I have to say you brought up some good points and your sources are from reputable books and it really shows that you just didn't stop at websites. It looks like you've really done your research because I can't get over how many different points you've made, those books must've had a truck-load of information or your general knowledge must be superb.On another note your conclusion lacks that extra little push that makes the reader take a step back and say,'wow'. I know I emphasize on the conclusion a lot but I believe it is the most important part of the essay because a weak conclusion can mean pushing your grade down, now matter how good the inside text is.Also, perhaps having one strong point that you can write in detail about would help add more body to the text to because what I'm finding here is what looks like a list of events with no further investigation.I know I'm contradicting myself with the statement I made earlier about lots of points but I'm not saying it was lacking information rather lacking further detail on your existing information.Now that that's out of the way its opinion time.Coming from my personal views I have always been for Nuclear power. The shortage of power in the whole of Australia (particularly the West) have been evident over the past few years with the major power corporations not been able to supply the demand given the rapid population growth Given the fact that Australia has 40 percent of the Worlds uranium and the whole outback to set up there experiments away from families, all I can say is, why not? The Chernobyl disaster was a way of learning from our mistakes and I'm sure, being as technology sophisticated as we are these mistakes would very rarely ever occur again. So I don't see why there is so much fuss over Nuclear power and the people who are against it (such as which you have stated) are living a lifetime ago.I'd like to hear your views given you have looked in depth in this topic.Best Regards,James.
- 22/10/2007
- 05:24:49
- Score: 7 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
I just wish to say this had the potential of a great essay yet it needs to be refined to be classed as one. I may only be 13 but I believe I can see numerous problems that need to be corrected.First of all I cannot take the amount of opinion that is in this essay, even the title holds so much opinion. May I suggest a rhetorical title such as, Christianity. Do you follow the bible literally?Even priests have said not to take the bible to literally as we and the world us have evolved and so changes must be made, that is the reason why these passages are so contradictory, I heard one passage a while ago about Women should be separated from the tribe once a month to keep everyone in harmony. Not exactly practical now but back when it was first written I'm sure it went down like a charm.Proper English and grammar can get you so far and I urge strongly for you to use it.Jamekae: Thou shall not be so one sided.State a few sentences at least that are against your views then shoot them down just so people know that there is more than one side to this debate.Endings are supposed to emphasize your point the most but your one isn't doing much for me.Hope you take what I have written into consideration. It may sound like endless waffling but I'm sure you get the point. I'll give you a yellow because it has so much potential as I stated before.Best Regards,Jamekae
- 21/10/2007
- 04:34:13
- Score: 9 out of 12 people found this comment useful.
Quite ironic you posted it on a site like this given the topic you are covering.I just wish to point out that the rhetorical question used at the end is a brilliant way to lead the reader (teacher in this case)into a thought which has no answer. This I have learnt from experience is a great way to nab a teachers attention. Yet I believe a longer conclusion would've been extra icing on the cake.I do agree with Sarah on the grammar yet you strongly put the message across which is the whole point of an essay! Keep up the good work.Best regards, Jamekae
- 21/10/2007
- 04:08:41
- Score: 7 out of 8 people found this comment useful.