The essay doesn't flow as well as one would expect since it's to be assumed we're following a school day. It feels a little bouncy with a sudden conclusion. There is also a lot of room for improvement in description and grammar, but it's a good start.
- 29/03/2008
- 19:06:04
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I thought so too :)
- 06/03/2005
- 20:40:09
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I was glad to put it. I've noticed a lack in biographies for a lot of papers that obviously used them. Only takes a second to type the name of the book.
- 06/03/2005
- 20:39:39
- Score: 0 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Thank you for your comment. I never really thoght of my essay as beneficial to english learners, but I'm sure it could. I was mostly targeting a market audience from an advertising perspective.
- 06/03/2005
- 20:38:26
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This really helped me organize my thoughts. I had to a similar essay and my mind died! Very well written and well thought out.
- 26/08/2004
- 19:18:13
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Very good. Looks confusing at first, the layout I mean, but it has the information. I think structural engineers could get more pay... after all, I don't think the designer will want his building falling apart the next day =P
- 28/05/2004
- 04:54:19
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I think the author was brilliant to point out both sides of the argument. By doing this he doesn't acquire comments by people pointing out arguments for the side he didn't take... But I guess you can't please everyone because now people are commenting that he didn't take sides!! lmao!
- 09/05/2004
- 18:12:54
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
I agree with diamondize1 with his 2 notes there. Also, I didn't realize old people had a high suicide rate. I thought it was teens from 13-18. I even recall reading it somewhere that teens who feel they are "outsiders" or undergo some type of truamatic ordeal, lose the will to go on and try to commit suicide.And as I look over your last two paragraphs again, they look extremely out of place.
- 09/05/2004
- 18:09:19
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I didn't have any vanilla laying around so I just made it without it...I also guessed that the marijuana butter was just marijuana mixed with butter. I wasn't sure how to prepare it so I just crushed the marijuana and mixed it with the butter. I didn't want to waste a single drop of either of my last 2 bottles of Jack Daniels, so I didn't include that. I did have a bottle of Crown Royal to put in, so I used that instead. It tasted terrible. You would be better off hollowing out the inside of a blueberry muffin and shoving the weed in it. This guy must have been high before he tasted it... I didn't try that...
- 09/05/2004
- 18:02:08
- Score: 7 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
I am just starting to drive (lol..) and so far I have driven both types, and I must say, I like the stick shift. ... I just do =)
- 09/05/2004
- 17:52:55
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
First off, diamondize1, your comment worries me about your level of intelligence...Next, "The downside is that you frequently need to return to the home page to get to other sections of the site."No, you don't. Right next to the logo at the very top of the page, the same options availiable on the homepage are availiable there. Besides, that one comment, you did a very good job explaining the design/layout/theme of google.
- 05/05/2004
- 17:25:14
- Score: 1 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I have never seen the tax system as fair. There are so many different laws, some that sadly exempt businesses and very wealthy people from certain taxes that could cost them a lot of money, some that have even been created in the past four years. I tried researching some of the laws... they are complicated with so many different ways you can lower your taxes or end up finding you have to pay more. And who said communisim wasn't any good?lol, good essay though. May try and find this book and read it for myself.
- 05/05/2004
- 14:47:49
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
A lot of suspense, right up to the end where it leaves you hanging. Thought it was very well written, except for some grammatical errors. As I see, that's the only I can guess you got less than an A for this paper.
- 15/04/2004
- 17:42:43
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Was looking for an essay on Tale of Two Cities... this sure as h311 isn't one I'll be using. The sentences, most at least, are fragments and are unorganized, your introduction could be a lot better, and you could have worked your quotes a lot better towards supporting your ideas.
- 12/04/2004
- 12:48:00
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Obviously bias. Based completely on faith in that if the events actually occured.(.:I believe they didn't:.)Otherwise, well written.
- 09/04/2004
- 15:18:56
- Score: 0 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I agree, I think gay/lesbian couples should be aloud to adopt as long as a social worker feels that they can provide a safe and nurturing environment, otherwise, I don't think there should be anything to prohibit them from this right. Essay was well written and am glad you included your bibliography.
- 16/03/2004
- 19:18:46
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I have no idea who would need this information, but if someone does, I guess they could get it here. I think you could have organized this information better anyway.
