it's good, but i think you shoudl make it more emotional... add some drama to it, like add a few adjectives here and there to engage the audience and get your point of view across...I think 85% is a generous mark for an essay of this length... 700 words should not give 85%.. you were VERY lucky to get such a great mark!!!
- 31/05/2004
- 06:54:14
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY GOOD ESSAY!!!
- 31/05/2004
- 06:48:32
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
not that good i'm afraid... your in yr 11 so it's okay, but for year 12... thats gonna get u 7/20... The reason being, you have to talk more about the structure, the symbols present. The two texts are in a totally different context, you can't compare them so directly. Ill set you off... compare the first page of emma to the first 5 shots of clueless (up till the mirror/hari grooming scene). You will find that the ideas are soooo close it's scary. Look at the jeep, the significance of the jeep as a mode of transport is overwhelming. Think back to emma, how important is the horse and carriage to the text? How many important and identical events happen in the texts through the use of the jeep/carriage? When Cher fails her driving test, she is shattered, because she has nto been able to talk herself out of it, same goes in emma, when Emma insults Mrs Bates, she feels ver y guilty and is put into the car to shed her mighty tears...the list goes on, you should think more into it, rather then looking at the cover of the book and movie.... think aboutt he emotional states of the characters and discuss those feelings by comparing them at similiar times/events.
- 05/05/2004
- 17:57:04
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Your content is good, but they way you've worded seems of such a low standard. Something a grade 9 kid would do. But your structure is good, you have all the information in the right order, but the way you've presented it seems awful... I don't know if it was originally like this, or cheathouse has made it like this, but it is a reallly bad layout, and you shoul consider adding Bold headings and using udnerlines (if you havn't in your original work, if you have, then this doesn't apply to u =) ).Otherwise, it can be seen very clearly that you understand your work... well done *thumbs up*
- 05/05/2004
- 17:34:13
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
it as an okay okay response, above average, but not ground-breaking, well done none-the less
- 01/05/2004
- 01:02:59
- Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
VERY NICE! you have a sound knowledge and udnerstanding of the material, congratulations
- 01/05/2004
- 01:02:14
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
very nice essay, gets to the point and answers the criterier
- 01/05/2004
- 01:01:24
- Score: 11 out of 11 people found this comment useful.
You are making to many assumptions. Despite the horrific extent of the september 11 atack, it was "praised" all over the world for it's mastery. Such a plan cannot be fueled only only by a man's capacity to think, it has to be influenced by what is around us and things that are available. It is hard to assume that these attacks were not influenced by violence. Such catastrophy cannot be shrugged and gotten over... you urself said that Teens have said that 'September 11 did not seem to hit them the way they felt it should have'you have just contradicted your whole argument that violence in the media has not affected us in a negative way... this is a very negative effect of the media... something so catastrophic, so horrific so mercyless can be jsut shrugged of because soemthing on tv is much worse than that? and then u say that tv is good and "human" is bad...this needs to be corrected in ur essay...Also it was very amusing =) it made me laugh which is good, but i'd say it was incomplete. It's more of a speech than an essay...
- 30/04/2004
- 22:40:28
- Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
hey nice essay...
- 30/04/2004
- 09:04:46
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.