Overall, this essay is well writen but it has some major spelling mistakes. The tiny mistakes will add up and may confuse the reader what you are saying.Some errors I found are:Hypnopaedic, not hipnopaedic.Bokanovsky, not Bokovsky.Better off saying "shut off/down individualism", than saying "shut up individualism"
- 10/01/2005
- 23:07:25
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Somehow, you are just randomly listing things. You need to add more things to this essay in order to make it interesting. For example, give a story of you or someone you know, and describe how you or that person is related to this topic. Your opinions are weak and very straight-forward. But gramatically speaking, very good!Thanks
- 25/11/2004
- 17:01:22
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
This is not an essay, first of all. It is just a plain, dull, and pointless paragraph. I have no idea what kind of things you want to say here - what did you want to tell your readers?You'll need a lot more than that to achieve a 80% mark.Thanks
- 25/11/2004
- 16:57:40
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
A well-organized and well-written essay! You must have put some decent time into it in order to make this essay so effient and interesting.However, I think the conclusion needs some revision. It is as if you are against the Mexican race and sounds kind of weird. Especially when you wrote "carry a big stick" - somewhat violent?!Otherwise, great job!
- 24/11/2004
- 09:29:15
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
not bad for a 10th grade student... but still the essay contains many many puntuation errors, some should be capitalized and you need help on your grammar!! but overall, this essay is well-done!
- 29/07/2003
- 16:41:48
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
The quality of this essay is absolutelywonderful, you have a variety of vocabsand your style is very impressive!!!!this is your level of being in eleventhgrade!!! very well done!!
- 28/07/2003
- 21:27:36
- Score: 13 out of 13 people found this comment useful.
This essay cuts directly to the point. Better sentence structure that leads onto more things. talk about you points a little more. VERY WELL DONE!!
- 28/07/2003
- 19:26:42
- Score: 9 out of 9 people found this comment useful.
this essay is overall a good essay. personal opinions should not be added, good introduction and conclusion. The body needs more work. This is a hard argument to argue about, but you have managed to put it altogether quite nicely!! well done!!!
- 28/07/2003
- 19:13:45
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
a very well-done essay!! good introduction, and conclusion. Minor errors in the details!! It is "operation overlord" instead of "operation overload", be careful about that one!!~
- 28/07/2003
- 18:17:54
- Score: 2 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
a very very well-done essay with few minor errors!! be careful with grammar and avoid using many repeated sentences. a good introduction, but the conclusion is not very good!! remember to reinform the introduction to the conclusion~! WELL DONE!
- 28/07/2003
- 18:16:15
- Score: 5 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
Very well done! well-organized and good use of transactions and grammar!!!
- 28/07/2003
- 18:13:02
- Score: 28 out of 32 people found this comment useful.