Well of course smoking is bad!!! You overlook many things but I guess you deserve a better mark than a C for that paper. Mainly due to the fact that you had statements and supported them with references. However, it's really hard to agree with your paper since:1. The price of tobacco would go even higher if it was banned (supply and demand).2. Your referenced book was written in 1908 and only talks of past views on smoking.3. Your point on personal liberties is your strongest (IMO) but lacks essence in that many things are also like this in today's world. The argument is that the government or higher body of power must restrict people's liberties for their own good. Murder is one example of how society operates by the police governing and enforcing strict laws.
- 25/08/2007
- 04:45:51
- Score: 4 out of 5 people found this comment useful.
What a gay essay! Kidding =p Enjoyed the read but only as a speech in my eyes. I totally agree with what's being said but I hardly think that it is enough proof to say that it is by comparing it with bird flu.Also, I think you went a bit overboard. The paper clearly states in the opening paragraph that it is to show why Homophobia is a social disease but you go on to talk about many other things and I thought you tended to ramble a bit before you got to the point. All in all not a bad essay though.
- 25/08/2007
- 04:38:48
- Score: 3 out of 3 people found this comment useful.
This is a very effective exposition and the structure was excellent. It would have been good if this was turned into a discussion and you stated some of the reasons why prejudice, in a way, is justice, because we are only judged by our peers. Overall, a nice piece of work.
- 21/08/2007
- 05:09:18
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
You started out a bit weak with your introduction a bit confused. However, it improved as it went on. Looks like quite a good piece of writing all in all but it absolutely NEEDS to be longer. At the moment, it is looking more like an elementary school book report than a "Literary Critique", which, by the way, also needs to include your own outlook and perspective on the text. I like your writing style but this needs to improve.
- 21/08/2007
- 05:03:13
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
Transform this into an essay. I should like to see that. Quotes are good.
- 17/07/2007
- 06:48:07
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This isn't that good. First off, It's Mary Shelley, not Merry Shelley (you say it as if she were drunk). Always refer to Authors/Creators by their last name. EG. "Shelley's Frankenstein". Secondly, introductions are unnecessary as they merely waste valuable essay time. Thirdly, there are a few grammatical errors (e.g. ...CLOSEST friends.).Furthermore, there should have been a more extensive focus on the comparison between each creator and his monster because the idea is that in each case, the monster is a reflection of the creator himself. Hence, the idea of the "monster within" which I shall not go into detail as of now.Also, talk more of themes (extend on the fact that they are isolated, obsessed, etc.) and possibly how the techniques convey this in each text.Also, extended vocab wouldn't hurt. Use fancier essay wording. Portray, illustrate, depict.Compare and contrast. that is, after all, the aim.
- 17/07/2007
- 06:44:44
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I recently got this essay back and got an A. However, I can't change it again =p. just so you know...
- 28/06/2007
- 01:58:27
- Score: 1 out of 2 people found this comment useful.
This is pretty good but you need to take care in some areas. Never use "I think..." in an essay. Always state the fact as if you know what you're talking about, even if you don't.
- 26/06/2007
- 05:21:01
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
This is a fairly good essay but i feel as it is more of an exposition with classic philosophic references.
- 26/06/2007
- 05:13:43
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I love these philosophical discussions, especially in forums and etc. Good job.
- 26/06/2007
- 05:08:10
- Score: 0 out of 0 people found this comment useful.
I got the same mark (also in Selective high school in Sydney). Perhaps try using the word "Bildungsroman"
- 12/04/2007
- 17:06:16
- Score: 1 out of 1 people found this comment useful.
Needs attention on the wording if it is an essay and not a speech. Do not address the reader.
- 12/04/2007
- 16:59:03
- Score: 0 out of 1 people found this comment useful.