- 16/03/2004
- 19:09:57
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This essay is breathtaking. You have cast a differnt light on the most unusual topic and yet conveyed your response to this idea with the most culminating ability. I thought the way the you opened your essay was very good as well, using adjectives to describe how you felt. It really draws the reader in to listen to what you think.
- 16/03/2004
- 09:20:56
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I don't know what else to say besides it lacks a lot of details- very short. There isn't much in the way of punctuation, spelling, or grammer to fix, so as it is, it seems generally ok. It looks like you described the situation fairly well, but like I said, could use some more details.
- 16/03/2004
- 09:08:38
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You're paper was generaly alright, except you repeated some of your ideas rathere than combining them into one paragraph. At the beginning of your paper you describe the Hawks and Doves very briefly, but you then do the same thing later on nearer to the end of your essay. It would be much better to combine those ideas then to let them hang around in different paragraphs. You do the same thing with what the government should have done. You should have left your opinion in the introduction and in the closing paragraph. The middle body paragraphs are soley for providing reason for your opinion. Besides that, a pretty good overview of the events during the Vietnam War. Could include some more details, but as it was, not bad.
- 16/03/2004
- 09:01:20
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
AH! Grammer Errors! Sentence Fragments! FIX FIX FIX! Speaking of computers, why not try running your essays through a good ol grammer check.Now that I got that out of the way, I don't know where you are coming from with this. Computers could easily be used in every subject, but, like you said, there are exceptions and teachers should be involved in the lesson too. And though you may not think so, computers could be used in a subject such as singing. There are programs that measure sound levels and such that could help a person know how high he should sing, etc. Most are availiable for download, but the best are always up for purchase. Computers could also be used in a subject such as spanish. My teacher uses the schools laptops sometimes so we can learn to type in spanish. We also describe and create scenarios in Spanish, print them, and she grades them. But honestly, I don't thin they have fully replaced the role of teacher. The best use I have seen for them is that most of my teachers post their schedules, test dates, and homework on the school website which we can easily access in case we are absent. It can also be used to stay in touch with the teacher and ask him/her questions out of class via Messenger programs or plain Email.What I don't understand though is where do you stand? Do you like computers, or do you think they do not belong in an educational environment. I think they are more than welcome, and should be incorporated even more than they already have been. With the way our world is headed, the job market may require that you understand and know basic computer skills, and the best place to learn is in school.
- 16/03/2004
- 08:40:42
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First off, this can't happen. Freedom of speech, blah blah, etc, etc. But I think this goes under the idea that "parents are responsible". Toy/Food advertisements are made to appeal to young children trying to make it so that that child does want what is being advertised. However, it is the parents responsibility to decide wether or not they should purchase the toy/food item. Just because the child wants it does not mean he has to get it. It is good if the parents organize their budget to suit their kids needs and in providing him/her with a healthy diet, but I do not see how fatty food commercials make this difficult. If the parent wants to provide a healthy diet, then the parent will! If the parent lets their child order that greasy fatty combo at McDonalds and goes ahead and super sizes it, then that's the parents choice. It is up to the parent(s), End of Story.
- 16/03/2004
- 08:20:09
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I don't understand why you included the first part of your essay. Not sure of the assignment, so can't be judgemental of what is and isn't included, but it seems like it is not important- and the way you worded your first sentence could be a lot better. "As an early part of our study of a science, we need to all be "on the same page" when it comes to a few terms." <It doesn't make much sense. I don't know why you included a bibliography. Maybe you needed to, but honestly, there wasn't anything to look up. What I would really mention though, is why an athletic, or physically fit, person has a lower resting heart rate than unfit person. An athletic person has a stronger heart, obviously because he exercises. Because of this, the athletic person's heart does not need to work as hard when it is at its "resting" heart rate zone. The best way to check your resting heart rate is right when you wake up before you get out of bed. So have a stop watch ready, and check your pulse. You only need to go up to 15 seconds, and then multiply those beats by 4. You can also check your target heart rate zone by using this simple formula:220 -(your age) x .6 ; 220 -(your age) x .8The experiment is the only "ok" part of this essay. The rest is scrap.
- 16/03/2004
- 08:07:40
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I meant book when I said "I have never seen the movie", but in case anyone does not have the time to read the book, there is in fact a movie of The Hours, and I believe a remake is being filmed too. Not sure of release.
