The essay brings out the ferocity of lusting love.I appreciate the use of powerful diction such as "malignancy" and "tranquility manifested". Such diction brings about sudden trepidation to the reader, which can be described as quite disturbing. However, the incoherent use of intensity and diction shows that the writer edited the essay a few times, which will not earn points, but in fact ruin the simplicity of the essay.The essay on the overall lacked a definition. I do agree with what liquid_frog said about the essay being "felt unfinished". Good try though.
- 01/11/2004
- 23:37:42
- Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
The facts will be of significant help to whoever is doing research under this topic. Well done!
- 29/10/2004
- 07:55:47
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I'm far from the age group you have mentioned! However, I feel the sense of pain the couple is going through, especially the author. You have also given some very good events that the couples have gone through.The number 2375 is chosen inappropriately. Senile patients are never given numbers, even in a desolate hospital. You should have given closer thought to that. Maybe you wished to show that life is taken for granted to such an extent.Good approach though.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:47:32
- Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
The twist is good, and I had no inkling of such an ending.However, this comedy is not appreciated. It is lame and shallow. I anticipated something more exciting.Well, nice try.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:39:26
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I really feel the detachment from love. The imagery is very strong indeed. An abundance of ideas are also created.Things like "the dark center of the colorful world" shows that even the most beautiful things in life have their extreme ugly side, in this case - Love.I also appreciate the fact that you mentioned self-induce pain. I feel the pain and anticipation because my brother used to cut himself before, and it was quite harrowing. He was diagnosed to have acute depression, which is a medical condition easily derived from relationship problems.However, I think the end of the poem was too extreme. When you use imagery like "Ravens surround me", there should be more descriptions to show that they are not real. I cannot decipher what they would be. though I suspect you wish to show that they are demons, bringing you to Hell. Your idea of "gone" is weak. You could have used a metaphor or similie to produce the same effect, but not so convergently.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:34:38
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I dislike the fact that the use of vocabulary is so limited. The writer uses the words "thrilling" and "exhilarating" repeatedly, which reflects the weak range of vocabulary. This impedes the seemingly perfect grammer. Descriptions would have been so much more evoking if more vocabulary was used.Good try Viviene.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:26:29
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This is an exemplary contemporary prose, but too short for the making.I like the descriptions such as "The overall body colour blended exceptionally well with the gloomy surrounding" and "The figure stopped. He kneeled down, paying respect to his superior."This reflects reality in life a few decades ago. The rich who wore "tuxedos" had were superior as seen from the kneeling of his supposed hitman.The prose also reflects that life back then was sometimes taken for granted. It also reflects that the law was unjustified.We also speculate what happened eventually. Was the gunshot from the man being chased? If it was, would the man in tuxedo die? The use of techniques, which Roald Dahl uses as well, reflects that this writer has great potential.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:18:44
- Score: 10 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
I agree a lot with your pointers. However, there are quite a number of other factors that led to Hitler's rise.Namely, the Great Depression. Hitler was first able to rise, and continue to garner support. The great depression hit Europe and USA pretty badly at their faces. The rich were reduced to beggars, and the middle-class were reduced to the status of their slaves. Because of this, many were desperate. They had no food and were starving. Hence, they blamed the Reichstag for being negligent towards the situation.Hitler was intelligent enough to use this as an advantage to rise. His Nazi Party was previously receiving no more than 10% of the votes from elections. However, after he used his propoganda by saying he'd provide food and water, the people gained faith in him.
- 28/10/2004
- 09:08:18
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The imagery of this poem is potentially strong. As a fellow poet, I would say that the images are clear and are not too extreme.A great element of the poem is that it gradually becomes very evoking. It starts off passively as seen from "silk" and "swaying". These words reflect the tranquility that matter offers. However, as the poem continues, it becomes a fit of tyranny. Diction like "breathed", "surging power" and "giant foot of lightning" reveals that matter is not so tranquil anymore, in fact, it is described by the poet, to be destruction as well.The poem has an exceptional end which I greatly appreciate. When the poet says "new stones set skimming", he perhaps wants tos how that the fragments of life can soar and be relaxed. However, life can "plunge" and "sink" below because of the unfathomable matter in life. This, greatly reflects the unpredictable world we are living in - terrorism, civil wars, strife, natural disasters.The poet reveals that the negativity of life when he uses the words "unlived", "unheard" and "unended". These words contain the prefix "un". OTher words such as unpredictable, unachievable, unacceptable, unreached, undermine, are all negative words that contain "un".Hence, the poem is greatly written because it not uses great imagery, but evokes 21st century issues well.
- 28/10/2004
- 08:59:54
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.