User Details For: Neltharius

Essay List
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  • Sweet.

    Too bad most people, especially feminists and manly men, think male depression is utter bullshit and the researchers studying it are pseudo-scientists (I stole your term Cruise. Sue me).
    • 09/10/2005
    • 15:11:12
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Typical mega-essay.

    Good facts, no analysis, and no conclusion.
    • 02/10/2005
    • 20:01:32
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Skeleton.

    I agree with you on the fact that gun control isn't a good option. However, that makes me even more critical of your paper. You have some good arguments, but other arguments are just are bones. I see this as a position paper or a persuasive essay. If that's the case, then you really need hard statistics, especially ones drawing the correlation between gun ownership and crime rate (which was your original point). Otherwise, all you present are anecdotes and hypothetical situations.
    • 02/10/2005
    • 20:00:04
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Read the comment.

    Terrible. This looks like an impromptu message board post. It lacks a thesis and a theme. If you want to communicate your suffering, make it a little more obvious. If you want to communicate the Filipino suffering, make that more obvious too. If this is a political column, you need to do a lot more research into the issue before ranting about it. While this would be an above-average post on a general forum, any active political forum would immediately label this post as trollish.
    • 30/09/2005
    • 00:01:11
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Go deeper.

    You pretty much scratched the surface of your thesis. The Monroe Doctrine was only the beginning of everything. You might want to expand into more recent events, and you should DEFINITELY provide backup for your assertion in the final paragragh, because as it stands now, all I need to do is quote various political figures from U.N., and even within the U.S., to prove you wrong.
    • 28/09/2005
    • 23:30:47
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Meh

    You answer the question well, but your paper as a whole lacks a thesis. You have Fact fact fact and then an abrupt conclusion. It needs to be more fluid.
    • 28/02/2005
    • 22:08:10
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Very good

    You definitely did your homework on this one. Some sections could use a more in depth analysis, and actual quotes from the laws passed would greatly assist your thesis.
    • 27/02/2005
    • 17:49:16
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Umm what?

    Unless there was special text/formatting that I missed/you could not paste, I think I just read a huge contradiction. Half your paper is staunchly pro-life and the bottom half is advently pro-choice. pick an opinion and focus on it.
    • 05/01/2005
    • 18:58:04
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • :)

    Very descriptive. It pulled me in from the first sentence to the last.
    • 04/10/2004
    • 22:59:32
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Support?

    I second that. You need some bibliography and more than just empirical facts to back youself up. You essay is an opinion essay, so it should have some more aspects of a dialectic in there.
    • 04/10/2004
    • 22:56:01
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice poem, though this site's for essays.

    I relate every step from being belittled being called "not my son" and "unappreciative retard" every time I point out that he wasn't there for me.
    • 04/10/2004
    • 22:53:28
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Confront your sources more

    Your essay needs more substance. You pretty much summed up the most basic of theological arguments, though your sources are broad. try deeper investigations into the theologies and histories of atheism and chrisitanity (i can think of at least 1 major source you're almost guaranteed to have).
    • 04/10/2004
    • 22:48:55
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • ?

    This is a decent essay, despite its grammitical mishaps. However, I could write something more descriptive. The essay is too broad and general. My suggestion is to specify on some of the points and delve deeper.
    • 04/10/2004
    • 22:44:58
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Too forum-like

    Good counterpoints, but your essay needs more structure. It looks too much like a message board post.
    • 09/09/2004
    • 17:45:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    Your vocabulary is a little limited and you bibliography should be more plentiful for a 2000+ words paper.
    • 09/09/2004
    • 17:43:44
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good stuff

    However, in an age like today, many who like the computer are addicted to it. You mentioned nothing about how you're addicted/not addicted to the computer.
    • 09/09/2004
    • 13:55:37
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Foundation

    You've laid a foundation for your topic. Otherwise, the data you present is generic and you offer barely any analysis. The viewpoint you took on needs to be broadened a little more. I didn't see an article about the socially and mentally normal homosexuals.
    • 09/09/2004
    • 13:52:17
    • Score: 7 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • NIce

    There are a few grammar errors here and there. Your language is kind of colloquial, but otherwise, this essay has a lot of insight and I can tell you wrote it from personal experience.
    • 05/05/2004
    • 23:00:20
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Although I disagree with some of your points, you offer a solid point of view in your propaganda.
    • 06/04/2004
    • 21:53:50
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Decent

    You compared the basic facts of both. I think this is a decent guide for the non Tech-savvy user.
    • 06/04/2004
    • 21:24:36
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    Your grammar needs a lot of refining
    • 03/04/2004
    • 14:58:45
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    You present some good points in this essay and support them pretty well. However, there is slight redundancy in one of your paragraphs. not a big problem. good job.
    • 27/03/2004
    • 20:44:22
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    Seems like a decent essay, but the way I read it, you listed facts and brief explanations. try to get an ebb going and elaborate on your facts.
    • 28/02/2004
    • 16:22:51
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Insufficient detail