- 16/03/2004
- 07:50:46
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This was extremely well written. I have never seen the movie, and barely covered any of the terms you have discussed, so my understanding is entirely from just reading it. (Probably because I am a Freshman in high school and this definitly must be a college essay) As for intertextuality, I don't think you gave a good "definition" of it. You thouroughly described when it was invented, who coined the word, and where it was first used, but I never did quite understand the word, and if the reader does not understand the introduction, the rest is lost. Anyway, intertextuality is relating to or deriving meaning from the interdependent ways in which texts stand in relation to each other. A few other things I caught though were mainly grammatical, or that could be reworded. The last sentence of your 6th paragraph is made up of a lot of (;)'s, (-)'s, and (,)'s. It is in fact correct, but it makes the subject drag on. It could be better. Besides a few things like that here and there, I have one other thing to mention. I liked that you provided an oustantding amount of quotes to prove your statements, but it is better to incorporate them into your body paragraphs. With a substantial amount of your quotes, you placed them in their own paragraphs, and in the following paragraph, stated "as I have shown above" or "as shown above" etc. By placing these quotes in the actualy paragraph you are using them in, it creates a much smoother transition. However, how you did it was fine, just would make the essay easier to read rather than jumping to quotes without knowing why. Overall, this was very well written and I am glad you included your bibliography and footnotes. I wish you included your grade too, as I am interested as to what your teacher would have given you. This paper deserves nothing less than an A.
- 16/03/2004
- 07:42:10
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You already sent a slightly different version of this essay in already. I think it is still pending. http://www.cheathouse.com/essay/essay_view.php/p_essay_id/33019I already commented on the other one, but I am not sure which one is worse. Both seem just as brief and lacking in very important details.
- 15/03/2004
- 16:36:22
- Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
very well written and detailed summary. I just finished reading this in school, and you seem to have covered all the important details. A couple of punctuation and grammer errors, but nothing worth pointing out on the writing. Good summary.
- 15/03/2004
- 16:28:22
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Nicely written, I just have one comment, which I think everyone should take into account, but is what kind of edition of the book you have? I know people definitly wouldn't include it in their copy they give to the teacher, but when posting it here, it is best to tell other readers. Someone with a different edition of this book would probably find something totaly unrelated on their page 181. Otherwise, very nice.
- 15/03/2004
- 15:38:46
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Essay appears to be very brief upon this subject, though somewhat researched. Seems well written for what it has though.
- 15/03/2004
- 15:32:31
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First off, around your 13th-15th paragraph where you talk about a photograph being censored because it would have been damagin to morale, that paragraph is almost entirely made up of sentence fragments. Alsom in the paragraph after that, when you quote the English newspaper, you do not provide an end quote. It is obvious where it ends, but it demonstrates a lack of grammer/punctuation skills when left out.I feel your conclusion is incorrect as well. When you mentioned that through media, the war gained support; you were generalizing a minority. The majority of people inovlved in the war opposed it. Media did help those at home cope with the war, and support their troops through their times of trouble, but that does not mean they supported the war itself.Overall, I think this essay was terribly written. It seems a major problem that stuck out was grammer and punctuation. However, this essay could be very useful for those seeking the information that this essay provides.
- 15/03/2004
- 15:28:45
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First off, I don't like your opening paragraph. It could be worded so much better, and just to clarify what I mean, I rewrote it below:Between 1865 and early 1920's, the country changed from a rural nation to an urban one. Within this time period, I believe that there were three events that had the most significant impact on American life: Progressivism, the Birth Control Movement, and The Freedman's Bureau.It may be just me, but I think that sounds a lot better. Then, you switched from past tense to present tense with the word is in your 1st sentence of your 1st paragraph. Try to stick to one tense. Also, in the sentence right after, you should have the word but between the words "immigrants" and "who".The following sentences I believe are a sentence fragments and could be reworded better. "There were many issues that had to be dealt with. The workplace safety was one of them."You know what, I can't retype all your mistakes. This essay is terrible, and if you are in the 11th grade, shame on you. Someone at such a level in high school should never be caught writing something like this with so many grammatical errors. The information sounds accurate, but the essay sounds like it was written by a 5 year old.
