Confidence Lost

Essay by nottegattoCollege, UndergraduateA+, February 2008

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Rachel Johnstone Comm/105 Confidence Lost: Narrative Essay

What felt like an instant, I realized there was no longer any room for confidence, no need to remain steadfast; doubts ran through my head as I began to reason, evaluating my convictions, and picking apart my faith. I look back and wonder how I could have been that naive and so thoroughly deceived. My faith, like some grandiose ship was unanchored and adrift at sea. It was funny to me, the fear of loosening my anchor and just allowing myself to drift, it was the true sense of autonomy and serenity all wrapped in this one moment; I had managed to free myself from the shackles of religion.

As the hot and humid Floridian summer dragged on, so did the church service. I remember sitting there hearing the Sunday speaker drone on about faith and loyalty and about god's ultimate love for humankind.

I will never forget the scriptures I heard that day-there was a chance I heard them before but maybe they just flew by-I was around 9 years old and I saw him lean into the podium asking everyone to turn to Genesis 19:1-11, showing faith… In this account Abraham's brother, Lot, had two male guests come into his house (unknown to him they were angels) for safety, a mob of men from Sodom came "filled with lust" demanding the men. To make a long story short, Lot came out to reason with the men and asked them not to touch his male guests but to take his two virgin daughters and do whatever they want to them. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I wondered how this could be a sign of faith and loyalty. The answer from the podium was not good enough, claiming that Lot protected...