The structure of the essay should be Intro, parapgraph, body, concluding paragraph. This paper does not have a intro or a conclusion. The intro should talk briefly about what the paper will have in it, with a thesis statement that sums up the question that your paper will address and your answer. The body should have all of your arguments. The conclusion you should re-state your thesis and briefly go over the arguments, no new information should be added.
- 03/10/2005
- 01:25:45
- Score: 23 out of 27 people found this comment useful.
Your sentence structure is pretty close to the same when you bring up an advantage or a disadvanage. The structure should change.An example would be instead of saying; "Another disadvantage to outlook is privacy."Say, Privacy in outlook is one of the disadvantages.
- 03/10/2005
- 01:15:56
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Just a few comments. The opening paragraph the last sentence should not be their. That is where the thesis should be. It is a good line, just out of place.You should talk about the different sources more. You could probably cut down on the quotations.Because Caesar created the First Triumverate before he crossed the Rubicon, they should be switched to that order in the paper.
- 03/10/2005
- 01:05:44
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
The concluding paragraph should not have any new information or arguments. It should never start with "another consideration"
- 03/10/2005
- 00:52:51
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This paper feels more like a daily assingment then a paper.
- 03/10/2005
- 00:38:00
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
You should alter the words you use in different parpagraphs.
- 03/10/2005
- 00:30:31
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
More detail would make this a better essay.
- 03/10/2005
- 00:27:42
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
The writting is decent. Just not enough information.
- 01/01/2005
- 09:59:51
- Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.