- 15/03/2004
- 14:53:26
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
To your remarks on Marijuana from around the 1850's to 1940's, Marijuana wasn't as dangerous then as it is now. Yes, it was a harmful drug, but it is no way near as dangerous then than it is now. Unfortunately, producers of this drug "intensify" the lethal chemicals in the marijuana plant, providing the user with a more "uplifting" experience. This also makes it almost 4 times as dangerous. Besides just noting on that, I don't think you have the background, or educational experience to make the comment you made in your last paragraph. Just because marijuana wouldn't be used as much does not mean there would be a decrease in the abuse of illegal drugs. People would find another way to achieve the "experience" they desire. Besides those two remarks, very well written.
- 15/03/2004
- 14:40:02
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Money pours into Israeli aid from Christian churches, most from America. It is very strange. Many wanted them to give up their land before when it was first becoming a state (very generalized I know) but now that it is, they seem to have the need to save it. The latest reason I have heard is that Jesus won't come back and save everyone until Israel is at peace. Well... ok. So Jesus didn't come back the first time he was expected to, so they made this up. What will happen when the war in the middle east does end and Jesus doesn't come? I can't wait to hear what those good ol child malesting priests will have to say then. (again, very generalized. I can't help it)(By the way: Not religious)
- 14/03/2004
- 17:58:28
- Score: 15 out of 17 people found this comment useful.
Very nice. It seems you have provided your information towards writing your essay, but not the actualy essay itself. This is very good as it gives readers the opportunity to use the information they gather as they chose. However, I think it would also be beneficial to maybe at one point, add your essay to the database.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:47:04
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your opening was very good, it motivated me to read this paper, otherwise it looked too long for me to read. You had a few grammer errors, not really noticeable, but there. Otherwise, there was one thing I think you should have touched on. If a person enjoys their job, no matter what it is, they are motivated to do it. More often than not, without worrying about how much they are getting paid. Sort of like your 3rd example, but just to have added to it. This could touch on your 4th example as well, but again just to add, you could use a teacher. Teachers definitly don't teach for money. They enjoy their work and feel they are doing their part in society. Overall, very good essay.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:33:31
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I think you are generalizing the situation some couples/families have now and then. As for standards and woman now working more than around 50 years ago, I think you are forgetting an important event- World War II. It wasn't until then that many woman stayed home and played the role of "house wife". But when WWII came around, men went to war, and the only people left to work were woman. When the war was over, woman didn't give up their jobs. They thusly started to recieved more rights and a more equal treatment. But like I said before, it is very generalized. Otherwise, your opinion was very well explined and essay very nicely written.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:25:05
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Very brief and crammed full of grammer errors. Your essay is almost nothing but sentence fragments. Grammatical errors cover this paper too! I could have written a better essay with my eyes closed and my brain turned off. I would be suprised if your teacher allowed you to return to class after something like this.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:06:28
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Thank you for the bibliography. Always need those. As for the essay, very well written and explained very clearly. Historically accurate as well, which with this type of essay, is very important.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:02:53
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
A good look at this novel and very well written. Just read this myself for school and seems to be quite accurate.
- 14/03/2004
- 17:02:51
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Very good summary of this type of test. Never heard of it before now, just looked it up on the net. This is a very good source of information for someone taking this test, but I hope a person taking it could read well enough to read this! lol.
- 14/03/2004
- 16:58:46
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
The second sentence of your 4th paragraph is a little sketchy, but otherwise, well done. Anyone who would need this information would definitly find this helpful.
- 13/03/2004
- 21:22:26
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Before I ask the point of this essay, let me get the spelling and grammer out of the way. Almos a Man, I'm sure means Almost A Man. And in your first sentence, I am sure mean is supposed to be man. Grammer is a problem with this essay as well. Just read it through once and you should catch most if not all the mistakes.Now as for the topic. The Man Who Was Almost A Man is a book, though I didn't think so at first. I read it online but with your essay, it sounds like a book you would find in a "nut-house". I reread your essay after reading the book. It makes more sense, but is still terrible. You should include more details when writing something like this. Without reading the book, it sounds crazy.
