At the time in which this is set I had quit intoxicants for the last four months previous, mainly because of serious flashbacks and paranoid delusions involving God and myself, who had it in for me in a big way. This was a major factor in my decision to go clean for a while, especially when having God opposed to your existence you is such a hard time after being an atheist most of your life. But I was bored now, the drudgeries of work and toil had been taking their toll and it seemed that for the last sixteen weeks my life hadn't had the same quality as it had contained in the past.
For a start I could remember it all.
It began on a Thursday, or perhaps it was a Friday. My sense of time had been eliminated after the dwarves with plastic gloves had destroyed my only resident clock and date dispenser some five months previously.
But I did know that the plan I had stored in my mind was too stupid to commit myself to sober. Upon contemplating this setback I remembered the two pints of ether bottled away under my floorboards, as a previously un-recounted action the new situation somewhat lightened my resolve. Ether was the perfect way to begin my re-entrance into the drug scene. Haha, yes the cunning plan; get wasted. This substance would allow me to continue to undertake my scheme and, to an extent, sustain my ability to perform everyday tasks. But at the same time numb my mind so that it would seem like a ridiculously good idea to participate in such a binge and, of course, add a humorously drunken twist to my antics.
First task was to locate the ether. The floor of my flat contained too...