit of work could become quite excellent
- 06/04/2002
- 18:28:31
- Score: 13 out of 13 people found this comment useful.