Nice Job, but please watch out for passive voice words: is-were-was-when-be-been-being. They will make an essay sound less exiting. Another thing, when you go into college, they will ask you to eliminate ALL passive voice words so it's good practice!
- 12/12/2007
- 04:34:38
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This essay has been very well done, just make sure you watch out for passive voice words, suchas is-were-was-when-be-been-being... all those words can make an essay sound boring; hence "passive voive" not "active voice"!
- 10/12/2007
- 06:36:18
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You need to add more than just one and a half paragraphs.... There is a lot more to talk about with The Piano Lesson.... you could talk about the "American Dream" or even the Ghost....
- 15/11/2007
- 03:41:32
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Very nice essay, the collapse of the American Dream is a very good topic to write about...Only one suggestion though, any really good essay does not contain passive voice words: by passive voice words, I mean: is, were, was, been, being, etc. You need to eliminate them because passive voice words make an essay sound boring and dull!
- 14/11/2007
- 03:11:24
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
The essay in general is pretty well constructed, but you need to eliminate the passive voice words: is, were, been, being, was, etc.
- 13/11/2007
- 07:57:35
- Score: 1 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
I would agree that video games shouldn't be banned, but I also agree young children are often influenced by violent video games; so the question is not "Should violent video games be banned", but rather, to whom violent video games should be banned....Nice topic but what out for your use of passive voice words: is, were, was, been, being, etc. It will brighten up your essay leaving it "sound" more exciting!!!
- 13/11/2007
- 03:17:06
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Very interesting topic, although I would compare the two topics, college and high school, with something that can be related to; such as a high school being similar to a JAIL!Another thing, reword all the sentences that have passive voice words; is, were been, being, was, etc. It will make your paper seem a lot more exciting!
- 13/11/2007
- 03:10:34
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You make a good point, but an essay should be related towards a particular theme, perhaps making a thematic statement which is presented by many individuals. :)
- 09/11/2007
- 08:23:51
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
The topic of Macbeth being a tragic hero is very good! I suggest leaving out the passive voice words though: is were been being, words like that.
- 09/11/2007
- 07:10:11
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
I don't want to be harsh but you're missing a lot of information. You make a great point but you don't prove it very well. Your quotes should be added into the essay along with the idea. You should always describe, in your own words, what is happening in the quote; who is speaking, what the speaker is talking about, what event(s) are happening. Not only that, any good essay will have quotes from critics. By quotes from critics, I mean quotes from published books which have critics basically saying the same thing you are...I hope I've helped!-Mdkcheatz-
- 09/11/2007
- 07:07:04
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
is, were, been, being, was, when, and research on the rest!
- 08/11/2007
- 07:55:00
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
The essay is full of passive voice words, which are considered grammar mistakes in any good high school or college.
- 08/11/2007
- 07:52:01
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This is very good, but it would be even better if there were some specific quotes to back the information up... just a suggestion.
- 08/11/2007
- 07:08:01
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.