- 13/03/2004
- 21:16:37
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First off, I don't see why it is a problem immigrants want to study in the U.S.; hence your opening paragraph. What I do think is a problem, is that you think they should. If when, according to what you said, students who migrate from Iran will find their courses in the U.S. easier because of their educational backgrounds, then why come here? Honestly, if you think they are doing better there, there is no point in coming here. I, in fact, agree that educational programs in different countries are much better then those in America. I had to teach myself, early on, Spanish because I could not take the course until High School. When I traveled to Israel a couple years ago, I met a student my age who could fluently speak 5 languages, and read 3 others. That is 8 languages and he was only about 13-14! They start learning at a young age, that is the benefit.Next, your 4th paragraph; Holy Crap!! Show me a school that allows that in the U.S. and I'll be in heaven! Otherwise, I don't know what kind of school you go to.Finally, in your 2nd to last paragraph, I think you mean to replace facilities, with materials. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Overall, this is the craziest essay I have ever read. On a written standpoint, it is fine, but on content, I think its crazy. You definitly weren't thinking too much when you wrote this.
- 13/03/2004
- 20:52:50
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
The majority of this is correct, but you also have a lot of points that are not. I wish I had my notes with me, as I just studied this subject and took a test on it, but my teacher collected them on Friday to do a notebook check. For instance, in the Munich agreement, the deal was that there would be no stopping him from invading Checkeslovakia. They were invaded by Hitler.In the Nazi-Soviet Pact, it is good that you mentioned that France and Britain would be left to fight Germany, but it is not true that you mentioned alone. You should also have mentioned that this would keep Germany from fighting a two-front war. As for the advantages for U.S.S.R, you are very brief about it. You need to mention important details! For instance, the two main ones were that Russia would be able to hold off on the war with Germany, and that they would gain land in Poland. Good you mentioned those, but like I said, details. Russia wanted the land in Poland because Russia knew from WWI how destructive modern war was, and with the land in Poland, any war with Germany could be fought off Russian soil. Though it didn't turn out that way, that was the way of thinking Russia had. Russia did trust Britain and France, it is that Russia was being asked by Germany to ally as well. Russia recieved the best deal with Germany, so it sided with Germany, even though they did plan to ally with the Allied Powers in the future.You should also have mentioned the Spanish Civil War as a cause for WWII. The reason Germany was involved in the Spanish Civil War was to test new modern war strategies. However, these war strategies caused thousands of civilian casaulties.Good that you mentioned the League of Nations, but no details! Japan's invasion of Manchuria was the first evidence of The League's weakness. Because it was realised the League could do nothing but frown at what Japan did, many nations became fearful and started rearming themselves.When you mentioned that the Treaty of Versailles should have been made in a favorable stand point towards Hitler, this is incorrect. The point of the treaty was to minimize Germany's chances of initiating another war. The fault was that the treaty was not enforced. France and Britian did make a mistake in misjudging Hitler, but not as a tyrant. They misjudged his military power. They thought he was much stronger than he really was. France and Britain did not want a war because they were in a depression. They instead, tried to post-pone any war by allowing Hitler to do what he did.Another point that you have wrong, is that the Chamberlain trusted Hitler. He had no trust for Hitler. He just had hope to not start another war. Chamberlain, as well as the other leaders, saw what happened during modern war. Many were in fact in World War I. They knew what war could do, and did their best to stop another from happening.Besides above, just a few mistakes you should have caught during a simple proof-read.-in addition, France and Britain mist chances to stop Hitler.I suppose that should be "missed" instead of "mist"-Britain and France's mistakes, played a pole in the cause of the Second World WarI suppose that should be "role" instead of "pole"Just a few things here and there as well. Overall though, you should recheck more of your "facts" including what I have mentioned. Otherwise, fairled "ok" as a very rough overview.
- 13/03/2004
- 20:16:52
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I cannot say in relation to the book how this is portrayed, but from what I have learned (most recently in fact) of the era in Russia, your historical references seem correct. However, towards your essay, I think you tried to make a point of antagonist vs protagonist, but I don't think it was needed. I dont' know the assignment, but if you did not need to include it, you shouldn't have. If you did though, it would have been wise to mention it in your thesis. Instead, it came out of nowhere at the end of your 5th paragraph.He is, however, telling a family to destroy the one thing they hold most dear in order to survive. Could this be antagonist or protagonist? Again, it is a measure of both.-Again? You didn't mention it once to mention it again. The antagonist-protagonist idea, had it been left out, would have made this essay much smoother. Otherwise, good job, a very good reference to someone looking for information on this play.