    Based on what you said here, I've been victimized by everything except sexual abuse. Apparently, when my parents shake me awake, that counts as physical abuse. When my parents say "do this or I will..." is emotional abuse. You need to elaborate more on the abuse types and give specific examples of them.
    • 18/02/2004
    • 22:37:44
    • Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    All you do is list a site you've visited and present a very basic precis of what they actually say. Research deeper into the facts and analyze instead of just presenting. The point of a research paper is to get YOUR point across, not list what other people think.
    • 17/02/2004
    • 10:48:57
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    Though I don't agree with some of your points, you argue your thesis quite well. You forgot to mention all the mediation programs in the school. Though some of them are pretty shitty and may promote what they condemn (like DARE), they usually help. I know ever since the sex-ed program came out, stats showed a decrease in teen pregnancy rates.
    • 17/02/2004
    • 10:44:10
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    Most parents are quick to point the finger at video games and TV for the cause of adolescent violence. In reality, it's their fault. I think a major factor in raising a Child is Psychology, and in this world, psycholgists are the least listned to people. If parents would only study our minds, they can regulate what we consider fantasy and what we consider reality and our morals. Plus There is almost no empirical evidence that video games have raised the crime rate and/or increased violence.Your point about video games developing physical and mental abilities is well-presented. Plus, playing video games is counted as light exercise by Oxford University. However, the only problem is the fact that most people play video games to excess. You've obviously heard some horror stories (like the guy who killed his infant because his infant was bothering his FFX playing).
    • 17/02/2004
    • 10:40:06
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    You forgot to mention Trotski (aka Snowball) in your paper. He played a huge part in Orwell's Sattire. Trotski said that Stalin had reversed the revolution, and this was obviously demonstrated by the acts of Napolean. Just a suggestion.
    • 17/02/2004
    • 10:31:43
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    I can relate to the stereotypes being of Asian descent. I obviously claim exception to most of them.Your essay seems pretty dull, mainly because it's choppy and just lists out facts and analyses. Otherwise, it's a start.
    • 14/02/2004
    • 14:43:44
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    You paper presents petty generalizations. It's a pretty good comparison, but too many stereotypes were used. Just realize that stereotypes do not = fact. Besides that, it's a very good essay on adolescent life.
    • 14/02/2004
    • 14:35:16
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    Seems full of facts. What I like about this paper is that it relates to our real life. Unlike other psychology and sociology papers I've read, you weren't afriad to mention the general aspects physical attraction. Most people would throw away the details near the bottom of the second paragraph away as a stereotype.
    • 14/02/2004
    • 14:21:08
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    I agree with jonjonas. you're subjectively presenting facts, which I applaud you on doing pretty well. however, unlike the other pending legalization essay, you did not answer the "so what?" question.it's only in the outline phase, and it's a pretty good out line, but as an essay it needs working on.
    • 11/02/2004
    • 22:11:42
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    This essay is concise and well-argued. However, you offered no segments from Glassner's article, which confused me a little.Videogames and TV have almost no effect on how we approach life, unless you're an addict who decides to roleplay characters in the game (like those 2 dumbass teenagers who thought they were GTA 3 characters).Stone, I agre 100% with you. I know that part of my morbid and violent attitude towards certain things in life is caused by the abuse I went through during what people call the "critical period" of life (age c5-c12). Nowadays my parents wonder why I'm constantly irritated, depressed, and risk-taking, and why I hate them. Well, why do you think I hate you? I seriously have 1 word for them: Freud. He sums up well the psycological effects of physical, mental, and sexual abuse very well. Yes, hollering, yelling, and bitching counts as mental abuse. Thus, if the parents point the finger at anyone, it's themselves. I know parenting is hard, but most of them don't even know the psychology of adolenscents and don't even try to find the perfect balancy between strictness and leniency.
    • 11/02/2004
    • 21:56:54
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • General Commentary

    This is a good analysis of the movie. I was thinking the same things after I saw the movie... and I hardly have reactions to movies I see. The anti-semitism part never occurred to me. I guess that was because I didn't dig deep into the movie. However, you could have related our sex culture (e.g. the porn industry) and the generation gap into the movie, as those as well are also issues of acceptance during the 1920's.I especially liked the introduction of "What is America?" because that's a question many of us should be asking. We are definitely not the "land of opportunity" everyone thought us to be.
    • 11/02/2004
    • 21:45:47
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    This essay provides a detail-rich background on English and a plethora of information on modern English. At the same time it's also explaining why English is adopted as the global language. The only thing that bugged me is that this essay was long and there were a few historical inaccuracies. For example, the printing press was invented by Gutenberg c1450. Otherwise, you're a B+ by my standards.
    • 10/02/2004
    • 20:06:15
    • Score: 12 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
  • Great job

