There is no thesis. Lots of run on sentences, and it does not flow very well. It is not worth throwing out; I could see this being very helpful if this is your topic to be covered. Just spend the time to make it better.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:49:22
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This is a good paper. Well structured and good use of evidence to support his thesis. One of the only papers I have reviewed, that I would not have to really edit and change a lot and still feel like I would get an A. Good Stuff.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:43:55
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I would not use first person in the opening paragraph. In the rest he seems to limit the use of I but I would get rid of it totally. All in all pretty good content.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:26:23
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I would want to see the works cited page for this so I know if it is credible but it is interesting. I also would replace the ? marks in the first paragraph with , commas. But not bad at all.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:20:20
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
However I think for grade school level work that this would be expectable. Even then I would still suggest combining some of the paragraphs. It feels like it is not well organized and is using fluff to try to increase the size of the small paper. It is not a bad start but as it is I would not recommend using it.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:12:49
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I don't see how this could be helpful to anyone but the one who had wrote it. Unless you are in the same circumstances, a young man who has a new daughter and whose father had passed when you were young. It was not a bad read, and was well written, however I don't see this being helpful to anyone else.
- 11/12/2006
- 11:02:53
- Score: 2 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
I feel that in the second paragraph could go more in-depth on why they feed brain and muscle tissue to the cattle. That was interesting and probably fairly unknown to the public. There are a few run-on sentences for example the fourth paragraph and a 4 line long sentence that could be turned into at least 2 well developed sentences. But it is an interesting article. It also needs to be cited. And the article needs a date, so the reader knows how current this is.
- 11/12/2006
- 10:54:39
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
There are very few errors grammatically, and the content is pretty good. The errors I did see should be caught by spell check though. Like the t capitalized in The, which is located on the third from last paragraph. But all in all not bad.
- 11/12/2006
- 10:43:55
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
However you need to be cautious of run on sentences, and a few extra word errors. For example the last sentence in the opening paragraph. It is somewhat hard to read but the content is good. I have had several PR classes and nothing conflicts with what I have learned. So all in all a good piece of work just, spend the 20 minutes necessary to edit this work. Still better than writing the whole thing from scratch.
- 10/12/2006
- 18:57:29
- Score: 6 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
I liked this paper it was interesting and made good use of biblical quotes. It provided evidence of real thought and not just cutting and pasting information. I liked it.
- 10/12/2006
- 18:44:23
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
I feel that this entire paper is stretching to make the point of schizophrenia. It would be better if it were fleshed out more. If I was looking for a short paper that looks like it was thrown together in under and hour then this would be the one. No original thought just cutting small segments that he hopes will support a definition.
- 10/12/2006
- 18:19:51
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I think that this is a realist look at life and how it has to do with development of innovations and how it affects values, yet I feel the conclustion is weak.
- 10/12/2006
- 18:08:28
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.