- 12/03/2004
- 21:26:14
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You seem to have brought out your opinion and reasoning quite well in this essay. This sounds like a hospital in your community, which to me creates a limited point of view on the impact of the situation. However, you did provide a very adequate amount of information for someone not in relation to this topic. Very well written, and I hope they solve this problem soon.
- 12/03/2004
- 21:14:06
- Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
GOing about this topic, you <must> include a bibliography, otherwise, it could be some kid catching stuff off of CNN while channel surfing, who picked up these ideas. I don't agree to the war, but I do agree that Saddam needed to step down. War was not the way to do it. (Don't they train snipers for this kind of task??) However, this is no real war. Saddam loyalist are merely hitting American patrols with bombs and running into crowds of citizens. Civilian casualties are a part of war, unfortunately; but they always happen.One major point, which I think is just the craziest thing I have heard in my entire life is this:These questions need to be asked. And they must be answered to the satisfaction of the majority.To the satisfaction of the majority? That is like saying someone was found not guilty, but since the majority of the people in the court room (not the jury) think he is guilty, burst forth towards the "innocent" man, and kill him. Here's an old saying:"You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth!"
- 12/03/2004
- 20:49:22
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Very brief overview of the Challenger incident. Those people you put in parenthesis, I am not sure who they are. If those represent the source of information, it would be nice to include where you found it. One thing though, you mention that it was advised that shuttles do not launch at temperatures less than 50 degrees, but you failed to mention the temperature of when the shuttle launched. That is an important point if you want to go into detail on why temperature was an issue. Otherwise, not bad.
- 12/03/2004
- 20:36:40
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Never heard of him before, and it seems you researched him fairly well. Best essay I've read so far tonight, nothing much to fix/correct. Good work.
- 12/03/2004
- 20:30:37
- Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
Good essay; not clear on assignment, but just a few points to make. (By the way, have seen and liked the movie)A problem that was commonly noticed was transitioning. A couple of your paragraphs dropped off on one topic, and picked up andother."Calvin uses this to his advantage, because the detective is his friend, to get his shop back. Knowing the meaning of true family values is a very good moral in the movie."-You were talking about how Calvin was going to get his money back, and then you drop off to family values.There were a couple others that could have been worded better, but not worth mentioning. However, what is definitly worth mentioning is your grammer.-"Being who you are no matter what is a good point made in this movie."If you read that straight, without a comma between what and is, causes this sentence to be easily misunderstood. Other things, that I hope your teacher caught, are easily noticed.In your second paragraph, at the end, you talk about Jimmy dissin Issac. You then continue that thought in your 5th paragraph. You should have put them in the same spot.Otherwise, pretty good. Don't believe you got a 98%, though, especially as a Sophmore. Anyway, it was ok, and a good movie to choose (and watch).
- 12/03/2004
- 20:08:24
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First off, if a kid is in high school and can vote, he may not deserve natural rights, hehe. Anyway, I am not sure where your paper is going. I may just be getting it wrong, but you should provied these articles for us to read. The school principle did not allow these articles to be printed because they involved students in that school. This has nothing to do with free speach. This is public descrimination. The students who were mentioned should have the right to have their names ommited. Most likely replaced with John or Jayne Doe. I did not think I was unprotected by the first amendment anymore than any other citizen of the US. This essay does not belong here as far as I can tell. This seems to be more of a personal issue within your school.
- 07/03/2004
- 17:34:32
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
As falkorlove said, though you did mention Stimson, anyone who doesn't know who he is, wouldn't know why you did.-Also, I don't know why the first sentence of your 3rd paragraph is in quotes.-The follwoing statement is unnecessary: When Germany was defeated and split up, the Soviet Union received ¼ of the country, and ¼ of the capital, Berlin. Now that Japan was almost defeated, the U.S. did not want to share the country, especially with a communist nation.--I don't even know why you mentioned it. It's just babble.I can't say this is anywhere near C material. If I gave this to my teacher (I am in 9th grade too) she wouldn't even take the time to put a grade on it after reading the first two paragraphs.
- 07/03/2004
- 17:21:29
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
Very well written and detailed! I feel sorry for who has to read all of your papers, it's a lot of reading. I think you edited it very nicely, it did not seem very choppy as you had noted. Glad you made it back from Iraq.
