"Never Forget"
It was an uneventful evening normal Sunday at church, something I'm forced to do. A Sunday morning, meant to sleep in from yesterdays party. I'm dreading the class, if it where the afternoon but it's quite early in the morning. The building is getting remodeled so we are at the entrance hallway. Just like anywhere, as soon as the door opens heads turn one, two, three, four and five bodies enter. Eyes are met, "we've never seen them" looks expressing, and who are they? Two girls, two adults(mom and dad) and one that would be my first love.
Our eyes met for the first time and with it came an uneasy feeling. My heart pumped like never before. He too seemed to like what he saw because he like me would no longer remember what is was the preacher would say. Wearing all white with huge brown eyes, which I will never forget was Fernando.
Church would no longer be a hag. I know had a reason to go. I would not speak to him that day. Though, I would spend the rest of the day thinking about him and the look of his eyes. It took us quite some time to actually have a conversation and to my surprise I found out that he like me attended Glades. Time flew by when he and I were together. Friends would say "everyday the same thing!" It was my friends complaining about me never getting bored of him and selling them out for Fernando. Our relationship lasted almost six months, to be exact it was five months three weeks and 2days (yes girls do keep track). The truth is I have no idea why we broke up, technically we really never did. He went to high school and I...
First Love
This is cheesy and with very little real content in it. You describe none of your emotions here and you do not try and develop his character so that your readers would understand your 'love' for him. Also, you say you 'guess he felt he should be a "pimp"',,,do you actually know what a pimp is? It doesnt seem like it.
I apologise in advance if im wrong here, and correct me if I am, but it seems to me that you wrote this in about 10 minutes and submitted it to get yourself 350 points. No?
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