User Details For: willbfe

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  • A good start to an insightful essay

    There is a lot of starter material here for a really insightful essay. Nearly every sentence could have been the main topic of a paragraph in itself. You mentioned "push factors and pulls factors" and I think that could have been expounded on fairly easily. If you truly, sincerely, passionately believe that we can and MUST learn from history, you can take what you've written here and create a very convincing essay.
    • 12/03/2005
    • 09:18:27
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Simplistic, yet passionate

    This essay demonstrates some passionate convictions of the writer. It is good that he/she has such convictions and holds to them tenaciously, especially at a young age. The time will come soon enough for this youthful writer when he/she will discover how much more complicated life can be that what is described here, but for now, my friend, hold true to your convictions and continue to stay alive in 2005 and far beyond.Well written and a pleasure to read.
    • 12/03/2005
    • 09:09:39
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Well said!

    Very well said. This essay reflects the writer's opinions, and as such, is very impactful. There is little empirical evidence cited, but the essay doesn't really need it because it comes across with passion and conviction.There are a couple of mechanical errors, but none that are particularly glaring. Overall, it is well organized, well thought-out, and well stated.I enjoyed reading this essay.
    • 06/03/2005
    • 20:12:17
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Nice summary, but too many quotes

    Although this essay provides a nice summary of the story, it relies too much on direct quotes from the book. A more interesting (and beneficial) approach would have been for the writer to delve into his thoughts and feelings about Jim Grimsley's book, stating them in his own words, and using quotes only sparingly to support his opinions.Also, it was difficult to tell where the writer was quoting and where he was not. Using appropriate quote marks or paragraph indents would have been helpful. Citations go on the outside of the quotations but before the period.I am a fan of Jim Grimsley, so I would have enjoyed knowing more about what you thought about his story.
    • 06/03/2005
    • 14:36:15
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Full of passion and idealism

    This is a well written, passionate essay. Although it does not provide many facts, it clearly represents the author's opinoins and feelings.One thing to consider is the idea that a host of religious arguments could be made in opposition to gay marriages. Remember that religion tends to be interpretive, meaning that some people will see it one way while others see it another. For instance, there are many gay "Christians" who do not believe that the bible condemns them for their sexual identity. Nonetheless, you are absolutely correct in your assertion that religion has no place in the political discussion regarding marital rights for gays and lesbians.Very nice article.
    • 06/03/2005
    • 14:27:17
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Very interesting and informative

    I really enjoyed this essay. Although I dabble in the study of religion, I was not aware of this particular cult.This essay could have perhaps been improved with less reliance on quotes and more of a summary of the research. Also, a conclusion paragraph would have made the paper flow more smoothly.Overall, a well written and enjoyable essay.
    • 06/03/2005
    • 11:58:59
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • Correction to Works Cited

    Blind, Jennifer M. SHOULD read: Bund, Jennifer M.Sorry about the mistake.
    • 05/03/2005
    • 15:04:26
    • Score: 0 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
  • Good information, but lacks validity

    There is some good information in this essay, and probably some truths. However, statements are made without any references to where the "facts" came from. Anyone can "make up facts" and write an essay. I rather doubt that the facts in this essay were fabricated, but since there are no citations, I (as an objective reader) cannot know whether to believe them or not.There are a number of mechanical errors, including the ommission of an apostrophe in the title (Its should have been It's). While this may seem trivial, again, errors such as this detract from the credibility of the essay.Finally, there are "leaps" of assumption made throughout the essay. For instance, it is assumed that because there were so many hand-gun-related murders in 1988 (9000) that the legality of handguns MUST be the reason. So, if we make hand guns illegal, do we assume that the murder rate will drop? Or perhaps the murder rate will stay constant (when controlled for population fluctuation), but the murders will be committed using different weapons--knives, rocks, ropes, cars, etc. Assumptions are always the pitfall of essays like this, which is why it is all the more important to cite "facts" so as to add to the validity of statements made.This essay would make an excellent starting point for a serious look at the problem of handgun control in the United States.
    • 03/03/2005
    • 19:12:37
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Very detailed summary

