User Details For: classwar783

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  • Damn Fine Essay

    Sweet jesus I like it. Really well organize, great bibliography, reads well, what else can I say?the german willingness to use war to gain what it wanted directly sprouts from the writing of german philosopher neitzsche's Beyond Good and Evil. check it out, it's the white beast.... literally.
    • 13/03/2003
    • 14:25:04
    • Score: 8 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • Decent paper, but Im not sure if it's an essay, an interview, a report or what. all in all it stacks up to not much of any of them.

    not terribly impressive writing, but personal touch and family info add a sense of ernest to the writing. I'd say you need to work on style to be successful in upper education. I appologize for the neutral rating I gave you, as I failed to note that you are still in highschool. I will have to make it up to you later with numerous comments and help. Good for highschool, but your product will have to improve greatly to be successful beyond that (at least at a competetive university. That would get luaghed at by a professor from USC).
    • 12/03/2003
    • 21:12:32
    • Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • A & What?

    What is A&P? It's probably not in the assignment but maybe onther sentence on A&P and a bit on it's size, age of archetecture, or other things like that would be helpful for non-local readersOverall, good essay with good analysis of common day goings-on. Also, keep in mind that there are two kinds of capitalism. Upper class capitalism, and everyone elses capitalism. Elite's do not follow rules, they bend rules to serve their own interest. You mention middle class, and capitalism, but perhaps a distinction between two ideas of capitalism would say more about the town, the store and middle america.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 21:04:08
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Good job

    great 10th grade paper. I'd reccomend a thesis, or more specific message about your analysis and what conclusions you draw from the analysis. Good analysis of symbolism, allusion, and other literary tools-of-the-trade
    • 12/03/2003
    • 20:54:58
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • One more thing, one more thing

    good thought: in the future, perhaps explain how you can relate to that character, or what other factor it is that causes this book to be one of the greatest books you've ever read.once again, good summary.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 20:50:52
    • Score: 4 out of 4 people found this comment useful.
  • Good essay for 10th grade, but grab yourself a thesis

    good job for 10th grade. You could say a lot more about the story with some sort of a thesis. pick one more specific aspect of a character, story, or some theme, and analyze it. maybe look for any trends you could compare to some situation that is relevent now, or at the time the story takes place.You have some good english skills which will help you as a writer, but now it's time for you to say something. A thesis will allow you to excell above other students in your classes by centralizing your message and supporting it with evidence and analysis from the novel. Forget everything I said if you were instructed not to have a thesis, but this paper is classified as an essay.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 20:47:57
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • I'd give it a check plus

    decent paper with easy to follow logic but sometimes historical accuracy is omitted for the sake of making an argument. what does your paper bring to us that the only work cited cannot? I don't see much except for a few hypotheticals and anecdotes.also, may be good to discuss the US war on... did I say on? oh silly me, I should have said IN the middle east. *cough cough*anyway, how do these new wartime conditions effect possible tourism in egypt both during, and maybe make a few predictions on the situation after the conflict is over (if ever).
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:56:04
    • Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • A few clarifications

    12 hour work day and dangerous conditions are not the only harms during the industrial revolution. Families that once supported by father's using skilled labour and mastry of a craft were forced to lose that craft. this is demeaning to families, for not only is pride lost, but so is family structure. children were forced to work doing the same repetitious labor as their mothers, as well as their fathers, but most factories forced women, men, and children to work seperately.also, while Andrew Carnegie became terribly rich, 1000's of people who once could support thier families found themselves falling further and further into poverty. The hard work of those laborers did more to make factory owners rich than any other factor except for greed and expliotation.also keep in mind that it isn't taking chances that makes you money, but having money. poor people were FORCED to work for factories because factory owners controlled the only means of production. with no option but to work for a factory, workers were then payed unfair wages. There was no reward for hard work of the working class.pretty bad essay, opening sentence makes less gramatical sense than this ranting comment.p.s. we also can't forget how hard business owners worked (and work) to keep workers from organizing their interest group and gaining power as unified workers. Unions were made legal in the US in 1935 but as soon as they began to show any sort of power, congress (mainly business men and other greedy bourgoisie) passed the 1947 taft-hartly act that limited a number of powers of unions, including prohibiting political donations made by labor unions. notice that coperations (business owners, elite, bourgoisie) can still make HUGE contributions to political campaigns.in effect, the industrial revolution served as a turning point for social reform stemming from the french revolution: just as the poor masses (majority) began to organize their voice, the elite class finds ways to change the system for their own benefit. The rich get richer, and the poor do the REAL work.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:50:12
    • Score: 10 out of 10 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Essay, but it is nearsighted and ethnocentric.

