My feelings on the death penalty are irrelevant. The essay itself is what needs to be critiqued. The grammar in this essay was, for lack of a better word, atrocious. It is difficult to believe this was written for a college level course. There isn't a real position to work with and the thesis of the paper (or lack thereof) is extremely weak. Your ideas lack direction and the sophistication necessary for college level work. Your lapse in style and diction puts your paper in jeopardy in the grading process when compared to other students at the undergraduate level. Please revise this paper as quickly as possible, as it would be deserving of a grade no higher than a D.
- 04/10/2007
- 23:49:38
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
People who choose to comment on this essay: Please consider that this person is in 6th grade. By this time, citing isn't as big of a necessity. From a sixth grader, I will still expect to see essays written in everyday, simplistic language. I even read college essays written in vernacular, everyday rhetoric. The student should improve on his or her structure and grammar. However, the rest of the paper was factual - if not a regurgitation of an elementary science textbook.
- 17/10/2005
- 12:48:15
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The writer has made several claims but little to no attempt at backing the claim with evidence from scientific journals and texts. The writer claims that "most" abortions take place after three months of gestation - where is that published? We are not given statistics, medical expertise - we're not even given a doctor's name. Let's look at this logistically and not for what it really is - an emotionally driven political statement. "Every year in America, over 1,000,000 murders never reach the courtroom. They never reach the courtroom because they are completely legal by ways of abortion" - if they were legal - then it's NOT murder. Let's be logical here. If you claim that murder is illegal - and it is, and then you say that 1 million "murders" never reach the courtroom because it IS legal, what are you saying? You're contradicting yourself. If you can't say what you mean, then you will never mean what you say.Next, "What people don't seem to realize is that people are killing an innocent human being" - what is the scientific basis on this? Do you have any medical journals that quote when a fetus becomes sentient? Please be more specific. Here's where it becomes more of an emotional appeal - rather than a logical, sound argument: "No matter what anyone believes, it is a human being, and the mother shouldn't have the right to kill it if she doesn't want it". So no matter what I believe, it's human - only YOU are right? I don't think so. It doesn't work that way. If you are right, prove it. Back your claims with appropriate evidence in your writing. You completely fail to do this. I do not see a single reference in your entire essay. I actually believe that abortions shouldn't be made unless it is absolutely necessary - but I have reasons I can support. This paper makes anyone who is strongly against abortion as a means of birth control look bad. Papers like these suggest that we are only capable of emotional dribble and that we shouldn't be trusted with a potato gun. If you want things to change, use facts - use testimony - use research. If all you can say in your entire paper is "it's wrong! it's wrong! it's wrong! so nah! I'm right and you're wrong!" then you're not only unsuccessful in argumentative prose, but you will completely fail to appeal to any kind of audience, save for mindless drones who fall for emotional appeals - which is unfortunately, most highschool students.
- 17/10/2005
- 12:41:25
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
In no way was there an indication that this essay was to be formally written. With that in mind, we must examine the nature of the essay, it's purpose and how effectively and efficiently the author has revealed his or her purpose. The target audience is NOT in academia - if the target audience were professors (or any grader for that matter), I am sure the author would have made appropriate attributions to text, references and regurgitated facts (as you will find most research papers are all about). However, there is no indication that there was such an "assignment". Therefore, the reader must assume that Kier has written this peice out of pleasure - or any other reason BUT to be graded and scrutinized under an academic's eye.First of all, judging by the way Kier writes, I would have to say he or she is a competent writer. He or she demonstrates a varied vocabulary, a strong rhetorical strategy, a keen eye for detail and insight, a complex and mature syntactical regime and effective, lucid transitions. Bearing this in mind, I highly doubt Kier would have forgotten the basic elements of compisition - abandoning all of those cogent, fresh arguments that make a paper sound and a pleasure to read - to turn in an ill-formatted abortion you, dear Zethro, consider to be good writing. I agree that academic, formal papers should have an introduction with a thesis, body paragraphs with support to any claim made in the thesis, and a conclusion that specifically unifies all concepts discussed in the paper to an over-all universal concept - an idea that can and should inspire a great deal of thought. To criticize Kier for not adhering to the basic, formulaic forms of writing is to put writers like Kier, who have honed their skills over time to produce excellent-quality work without being judged by a discerning eye, in jeopardy in terms of what is acceptable writing. Kier's writing is superior, and thus, does not necessarily need to adhere to such banal, mechanical dribble most freshmen college essayists are TAUGHT to write. I am sure if Kier needed to write this essay for a professor, he or she would not start the essay with "In this essay, I intend ...". It would put his or her paper at jeopardy when being measured and compared against other competent writers. Zethro, if you truly paid attention to the author's ability to write, do you truly think the author would throw the basic elements of rhetorical composition out of the window? Please think about it
- 03/10/2005
- 13:05:51
- Score: 7 out of 26 people found this comment useful.
