User Details For: natemil87

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  • Good

    first: take every sentence that starts with "I think" and remove that clause... so instead of "I think that home connontes..." it's "home connotes." sentences with "I think" are inherently commentary, and thus the phrase I think is merely "fat" in your sentences structures which de-elevates the piece. Second: avoid using to be verbs such as "is" "was" "does".. instead use a more specific verb. for example: "But a home is something more special than that"... "but a home represents something more special than that." good, you supported your point well.
    • 12/06/2005
    • 04:23:05
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Good. but

    your statistical information provides power DP for your essay. However your explination of the process by which computers are tracked is incorrect (most modems have dynamic IP addresses, and hence can't be tracked). Furthermore, addressing the issue from the perspective of the record companies would present a strong argument.
    • 10/06/2005
    • 18:21:01
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Flimsy

    The essay was well made, but lacks a backbone to support the ideas presented. The sentences arn't structured very well, and as a result, it is hard to read the essay. to stop this you, must reread the essay after you write it and edit out errors. While your thesis does present the topics of discussion it lacks a scope. If you are truly trying to make this into an essay you must explain the slant of your arguement. If this is a research paper then you need to structure it like that. to put you views in the conclusion but not in the thesis is in contrast of the very concept of a conclusion. The conclusion is supposed to state the significance of your thesis. So, when you put your views into the conclusion you must say that. your Thesis should say something along the lines of, Abortion should be made illegal except for in specific cases because they are moraly wrong, and perscribe a system of immaturity. then you can counter the pro-abortion arguements inside your body paragraphs
    • 01/06/2004
    • 01:59:01
    • Score: 12 out of 12 people found this comment useful.