User Details For: redlily

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  • It is supposed to be official

    It is a formal proposal for a group. What, for example, support group or therapy group founders would write to have their group started in an organization. It was written using group proposal guidelines.
    • 14/04/2005
    • 20:36:45
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Where is your reference list?

    It should have been included here.
    • 13/04/2005
    • 21:24:03
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Not bad but very general

    I like your essay, but it's almost like an essay that I read many times before. You could make it stick out more by not just talking in general terms but by getting more detailed. For example you wrote: Teaching is very important in making the future stronger for tomorrow.You made a statement but you don't back it up with anything. Try to explain your statements. Many of your statements make great topic sentences that just scream for further elaboration. I hope I make sense.Being able to put detail in your essays will make your essays stand out from the crowd.
    • 13/04/2005
    • 21:21:45
    • Score: 3 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Well done

    very informative and very well researched. The only thing I noticed was that, at the beginning, THEY was used a few times in a row - try finding other ways to refer to previously mentioned people. But it wasn't so much that it was bothersome.Great work! Do you know grade you received for it?
    • 13/04/2005
    • 21:06:27
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Meant to reply to this one a long time ago...

    O probably would have included theories if I would know anything about them. This was written for my "intro to Human Services" class - first year college - and I am now in my third semester and just now get into theories.Just wanted to explain why I didn't include them - simply because I didn't KNOW them (still only know very little).
    • 05/12/2004
    • 13:18:09
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Proof reading needed!!!

    I agree with the other comment, there are many errors in this essay.
    • 08/09/2004
    • 21:26:52
    • Score: 5 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Elevator bathrooms

    This essay needs revised; there are a lot of grammatical errors and unclear sentences, for example:Isn't it a funny idea to have a bathroom in an elevator because you are not ** going to be long in ** , however if we take the idea ** to go for it ** , there are some advantages and some disadvantages.
    • 08/09/2004
    • 21:20:16
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • WIC

    You need to read the essay again and fix sentences such as:"The question lies to why is this program still has so many problems?"Read it aloud and you will be able to pick out most of the grammatical errors!
    • 08/09/2004
    • 21:15:06
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Can't wait to read part 2..

    though.. "here I am" - shouldn't that be "there I was" - to fit in with the past tense? I am not sure - but that sounds a bit akward.Good job so far! Reading number 2 now!
    • 10/08/2004
    • 18:23:41
    • Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
  • Thansk for your comments

    This was the first essay I ever head to write in English and in college (I am from Germany but now live in the US and I am just now starting college, at age 33). So I think for that it is pretty good, but it could be better. Thank you for your comments, they are greatly appreciated.
    • 10/08/2004
    • 16:19:48
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.

    you do not cite the sources, which is real a NO NO..for example, you cited parts from:*- sources is important, otherwise its just plagarism of sorts.
    • 09/08/2004
    • 21:01:36
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Could be better

    This essay is full of inadequate usage of the English language. Using "kinda" in an essay is always wrong. I do not think this essay is adequate writing for a second year college student. Sentences such as "Counseling is counseling is counseling" hold no information and are, from a technical writing standpoing, useless. Personally, I think this esay needs revised.
    • 25/06/2004
    • 11:11:01
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Starfruit n cream

    Starfruit is excellent eaten fresh with WHIPPED CREAM :-)nice essay, but now I am hungry.
    • 24/05/2004
    • 19:35:28
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Just for your info

    the announcement was accidental. The wall wasn't supposed to be opened THAT NIGHT. IT was an announcement that traveling restriction will be eased. But since Schabowski had not been given instructions (the memo was given to him in a minute decision) nobody knew what was going on. East and West Berliners stormed to the wall and after an hour guards positioned on the east side couldn't really do anything. I personally stood at one of the gates as it was opened. Hundreds of people on each side and 2 guards. I don't think they had much of a choice. A bad choice of words, an accident, caused the final fall - amazing, isn't' it?Good essay though, thanks for reminding me of my hometown. (I live int he US now)
    • 28/02/2004
    • 17:13:40
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Pretty good

    Though try to take any "YOU" out and write in the third person instead.
    • 28/02/2004
    • 12:53:57
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Very informative

    Where did you get the info on Holland? Inserting that into the speech would make it more accurate, or not? Even if I hear a speech I want to know the person talking has gotten the info from a reliable source.Other than that good work though, definitely useful for anybody writing and essay on marijuana legalization.
    • 27/02/2004
    • 21:36:35
    • Score: 4 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Missed a few steps

    Did you outline the process before writing? For example, you need to put the fresh diaper under the baby's butt before you fasten the closures. Also, you usually wipe the baby's behind bfore removing the old diaper and rolling it up (you won't have a free hand until at least a bit is wiped, unless you want baby doodoo everywhere.
    • 27/02/2004
    • 20:51:59
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Go deeper

    You need to explain more WHYYou wrote: Most familes today don\'t sit down all together and eat dinner like people did years ago. This is because familes are drifting apart and are not as traditional as they once were.There is a lot mroe you can write on the WHY - for example both parents work, increased working hours/overtime, financial needs etc.
    • 27/02/2004
    • 20:49:12
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • I disagree...

    ...and additionally I don't think you made your point. Reads like a radical feminist paper, in a way. I wonder why you think that marriage can't survive if it is opened you to same-sex-couples. I wonder what makes you think that it will hurt children"...providing the optimal environment for raising children..."Marriage does? In what way? There are no studies to prove that. What about all the children being beatne and abused by their MARRIED OPPOSITE GENDER parents?As a lesbian I can not agree with what you wrote. Why deny a part of society a right that others hold? EQUALITY for all.
    • 27/02/2004
    • 20:07:36
    • Score: 5 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay

    Well researched. However,one tip. A lot of college professors prefer if you explain in your own words what someone wrote/said instead of quoting them directly. It shows you really understood what they meant. If I was to remove all direct quotes from this essay, only half of it would be left. However, for anybody wanting to write about immigration, this essay would give some good points to consider as well as valuable resources.
    • 27/02/2004
    • 15:05:44
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Good

    I read and liked this book and agree - I do miss you writing "What connections are you able to draw between this book and your life?". It's still a good description of the first few chapters.
    • 26/02/2004
    • 12:30:57
    • Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.