The link to this essay implied that this was a research paper. However, little evidence is given that this even remotely resembles a research paper. Where are the sources? Where are the facts? The writer provides a fictional testimony. This testimony depends on manipulating emotions and to evoke sympathy for the subject. It does not work. Research is supposed to provide enough information for the reader to make a well-informed decision about the subject matter under discussion. If it is an argumentative paper, the writer should offer facts, resources and ample data to support his or her claim.
- 20/09/2005
- 16:52:22
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
When a writer makes a claim, he/she should be sure to provide ample support for his arguments. If a writer believes a reader should feel or think a certain way, he/she should explain why. For example, the writer's statement, "In comparison, the poem "Warning" does not imply anything to the reader about what the poem is about. However, as the title is ambiguous, it makes the reader want to read the poem to find out what it is about.", is completely subjective. When I read the essay, I had several ideas about what "Warning" meant, even if I hadn't read the poem. "Warning", in this context, if I were to compare it to "Still I Rise", would mean something to me. Perhaps a vision of things to come. Perhaps inciting change to bring about progress. Or perhaps if I DON'T change, things will remain the same and stagnant. "Warning" actually implies MANY things. According to the writer, it implies nothing. Poetry is nothing BUT implication. Once that is understood, it will be easier for the writer to arrange his/her arguments in such a way that he/she can make cogent, fresh insights about his/her subject matter. That is, the writer will be able to better explain to the reader why it is important to study such masterful works. The Writer will explain not only what the poems mean, but how they are meaningful!In the conclusion, the writer hints at how the poems are meaningful, but lacks the candor and finesse found in good writing. "The two poems differ, in the fact that in "Still I Rise", the woman wants to break the stereotypes, and oppression. However, in "Warning" the woman would much rather conform to the stereotypes, even though she does not want to." suggests the writer understands a need for a thematic quality ("the woman wants to break the stereotypes and oppression"). However, the writer never finishes the job. The writer fails to reveal why it is important to change. The writer fails to connect the two poems in a thematic, universal and unified idea. Instead, the writer regurgitates what the poems mean and how the author of the poems convey these meanings through literary devices. Although it is important to recognize the varied techniques and author chooses to use to create style, it is insignificant if it cannot be linked to an overarching theme. An author uses these devices to enhance meaning, to reveal an attitude or tone, or suggest a message - a change in this case. Can a reader honestly believe that although the author of "Warning" wrote about an old woman who conforms to stereotypes, that the author actually SUGGESTS we should conform to stereotypes? Absolutely not. "Why" do you ask? Because of the context in which the title "Warning" is used. THAT's WHY.Hopefully, the next paper will be able to bridge commentary with quotes from the text with a statement as to WHY the text is meaningful.
- 14/09/2005
- 12:53:56
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Although I understand the assignment was a mere literary response, theme is always an important factor to discuss in any type of paper explicating, analyzing or interpreting poetry. As a matter of fact, unless a writer focuses his or her paper on theme, he or she is merely regurgitating (even if it is paraphrased) what he or she just read.You give us quotes from the poem and make appropriate interpretations. However, you do not analyze these interpretations - in other words, you reveal what the poem means and not how it is meaningful. You interpret, but you do not analyze. Poems are extremely complexed, and a writer must dig deep to find each implication to link it BACK to the purpose or theme. There is a reason why people write poetry. Whether it is for pleasure, therapy, education or any other reason, poetry is always complexed. Too much must be conveyed in too few words. Your response reveals old ideas in everyday language. What most people look for are fresh, cogent, insightful ideas in effective and erudite language.