    patriotism, throughout history, has been considered negatively because patriotism is a term that applies toward blind, or unfounded nationalism. You can be proud of the US for whatever reasons you may have, but keep in mind that UNTILL recently the word was used with greatly different meaning. the word changed meaning because of it's use in the american media which is not objective. the media benefits promoting support of wars other violence because it improves programming's ratings. by promoting an ethnocentric view of american politics, refuting any non-war arguments with VERY strong rhetoric to marginalize liberalism, and re-spinning the word patriot in a positive light the media serves to use it's influential powers to sway the populus on issues it stands to profit from.for everyone:open your eyes, not with one-sightedness, but with objective, educated, multi-cultural analysis of issues, interests, and consequences.good paper, but it shows only examples of information from media propaganda which is anything but objective. a bit more, reserach of past, you would find that the word patriot does not reflect your self-proclaimed diversity and objective multi-cultural analysis of current issues.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:34:16
    • Score: 7 out of 7 people found this comment useful.
  • Good Paper, Well based in fact

    well written with good hook. lots of facts to show signs of solid research. Perhaps the inclusions of citations for sources of facts would make the essay, though high in quality, appear unwaveringly credible. great effort
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:12:36
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • Well written but needs sources

    you can't write a history paper without sources or citations, but forget about that for a second.perhaps to delve deeper into the subject one could look at the progression described in relation to the corperate music industry, and their actions to promote, sustain, block, or destroy various musical movements and expressions. how do these distribution issues apply to the advancement of music as an art?
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:08:38
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • A bit more from me

    Overall good writing though, as Im guessing this paper was assigned for a rhetoric class. Very persuasive, but a counter argument regarding my other comment would better back-up your argument.also check your logic of banning euthenasia because of ignorance of another solution. perhaps euthenasia is the most humanitarian solution until new information is found on each specific illness?
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:04:38
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • If mercy killing is murder... what is forced suffering?

    Forced suffering is the only alternative to euthanasia. Forced suffering, to me, sounds a lot worse than being killed in a quicker manner than withering away. The personal, and thus social nature of this issue asks the following question: At what point does someone's own desire to end their suffering become more important than your self serving morals? in other words, who the hell do you think you are to have the right to tell other people not just that your personal morals are more important then their suffering, and that your hypotheticals are more important than their decision which is based off of personal suffering and experience?basically your essay lacks any acedemically acceptable facts from scientific studies to back up your authoritarian claims on personal values. with a bit more fact and a bit less ego-stroking your essay would have been better, maybe even lose some of it's selfish arrogance.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 19:00:14
    • Score: 6 out of 6 people found this comment useful.
  • Well done, but compare to other genicide

    excellent essay, but more could be added by comparing kosovo to other conflicts like the Genocide in Rwanda which killed over 1,000,000 people and recieved no UN support. While morals may have played a part, the bottom line on US, NATO, and UN involvment in issues like genocide is based purely on financial interests (which control all other aspects of american life).
    • 12/03/2003
    • 18:28:39
    • Score: 37 out of 39 people found this comment useful.
  • Clear with smooth flowing transitions

    very persuasve, succint, few gramatical errors. did I mention persuasive?
    • 12/03/2003
    • 05:05:17
    • Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
  • Well put together and thought out

    Essay is clear and concise. Need not be dramatic about your revision tips.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 04:49:09
    • Score: 8 out of 8 people found this comment useful.
  • White guy thinks it is poor unexplained unfounded racist rhetoric

    This essay is terrible. Author uses logic to scapegoating a not just cultural, but social, religious, ethnocentric, miltary and industrial obsessions with violence and oppression. How's that for unfounded? Simply put, makes racial claims with no scientific values blaming one small portion of someone's life for all other violence. No support.
    • 12/03/2003
    • 04:31:38
    • Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.