User Details For: Shingajo

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  • People seldom stand up for what they stand for

    First of, the title is vague - it contradicts itself and is therefore meaningless. A better title would be ''Why is it that the majority of people refuse to pursue their beliefs''There are grammatical errors. You should avoid slang by all means, especially since your topic is an analysis of society.The second paragraph in particular is vague, you are supposed to convince your audience - which would be everyone. Therefore you can't assume that everyone read ''The Crucible'' and have to explain more. When you started to mentions using volts on learners, I had no idea (and still don't) what you meant. You must write such that the reader's first read-through is coherent.As for your argument; I don't agree. Most people don't plan to become popular - if they were, you'd see competition everywhere - in every job, at every school, in every college and that isn't the case. If you'd go out and ask people whether they plan on becoming popular - most of them would give you a ''no''. And this trait of belonging to a group is only apparent after childhood, since that is when the neurones develop into a society-craving mind set.As for your second paragraph, I disagree completely. You stated ''people will obey authority simply because they are the authority and won't do the right thing because the authority told them what the right thing is'' - then what about all the protesters and rebels that lead revolutions to oppose the authority? What about murderers that storm schools and kill teachers - do they follow authority? Negative.
    • 06/04/2008
    • 01:58:22
    • Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
  • Kazakhstan essay.

    There are few errors in grammar and vocabulary. The first person ''I'' is always spelt in capital. The opening sentence is vague; when describing the location of a country don't say that the country is ''in Central Asia and Europe'' - it's either one or the other since these are two completely different regions. A better way of phrasing this would be something like ''Kazakhstan is predominantly located in central Asia with a small area of land owned west of the Urals''Avoid slang when writing an area/country study - ''their flag is basically a yellow eagle...'' - the study is meant to be formal and informative so accuracy is crucial.
    • 02/04/2008
    • 09:02:52
    • Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.