- 13/09/2005
- 09:45:09
- Score: 0 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
Your paper is about a subject with much controversy and importance. The events of the Holocaust, one of the darkest times in human history, is being unraveled through the eyes a young boy. Sure, his perspectives will change. However, it is through devastation and horror do we finally appreciate what we used to have. In your essay you mention the physical and emotional changes Elie endures. However, you fail to mention the impact this has on the novel as a whole. In other words, although I see a purpose and a theme, the changes Elie faces are never linked back to that theme. For example, your thesis: "His identity is changed to the point where he becomes a number, he has to change his way of thinking in order to survive, he experiences a major faith shift, and the relationship he has with his father changes dramatically." suggests your paper will reveal his loss of humanity and innocence, faith, and family. However, I fail to see how these changes are important to the novel as a whole. Why should the reader care that one boy lost everything he had? A more theme derived thesis might be: Elie, after witnessing the brutality of war, transforms into a man, as he begins to question his faith, adapt for survival, and care for his father during their darkest hour to champion the strifes and tribulations of a power that seeks their ultimate destruction. That is a thesis which reveals theme. After strenthening your thesis, your paper will naturally flow to support WHY it is important to champion these strifes - for survival. These changes Elie goes through helps his survivability, thus making him into a man.
- 06/09/2005
- 12:42:50
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
First of all, many writers, even among the educated, misconstrue the meaning of analysis and interpretation. Most writers consider the two to be synonymous and that they can be used interchangably. This simply isn't true.Analyzing a text means to break it apart, line by line - whether it be prose, poetry, fiction or non-fiction, in order to find the meaning of the work as a WHOLE. In other words, an analysis will reveal the THEME of the work under scrutiny.Interpretation is when the reader takes a bit of text and summarizes it in the vernacular. Whether the text contains metaphors, similies, hyperbole, or it's just plain convoluted or old english, it is summarized in a way so that the average reader will be able to understand it. Basically, interpretation is a simplistic way of simplifying an obscure, convoluted text. Priests interpret the bible, translators interpret languages, students interpret lines from Shakespeare. Notice I haven't mentioned anything about meaning. Explaining what the text MEANS (interpretation) is hardly comparable to explaining how the text is MEANINGFUL (analysis).With this being said, let's take a look at the essay above. First, the thesis is weak. Remember, this is a character ANALYSIS. This means the paper should be about investigating the character's traits, how those traits shape him or her, and how these traits provide a LINK to the meaning of the work as a whole (THEME). For example, the writer's thesis: "He is a deranged individual, full of envy, who wants to cause chaos and pain", reveals the character's traits (deranged, full of envy) and how they shape him as a villian (who wants to cause chaos and pain). However, the thesis does not have a purpose - a statement where a theme can be derived. This is very integral in facilitating a character analysis. A better thesis might be: "Iago is a deranged individual whose lust for revenge and manipulation causes so much strife in Othello's life that he distorts the Moor's moral judgement." In my thesis, I have identified the subject (Iago), his traits (deranged, lust for revenge and manipulation), how they shape him as a villain (causes so much strife in Othello's life ...) and how these traits effect a major theme in literature (the abandonment of reason for passion). THAT is a proper thesis statement for a character analysis. What we get is a character sketch and interpretations of key lines, which reveal certain attributes about the character in question, but in no way illuminates why it is important to the drama as a whole. Remember - the reader should care about the subject matter. A writer cannot convince a reader his or her subject is important if he or she never reveals how or why. Analysis reveals the how or why. Interpretation simply reveals the text in simpler form.
- 31/08/2005
- 21:42:17
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This is an example of a poorly written essay. Your vocabulary is simplistic and monotonous. The structure, while basically correct in organization, provides little transition from one point to the next. An essay of this quality represents a mere skeletal development and understanding of a general idea. In other words, your commentary is insufficient to make a cogent, strong argument. There are several lapses in diction, structure and mechanics throughout the paper. Your language oftentimes is trite, mundane and empty. The entire essay is riddled with punctuation, spelling and usage errors. Failure to communicate your position in an effective, efficient manner places your paper in jeopardy during the grading process. Because your essay is marred by errors in the basic elements of rhetoric and composition, the highest grade offered for this piece of prose should be a D. A D paper represents skeletal development, trite and empty language, weaknesses in the basic elements of writing, little to no commentary on the subject under discussion and failure to efficiently communicate key points under analysis. There are even three errors in the final sentence of your paper: "But it is really safe, and we don't have to worry as long as the sun keep on shining". First, a comma is not required after "safe". Secondly, there should be an "s" after "keep" to make "keeps" - this word will make the sentence grammatically correct. Finally, there should be a period "." at the end of the sentence. These errors are representative of the majority of the lapses in style previously discussed. A basic mastery of all of the areas of composition listed above will increase your letter grade substantially - to at least a C. Good luck on your next paper.
