The topic is interesting and the substance is good, but I would argue that the composition detracts from the overall fulfillment possible by this essay. The sentences are short and to the point, which I applaud, but could be more creatively formed. I would suggest the book "Writers Options," which is an excellent source for sprucing up papers with sentence combining. A great example of how this could be used is in the last paragraph, in which the phrase "dispute" is used in the first sentence, then repeated in the second--the two could be easily combined into a more interesting sentence.Other than that, the context of the essay shifts a bit, forcing the reader to leap with the writer. Further marks could be placed in the transitory aspects.
- 10/05/2003
- 02:09:41
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.