I think I am going to cry. I want to be famous. I mean its not just a wish, a desire, or a yearning Ã¢ÂÂ¦ it's a craving. A craving just like the craving you get when you absolutely want that luxurious, devouring taste of dark chocolate subliming in your mouth. It's definitely the only inclination on my list for the future. I have all these surreal dreams , fantasies .. that I know have to come true. If they don't, I have no idea what I would do. My aspiration to become an actress is more like every humans need for water. Are you getting me? Without ever reaching this goal, I will never be whole, I don't know what I am right now. I hate sitting around here, stressing over when is my dream going to hit me in the head and become a definite possibility for reality.
The thought of not having my greatest longing, hunger, and lust not come in a form of veracity would just leave me hopelessly heart broken. Am I going crazy? This couldn't possibly be normal, I am right here on planet Earth, yes. But my mind is stuck in a whole other realm. Endless days, where people are thinking I'm paying attention to them, but I am not. I'm trapped in a world, a world that only exists in most of peoples dreams, not real life. Yet, this world requires me to be a part of it.
I wish I could be reborn, so I could develop a talent. I feel talent less. I'm me, I hold no gift nor a knack for anything. I really need to find a place for myself in this mystifying world, or I might combust and become oblivion. But acting seems like the only door out for me. It's the only place I feel home. The only place I don't feel like an outsider. A place I belong.
Everyone holds such a myopic view to my wanting to be prominent, famous Ã¢ÂÂ¦ is it so hard to comprehend? They shrug it off as something funny, something intangible to my reach, something that only happens to lucky people. Well, maybe one day I will be lucky. Maybe I will be golden globe's next big winner, strutting down the red carpet wearing what is au courant, and endorsing my next big thing. A movie perhaps? No maybe it was my record breaking cd, or my new fashion line? There are endless possibilities, but they don't have to worry, all I know it's the thing I will grasp eventually.
Who knows anything anymore. I'm just so confused. I suppose you have no idea what I am saying, when I just said I have everything planned out from head to toe. The truth is I'm so confused and bewildered about how I am actually going to get to this paradise, which will finally make me feel at ease.
Fuck. This isn't what my story is about. Society is so translucent, they think you can't see right through them. But you can, you can see all the wrinkles within its face, all the lies they shed upon the young generation.