- 25/08/2005
- 10:42:37
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
There are a few errors in this essay. For example, "Joy and sorrow, love and hate, pleasure and pain, success and failure, guild and redemption are all inextricably intertwinced as part of the human experience, each making the alternative possible", the words "guild" and "intertwinced" should be changed to "guilt" and "intertwined" respectively. Also, "June finally understand her mother's meaning (Tan 236)", the word "understand" should be "understands". Another error, "Many years later, the birthday offer surprises June, feling the offer was a "sign of forgiveness, a tremendous burden removed" (Tan 154)", the word "feling" should be "feeling". Again, "I knew I could not refuse ... that's the way Chinese mothers show they love their children, not through hugs and kisses but with stern offereings of [food]," June recalls (232)", the word "offereings" should be "offerings". In the following sentence, "This poignant moment is halted as the generational and cultural conflict between suyuan and June intensifies during the crab dinner", the name "suyuan" should be capitalized to "Suyuan". And yet another error, "Before reaching a blissful state of certainty, the pleasure of a life-altering epiphany, June engage in destructive fights with her mother, ending in her embarrassment and Suyuan's loss of hope.", the word "engage" should be "engages". Finally, "Suyuan remains a cultural alien in AMerica because she is a first generation immigrant from mainland China", the word "AMerica" should be, of course, "America". These are the typos I've identified thus far. I'm sure there are more, but I was in quite a hurry when I typed the entire essay. I'm surprised I didn't make more than I did.
- 23/08/2005
- 22:11:26
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This is a good start to an A paper. The ideas and the way they are presented in your essay represent a more than competent understanding of the text. Besides being almost free of mechanical errors, the paper delivers substantial information and makes cogent, fresh arguments - that is, in both quality and interest-value. Its specific points are logically ordered, somewhat developed, and supported, and unified around a clear organizing scheme that is apparent early in the paper. Your thesis, "Through the effective use of all three of these tools, this poem conveys a strong meaning and persuasive argument," is underdeveloped and lacks the specificity of a strong, more concise idea. You demonstrate a strong, varied, and sophisticated literary vocabulary (diction, figurative language, metaphors, similies and imagery). The paper's relatively few syntactic, usage, and mechanical errors do not seriously detract from the main focus, but the language, while neither trite nor bureaucratic, lacks the candor and precision of the most memorable writing. Its transitions, while appropriate ("The poem's use of excellent diction helps to ...", "Likewise, the use of figurative language in this poem also ...", "The most important means of developing the effectiveness of the poem is ..."), emphasize the logical turnings of the writer's mind, making the reader occasionally more aware of the efforts taken to unify and control an idea than of the idea itself. Directly quoted lines are integrated into the text with appropriate attribution and commentary. By commentary, I mean a discussion of how the appropriate textual support provides meaning ("Words like "guttering", "choking", and "drowning" not only show how the man is suffering, but that he is in terrible pain that no human being should endure"). This paper, although adequately analyzing the brutality of war and its repercussions, lapses in analysis or in sufficient commentary - those cogent comments that connect proof to meaning and support of the thesis. Overall, this paper provides enough support and analysis worthy of a B. This essay is of a good quality, but with more improvement on word choice, syntax and commentary, this essay will be of excellent quality. Well done.
- 23/08/2005
- 14:11:22
- Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
This essay is a good START to a well-rounded, defined and polished essay. Your language, while neither trite nor bureaucratic, lacks the candor and specificity found in the most memorable peices of writing. Lapses in style, diction and structure are kept to a minimum and your examples are tied to the text with appropriate attribution(which is greatly appreciated). You relate the theme to your thesis in a very generalized, yet competent fashion. Your conclusion marks a universal theme which recapitulates the thesis in a very appropriate context. All commentary is sufficiently linked back to the meaning of the novel as a whole. This paper is marred by very few syntax and/or mechanical errors. Overall, this paper was a pleasure to read. After reading this essay, I found myself to be somewhat better informed than I would have otherwise been. Your command over the basic elements of compositional writing along with your stylistic maturity makes the reader feel as if his/her time was a consideration to the author. Please keep up the good work, as your essay is a great starting point for a refined, concise and polished paper.
- 22/08/2005
- 14:58:05
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.