User Details For: Georgiamarie

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  • Great piece!

    Great persuasive essay. I agree with your stance wholeheartedly. I think a lot of current laws need to be rewritten to accurately fit the deed or situation especially those relating to underage sex, rape, adult/minor relationships, abortions, teenage pregnancy and homosexuality.Thank you for sharing this great essay. It was well written and conveniently structured. You positioned your readers well, and subtly encouraged them to adopt your way of thinking (the true art of a persuasive essay). Congrats!
    • 24/08/2005
    • 02:18:51
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Alright content, but writing could be improved

    The subject matter of this essay was dealt with well, and structured appropriately. Your analysis flowed progessrively and was an easy read.However, I find the quality of writing to be lacking slightly. Many ideas or phrases are repeated, or sentences were littered with unneccesary additional words that did nothing but add to the length.A meticulous proofread, and a thesaurus may have helped in elevating the writing quality slightly. I am not encouraging you to write flowery or with great verbosity, but the standard you demonstrate in this essay is something I have come to expect of either Grade 10 "A-" students, or Grade 13 "C+" students.I hope I am not offending you. You must not take this review as a personal attack. I am merely trying to offer suggestions for future works. Writing in a style and tone that reflects the subject matter is crucial when it comes to being 'professional' so a little bit of added sophistication would have gone a long way with this essay.Having said that, I DID find the actual content to be very useful. Thanks for sharing it!
    • 24/08/2005
    • 02:08:05
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Brilliant!

    Very solid essay, with great evidence to support your opinions. I am totally of the same opinion and feel that your essay was very persuasive.You know there's something wrong with the world when you can open a bank account and get a free gun with it (as demonstrated in Michael Moore's 'Bowling for Columbine'.)Congrats on a good read. :D
    • 12/07/2005
    • 07:32:08
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Good start....

    This sound like the start to an interesting short story. However, JUST the start. There is no middle (in fact, the middle just begin as she chucks away her sandwich) and most certainly no end.Perhaps you were attempting to 'leave the ending open for interpretation' but for that to happen, you at least need to take the story fully through the Beginning stage, the Middle stage and even start heading into the Ending stage, before ending on the cliffhanger or equivocal final sentence.Cute set up though. Shame it doesn't follow though.
    • 12/07/2005
    • 07:27:00
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
  • Bravo!

    Wow a very well thought out and interesting essay. The points brough are are certainly enlightening, and like suerra I have meen motivated to research this topic myself.Good use of vocabulary and sentence flow. Simple yet sophisticated structure and once again - great content!
    • 12/07/2005
    • 06:46:06
    • Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.