Different Views of Success in Rap Culture
Different Views of Success in Rap Culture," is a comparison paper that has much room to be improved grammatically, and needs to be better centered on the thesis. The paper compared the different views of success in rap music culture that are portrayed in the songs "Juicy" by Notorious B.I.G., and "The Way I Am" by Eminem. The essay was consistently polluted with information irrelevant to the thesis, thus distracting readers from the main point, which made the argument of the author incredibly weaker. The significance of cutting these sections of irrelevant information will create a more succinct paper. I would remove the artist's personal information from the essay, allowing the reader to not to be distracted by the extraneous information, and to focus solely on the differences of their views of success.
Repetition can weaken an argument significantly. As well, it also reveals to the reader the author's inability to provide support for their argument.
By repeating Eminem's desire for privacy, the reader loses interest in the argument. The support is considered weak and is then disregarded by the reader. In order to strengthen my argument regarding Eminem, I would need to provide more evidence of his desire for privacy, rather than repeat myself and weaken the thesis. Recurring word choice will disinterest readers as well. The repetitive use of the word "material," in the essay will eventually frustrate the reader. In order to avoid losing the reader's interest in the essay, a better selection of word choice is needed to keep the paper alive and fresh.
Punctuation is vital to producing a well-written paper. A paper filled with poor punctuation and grammatical errors is a distraction for a reader. The reader will begin to focus on...