Although your personal experiences are cute and sentimental, you should try and make them seem objective and non-personal when writing to make it more convincing. Instead of "I noticed" you can use "From personal observation." Apart from that, I feel it was very well written.
- 23/02/2009
- 16:00:24
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Overall, I felt the essay was concise and insightful. The only problem I noticed was the title, "Team based management is essential for better organizational control. However introducing team based management is not possible without affecting the structure and culture of an organization." I felt it was too long, and almost like a quote from your essay. I would shorten it to a more appropriate length.
- 23/02/2009
- 15:52:44
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I feel your introduction and arguments seem to be a mixture of a narrative and arguments, making it unclear what type of essay I am reading. You need to analyze the events more than retell them.
- 23/02/2009
- 15:49:45
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I felt you did not add enough of your own analysis and only described informations and facts about Walgreens, creating a weak, if any, argument.
- 23/02/2009
- 15:36:49
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Although your idea sand arguments are interesting, innovative, and compelling, your writing style did not convince me.I noticed you used personal pronouns, such as "our" and "we". Although "we" depending on the teacher, may be acceptable to use, "our" is never acceptable in a non-personal essay.As well, the title suggests this is a position paper on Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth, but it does not quote or cite, or even dismiss Al Gore's arguments directly. The title should be changed to something clearer.Overall, a decent job, but it could have been better.
- 23/02/2009
- 15:34:30
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The author of this essay uses a variety of professional and highly academic sources. As well, the writing style is superb. Overall, a very good job.
- 23/02/2009
- 15:22:42
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Your ideas are rather insightful, and you cited everything properly. Overall, you did a wonderful job!
- 17/02/2009
- 16:26:38
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I noticed you used the word "we" in your essay. Although some teachers find the use of the word acceptable, others do not, so be careful about when you use the worse. As well, I noticed the incorrect use of commas occasionally. As well, it is often considered weak to say "This paper highlights . . ." or something similar.One the other hand, you do have wonderful ideas.
- 17/02/2009
- 16:25:06
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Although the essay topic is rather specific, I felt you did a great job. You've clearly proven that Life of Pi by Yann Martel follows aesthic theory.
- 19/05/2008
- 15:45:49
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.