    This is a very informative and unbiased objective essay. Not only did you offer fact, but facy analysis as well. However, There are a few problems. For the ones who haven's studied psychology, what is "Nature Vs. Nurture"? I have a vague idea of what it is, but you should explain it with a few sentences. Another thing is you didn't mention intransitive sentences in paragraph 4.As for Snake, all of them are psycological terminologies. The author was referring to general language (like teaching a baby to talk), not learning a second language. And yes I agree with the bibliographies. Citations are CRUCIAL to a good essay. Otherwise, teachers can prosecute for plagiarism.
    • 10/02/2004
    • 16:30:03
    • Score: 3 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    For a lab report, this is very detail-rich and interesting.
    • 09/02/2004
    • 22:06:48
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    The essay is a bit redundant and dull, but otherwise it's pretty good.
    • 09/02/2004
    • 22:03:31
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    This is informative and still keeps my interest. Suggestions: have a conclusion paragraph. The ending of your essay seems abrupt and sudden.In the first few paragraphs, state a few more anti-hunting arguments and counterpoint them. unles your essay was intended to be a propaganda in support of hunting, a dialectic is the best idea when analyzing the pros and cons of things.
    • 08/02/2004
    • 11:54:04
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • I agree

    Yep. Bill Clinton was a very celebrated president. He certainly accomplished a lot. Personally, I think the handshake between Arafat and and israeli president was the greatest.A few problems:The conclusion (i.e last few sentenses) is abruptThe essay is hard to read. try seperating the last paragraph into multiple paragraphs based on category (like foreign affairs, domestic affairs, etc.)
    • 08/02/2004
    • 00:24:58
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • General Commentary

    Seems pretty good to me. I'm also a philosophy enthusiast (just not very good at it). I agree with pixee. Religion, although sensitive, is a GREAT topic to aruge on. Your essay's a bit choppy, but I can see your flow/chain of logic. Your points are very argued-- taken from the basics of atheist, heathen, and maybe even pagan iconoclasm: "if there is a god, why is the world the way it is?"
    • 08/02/2004
    • 00:13:30
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Learning

    Well, I know I learned a lot about relationships in general. It seems well thought out and has a very good flow.
    • 08/02/2004
    • 00:00:59
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • I can relate

    My parents barely pay attention to what I do (besides my academics).Every day I usually get home earlier than them. The first question they almost always ask is "did you do your homework?" or "did you practice your violin?" It's getting annoying that they have almost no understanding whatsoever of the teenage social life and that I have friends I want to spend some time with before the homework transition.This essay is nice and concise. The only flaw I can find is that it used some stereotypes, but then again, you implied earlier that you did a "demographic study."
    • 07/02/2004
    • 23:55:22
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Great job

    You really expressed the parent's point of view on this issue. Do you have any solutions to the problem though?
    • 07/02/2004
    • 23:46:27
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • I can relate

    I can relate to you, but this essay looks spontaneous... too much like a short then and now speech. It may be a traumatizing experience, but at least share a little more detail. for example, How was your father like before the divorce?
    • 07/02/2004
    • 21:49:16
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Insufficient detail

    You need to get more into what led up to the constitution and what the constitution changed. most of the things you wrote were taught to me in 8th grade history. there are a few usage errors, but those are easily fixed.
    • 07/02/2004
    • 21:40:01
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Great job

    This paper is very detailed and well-written. It offers good analyses of facts and reported what she changed. Only one problem I could find: Last sentence is a run-on. Just add a period.
    • 06/02/2004
    • 15:30:07
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • It's a start

    However, you need to give more specific examples and use less stereotypes.
    • 06/02/2004
    • 14:42:02
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    This essay is very informative, but could use a few more analyses of facts and figures. For example, I had no idea whether those percentiles were high or low compared to other time periods and areas.Another suggestion I have is, try to use numbers and symbols directing to your work cited instead of parentheses. It makes the essay more organized and might save you some time. I'm not sure if this site allows superscripts and such, so, just a suggestion. Otherwise, this is very well-written.
    • 05/02/2004
    • 22:43:43
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
  • Please don't take offense to this

    I don't blame you for your homophobia (since we're technically allowed to say anything we want), but you need to work on this debate/essay a little more.1. The first paragraph alone has around two comma splices.2. Your facts and figures are innaccurate. They don't protest for marriage; in no way does that mean that they don't want to get married.3. This essay seems more like a spontaneous message board tirade post.
    • 05/02/2004
    • 22:36:10
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.