Assignment: Incorporating FeedbackWhat feedback did you receive from your instructor?The instructor corrected some of my misunderstandings about citing (thank you, I did not catch this in the reading). He also suggested that I make my introduction and conclusion more concise.
From the peer reviewer?The peer reviewer firstly suggested that I give a definition of affirmative action. My peer also suggested that I concentrated on blacks. My peer suggested that I give a brief history of affirmative action, which is already included in the introduction. My peer also states that the beginning (I am assuming first body paragraph) gives statistics that leave the reader puzzled as to the main point. However, the main point is covered in the topic sentence of the paragraph. My peer suggests that a sentence used in the final body paragraph be used as my introduction; this would not work because it is one of the supporting points to my thesis statement. Then my peer says that the topic sentence in my first supporting paragraph should be my introduction, which also would not work for the same reason.
From the Center for Writing Excellence?The only mistakes found by the CWE were the use of ampersands in the citing within the text, which I understood to be okay but obviously is not, oops.
Explain how you will incorporate the feedback into your paper.
I have thankfully (finally), I believe gotten down the correct citation method. I have also moved some information from my introduction and conclusion to their appropriate supporting paragraphs. I have restructured a couple sentences to meet the instructorÃÂs requirements.
How will this feedback improve your expository essay?Firstly, I believe that the introduction being less wordy will be more effective. Secondly, the conclusion contained information more appropriate for a couple supporting paragraphs. And last,