    This was a very detailed summary of the book (or the movie.) One way to improve a book report such as this is to explore the characters more, rather than simply summarizing the story line. For instance, I didn't see anything mentioned about one of the characters being a bit "slow" and therefore in need of protection by his friend. As a subjective analysis of the story, you are free to describe the characters they way that YOU see them. In your conclusion, you stated that you "shared the same feelings as the characters described in the book." What feelings do you share, with whom do you share them, and in what ways do you share them? This would make the report more personal. Overall, though, a nice job on the story. Watch grammatical and spelling errors. There were a few. (For instance, using "seen" instead of "saw", etc.)
    • 02/03/2005
    • 21:06:04
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
  • A lot of good info, but disjointed

    There is a lot of good information in this essay. However, it appears very disjointed. In some instances, a list of examples is provided but not explained further. The paragraphs do not flow smoothly from one topic to the next. This is probably because the author tried to summarize literature without fully synthesizing it.After reading the essay, the question that I immediately had was, "What was the point of this essay?" While is certainly focused on motivation, I'm not exactly sure what its purpose was: To explain the term motivation? To tell me how to motivate someone? To warn me of the pitfalls of motivation? I was just left a little unsure.Finally, mechanics are important. There were several mechanical errors, including using "workers" instead of "worker's" in the very first sentence. A minor error, but one that set the tone for the whole essay. Proofread!!Overall, I enjoyed reading the essay.
    • 02/03/2005
    • 12:31:13
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Tells us "What," but not "Why"

    This essay does a fairly decent job of outlining what occurs in our society, specifically, the judgements we face from other members of our society based on the clothing we choose (or are forced) to wear. However, the essay is somewhat incomplete in it does not really delve into the question of why these judgements occur. Why are people judged a certain way for wearing a certain type of clothing (for instance wearing or not wearing white to one's wedding)? The author tends to contradict him/herself regarding whether or not clothing does, indeed, "make the person." I would submit that it is not so much the clothing that makes a person, but the inherent judgement accompanying the clothing that "makes the person." In fact, it is more likely the attitude of the person regarding the judgements he/she receives regarding the clothing he/she wears that will make the person. In any case, these are the issues that could have make this essay much more informative, and interesting, as opposed to the mere summary of what most people already know and encounter--that they are likely to be judged in our society based on the clothing they wear.
    • 27/02/2005
    • 21:01:42
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • A good start...

    This essay is a good start to a more detailed analysis of love versus infatuation. It seems, however, to be based soley on the speculation of the author, since there are no sources cited. Mechanics are crucial to any essay, and this one has a number of mechanical errors (spelling, grammer, punctuation, etc.) These could be easily identified using a good word processor (such as MS Word.) There are also some points that should be considered more carefully. For instance, the idea of love as completely self-less is not widely accepted in the philosophical or psychological world. (Consider, for example, the idea of psychological egoism.) The author states that infatuation is "very short lived." I would suggest one consider the idea of obsessions, which are a form of infatuation, but which can be very long lasting (albiet, similarly maladaptive.) For more on the differences between love and obsession (infatuation), I would recommend a book by Dr. Susan Forward entitled, "Is it love, or is it obsession."
    • 27/02/2005
    • 20:47:04
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Interesting, but need gramatical help

    There was some interesting information in this article, although there were some points where the author seemed to digress from providing information into preaching about how to keep yourself safe. This essay could definately benefit from some gramatical cleanup, specifically subject/verb agreement and run-on sentences. Also, third from last paragraph states that "We will discuss copyright and fair use policy in another page." However, I don't see it discussed anywhere. (Side note, the "royal We" used in that sentence didn't really fit well in this paper.)
    • 19/02/2005
    • 15:00:54
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.