- 05/03/2004
- 17:49:27
- Score: 5 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
In your 5th paragraph-baseball players need to hit a 100-mile per hour fastball with people screaming everywhereThe worlds fastest pitch is 100.9 mph.
- 18/02/2004
- 20:24:49
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
How did that comment *Dang* get on this page?
- 18/02/2004
- 20:22:35
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Dang, didn't post in time... essay already accepted.
- 18/02/2004
- 20:21:26
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Relax, because if you're reading this, you'll be here awhile.First of all, I am very critical of this topic beacuse I hear this kind of stuff all the time. I see where you are going, but your support is irrational.3rd Paragraph: You might as well scratch this off. It is wrong. You cannot consider yourself "unatheltic" and play professional golf. The upper-body strength (especially in the arms) to drive a ball hundreds yards is demanding, especially if you plan to send it anywhere near the whole.-Casey Martin, a professional golfer, is in a wheelchair. It would be humanly impossible for somebody who cannot walk could play any sports at a high enough level to be a professional.There are many handicapped sports. Basketball is a popular one. I have never heard of Casey, but if he plays professional golf and is in a wheel chair, then good for him. Anyone who is in a wheelchair can play some sports. They even have teams of handicapped players.4th Paragraph: Basketball and Football aren't exactly the most "intelligent" sports out there. You can be a complete idiot and still play as a linebacker on a football team.5th Paragraph: That golf doesn't acquire large crowds is incorrect. If you watch the golf on TV, during almost any championship, a panoramic view around the golfer will show you quite a large crowd. But that you don't see them, doesn't mean that they aren't there either. People rarely go to the actual golf course where the championship is held, instead, they watch it on TV.6th Paragraph: Just because a sport is not in the Olympics doesn't mean it isn't a sport. Some sports have only recently been welcomed into the Olympics. Chess is the same as golf according to you. Chess requires only 2 of your 4 "requirements" of a game: Intelligence and Skill, not movement or sweat. But last year was the first year Chess was recognized as an Olympic sport. If chess can be an Olympic sport, golf is sure to be up next.I don't think golf is the greatest sport out there, but it is a sport.
- 18/02/2004
- 20:19:29
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
The topic is very well introduced and explained nicely. You organized your paper well, letting each idea go with the next. Also, a very good closing. Excellant work.
- 13/02/2004
- 10:26:22
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
I just finished reading this for school. Good job. Note: good idea including page numbers and lines, but it is good to include the edition you have; page #'s may vary)The_Beer_Barron: The Odyssey is known as the earliest example of the modern super hero such as Superman. Superman was never afraid of a fight or showing himself up because he knew he would always come on top. That is how Odysseus is like.Also, the Greeks believed in the idea that your destiny was written by the gods. Odysseus was told by one of the gods (Athena I think) that all the sailors with him would die. He didn't worry about them because he knew he couldn't do anything about him- their destiny to die on the journey was written by the gods and you don't argue with gods. lol.
- 12/02/2004
- 16:12:10
- Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Never thought about testing the effects of Coke on Marigolds. Good job, and well written.
- 12/02/2004
- 16:03:25
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Well done and well written.
- 11/02/2004
- 20:07:56
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
Very well written. I agree with the point made about how quick Americans are to point the finger. I wrote an essay on this before (no longer have it) and have stated that parents, especially, are quick to point the finger because they don't want to admit that it is their fault. Because the parent/guardian was unable to safeguard a weapon, makes him almost entirely responsible. Instead of admiting their faults and encouraging others to not make the same mistake, they say that violence in video games or on tv brainwashed the kid to do what he did. (I believe that violence is also influenced from the household too but can't say that is true)
- 11/02/2004
- 18:33:55
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
It was good that you had page #'s included to refer to the book, but it is only helpful if someone has the same edition of the book as you do. Please comment that when you get the chance. Otherwise, not bad, opening and closing could be better.
- 11/02/2004
- 17:58:23
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your introductory paragraph could be organized better and before abreviating a word (HC for example), it is best to "spell" it out or explain it first. Otherwise, very good and a lot of detailed information.
- 11/02/2004
- 17:32:06
- Score: 1 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
I just finished this topic in school and you very nicely brought out a lot of important points in your essay. Good job.
- 11/02/2004
- 15:35:40
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.